Driving (or rather, not stopping driving)

[sunshineandsuddenshowers]

I don’t think DF should be driving any longer. He’s had a couple of accidents and did one very dangerous thing when I was in the car w him a while back. He says he’s fine to drive. Is there any way to ‘test’ this? NB my mum still drives, there are buses and taxis…

contact.dvla.gov.uk/driver/capture_transaction_type?transaction_type_id=drivers_medical?locale=en 3rd button down.

FIL was asked to a test centre; nurse and driving instructor; physical and driving tests. They were very very kind - explained to him that his driving skills were excellent but that unfortunately his short term memory had become poor so he was not reacting appropriately. (Eg, arriving at roundabout, checking HGV entering roundabout to his right, looking ahead, forgetting the HGV and driving into its path....). He was furious at the time and is the worst passenger ever but at least he's not out there endangering MIL any more.

We couldn't persuade my dad he wasn't safe to drive. He was absolutely furious with us for suggesting it and tried to fake being OK in front of his medical team so they'd support him driving.

We took the nuclear option. Sold the car and notified the DVLA. DVLA delays meant that legally he could keep driving until the day he died. Selling the car eliminated any chance of him driving.

I strongly believe that friends and family of these drivers who are no longer safe do have a moral responsibility to interfere when someone needs to stop driving. There should be a clear route via the police that handles this in a timely fashion.

There are often older person driving courses through local county council that can be done. Our council does it

www.hants.gov.uk/transport/roadsafety/drivertraining/driverskills

Maybe your council offers similar. It's worth negotiating with your DF to see if he'll agree to do this and listen to their recommendations.

Our GP said DF was ok to drive despite referring him to the memory clinic for testing for obvious dementia! Sitting as a passenger in his automatic car I knew he had lost spatial awareness and had forgotten where the indicators and windscreen wipers were! Whilst waiting for the memory clinic referral, and as his driving licence needed renewing, I wrote to the DVLA listing my concerns and notifying about the memory referral and they refused to renew his licence. He grudgingly accepted it from the dvla, but would not listen to me.

Mixing indicators and windscreen wipers is easy for anyone who’s been driving for more than 20 years as they used to be-the other way round.

I passed nearly 35 years ago, have driven all sorts of cars and some vans and they’ve always had indicators are the left side of the steering wheel and windscreen wipers on the right.

People really shouldn’t be reluctant to report an elderly person who drives dangerously. The loss of autonomy for that person isn’t as much of a concern as the danger to many other people if they continue driving. He could kill someone.

My elderly neighbour, who was a complete menace on the road, had her licence taken away and we were told the police were involved. She had once told us, laughing, how she hit another car in a car park and drove away, so that may have had something to do with it. We used to hear her screeching up the road in first gear every day and saw her very nearly hit other cars loads of times. She just didn’t seem to be aware of her surroundings and was always looking straight ahead, never checking right and left.

A relative who was just as bad as her if not worse, was reported and also lost his licence. It was a huge relief to us. Yes of course it’s upsetting and a big life change for the elderly person, but they have to adapt, as we all do when we can’t do something we want to.

I’ve already had conversations with my parents regarding their driving, in that it’s fine now but I will have no hesitation in reporting them if necessary should they become a concern. It’s quite lighthearted currently but they know I mean it.

It’s been over a week since your posted @sunshineandsuddenshowers have you reported your father yet?

OP @sunshineandsuddenshowers you last posted on 2nd July and I can’t stop thinking about your situation. Has anything changed?

It's taken me forever to come back to this. @DashOfMilkNoSugar thank you for pushing me to do what I needed to do. Aging is just awful.

I don’t envy you at all because generally your parents are people that are looked to for guidance and help. As the person reporting we know that we’re partially responsible for them losing their independence. Ageing is awful but it’s better than someone dealing with the alternative because either the driver is too stubborn to hang up their keys or the loved ones don’t want to upset them. I hope it wasn’t too upsetting for you or your father

Literally having this issue now. My dad drives. I live 250 miles away, he's in his 80s and myself and my mum thunk early inset dementia. He's now a terrible driver, unaware and slow to react. He wants to drive to come see us and is totally and utterly insulted that my dh suggested he will come get them. Literally shouting arguing.....

@DashOfMilkNoSugar like you I always ‘knew’ what I’d do (report). But oh, the reality of actually acting is quite quite different. Especially as aging does seem to be tidal - things get worse and then improve again, a lot. Sometimes right back to how they used to be. So you don’t want to jump in crazy fast, when things may improve, and what’s needed is a pause, not an ending.

We filled out all the forms for DVLA to report FIL & were about to ring his GP because his driving was a danger to himself and others. As it happened we did not have to complete it because he had a stroke and went into hospital. I would not have been able to live with myself if he had kept on driving. But Oh my goodness how cross was he when we suggested he stopped driving. He was 82 & I think he could self certificate for driving ( is that the term ) & he always did.

I think you as others have said can anonymously report him - or if you live close hide the car keys ( a woman who lives near to us has done this with her mother ( mother is furious ) but mother has dementia and isn't safe on the roads. It's a sad time for people because for so many driving is their independence , but not at the expense of others.

I wish you well , it is stressful