Hi
I have been reading the Cockroaches threads and finding them so useful. They are keeping em sane at the moment for which I'm so grateful.
I was wondering if anyone can give me some advice. My elderly parents (85+) live by themselves. My dad has mobility problems but was able to walk with a frame until last week. He had a couple of falls last week and it seems that he is no longer able to walk safely - he can stand for a good few seconds as long as there is support and I am moving him from bed to armchair and loo with a wheelchair. I can manage fine as I don't need to lift him, I just push the chair, position it and help him gently get up and sit down. He wears a nappy but prefers to use the loo during the day. At night he pees quite a lot and there are leaks - there is a fair bit of mess in his bedroom in the morning, but I just make a quick bundle of sheets and bed protector and towels (he "cleans up" himself) wearing gloves and it all goes in the washing machine.
My mum is mobile and healthy but had a horrible Covid and was in intensive care for weeks. As a result she is not as strong as she used to be and gets tired easily. She is on Sertraline and it works but having to start her day dealing with my dad's bedroom gets her down. She has a carer that comes 5 days a week for an hour in the morning to help her and a cleaner twice a week. They are both great friends of her as well and she enjoys having them around.
They are not in the UK, I am. I have lived in the UK for years and my DH and job, home, are all there. I came over to my parents last week when my dad had to stop using his frame and needed a wheelchair. My mum is not strong enough to deal with it and there was a major crisis so I took the first available flight. I have been here a week now and they are enjoying my company and the fact that I am dealing with bedroom mess, dad's transfers and helping out with house tasks. My mum is treating this like a holiday and insists on having a drink and aperitivos and tapas in the balcony every day... However I will have to go back some time in the next 2 weeks and it is clear that they cannot cope on their own.
I have arranged for a meeting with social services next week but the assessment will take many months. I have talked to 3 care homes that my mum likes, for my dad, but they don't have availability and anyway it is a very long shot as my dad refuses to consider the idea. He will never give consent.
I have spoken to a private agency that can send carers and have discussed 3 1-hour visits per day: getting up, midday, bedtime. The price is affordable and my parents seem to be on board. However: my mum refuses to let them deal with the bedroom (she's embarrassed), my dad refuses to let them help with his hygiene, so basically it seems that they will be paid to help my dad on and off the wheelchair.
Does this sound reasonable to you? can anyone think of an alternative solution?
I have siblings but they cannot offer mum support with the above. They do help with shopping, doctors appointments and weekend visits, which is plenty.
Thank you for reading all this!