Travelling with 80yo MIL

[zafferana]

We're taking MIL on a long-awaited trip to a European city this summer. It was meant to happen in 2020, but for obvious reasons had to be cancelled and so here we are and she is now two years older.

The trip is for 4 days and she wants to see various things that will require quite a lot of walking and with such a tight schedule I'm worried that it might be too much for her. I'm happy to be proved wrong, but the last time I saw her, in 2019 (she lives OS), her fitness and stamina were quite poor and I can't imagine that they've improved since, what with the enforced inactivity of Covid restrictions.

I've checked out accessibility and whether we can rent her a wheelchair and for the largest and (in my mind, most problematic), place she wants to go and we can rent one there for free. But will she agree to use it? She's very stubborn and proud and while it would make perfect sense and allow her to see much more than if she needs to find a bench to sit on every 5 mins, I'm not sure she'll agree.

This is a multi-generational trip with her, DH, SIL, me and our two DC (14 and 11). I realise that DH and I are just going to have to try and juggle the needs of her and the DC between us, but if anyone has any words of wisdom they can impart I'd appreciate them, as we've never done a trip with a slightly infirm older person before and we want her to have a good time!

Insurance
Hydration
Transportation

I would try and have a frank conversation with her. She won't want to spoil anything for you all so may try and push herself too far. Be clear your focus is going at her pace.

Does the place have bus tours? You can use those to ge5 around, step on , step off. They are also air conditioned. Lots of cafe trips, make sure she drinks plenty and a list of where the loos are. If she gets dehydrated because she's worried about finding a loo you'll end up in hospital - she must have health insurance for the trip.

Thanks @Northernlurker, those are all very good points. I'll get DH to check that she has suitable travel insurance - I'm sure she does - but it's certainly worth double checking.

As for hydration, she likes to drink black coffee all day long, but I'll encourage her to drink water as well. I really hope it isn't too hot.

As for transportation, she hasn't expressed an interest in doing a general sightseeing tour, but if she does, then we'll definitely do a hop-on, hop-off bus. We'll be making judicious use of taxis and trains to minimise any walking to or from attractions, so she can save her energy for the attraction itself.

My mum was a fair bit younger but struggling badly with osteo arthritis when we did a whole family trip to Disneyland. After the first day she agreed to let us hire a wheelchair that she could hop in and out of as she wanted and it was the best thing we could have done. She was happy to use it there because no one knew her and it gave her the chance to see what life was like with it. Within six months she had her own through the NHS and we never looked back. For a while she wouldn't use it in our town because she couldn't face people asking what was wrong but when she realised she couldn't do what we were doing without it she was happy to have it.

Footwear- no harm gently enquiring what she’s planning on packing. My parents complained like mad when they had to walk on cobbled streets in Honfleur.
Passport- can you be sure hers is in date?
High backed chairs in restaurants instead of squashy ones so she can get up and down
Restaurant menus maybe discuss before you get there if there’s something you all can eat - multigenerational in our family meant twice as fussy

If you can see her getting very tired and she won't admit it, it might be kind to say that you (or one of the DC) is looking like they need a rest and a drink.

Would she prefer a mobility scooter rather than a wheelchair - much more independence.

My DF has a walking stick that has a seat on the top (triangular shaped) if she could balance enough to use it, it lets you take the weight off when standing in queues.

I also found my DF was more amenable to using a wheelchair when we had a lot of standing in queues to do. It seemed to hurt his pride more to not be able to walk rather then not be good at standing still for 5 mins

i would also book wheelchair assistance at the airport and say its to help all of you get through security more quickly rather than just being about her mobility

My DF used a recent trip as a goal, he started walking every day until he could walk a mile (albeit only on the flat and slowly). Maybe you MIL could set herself a similar goal and then if she cant make it would be more amenable to a wheelchair

Also, dont forget you can deploy the dc to persuade her. …but Granny its such an amazing place we want to do so much and we want to do it with you too, please get a wheelchair so we can do everything, please….

Thanks for the additional tips and please keep them coming!

I wish she had set herself a goal to walk more in the build up to this trip, but I don't believe she has and they arrive next weekend so it's a bit late now.

Re: extra assistance at the airport - we're aren't flying with them - they're flying over here and joining us and we are going by train to mainland Europe so, to be blunt, that's not my problem! However, if she struggles with the airport experience that might give us leverage to persuade her to use a wheelchair for the bigger days out she wants to do.

A shooting stick is a great idea, but we'd have to purchase one and take it with us and I doubt MIL would agree to such a thing in advance. As she rarely goes anywhere normally and certainly hasn't done the kind of big days out she'll be doing while we're away for the past several years, I very much doubt she's given this any thought. She is not one of life's thinkers and I suspect that if she finds this trip as exhausting as I think she might, it will come as a big surprise to her. That's why I want to be forearmed with solutions, as I know it will fall to DH and me to troubleshoot.

Have you got rail tickets? When I travelled with mum because she was in a wheelchair she was upgraded on Eurostar together with a carer.