Urgent full time care at home in 1 bed

[NorthernExpat]

Feeling completely lost as on only child navigating a sudden change in parents circumstances and hoping for some hive mind wisdom about where to start. Have tried to give relevant info and not drip feed.

DF has terminal condition which is causing progressive symptoms (communication problems, memory issues, vision loss, physical weakness, incontinence but still fully himself). Was being cared for at home by DM until a fall which has put her out of action for 6 weeks.

Since then he’s been in a care home as emergency respite. Home say his needs require 2 people to mobilise him, including at night to toilet/change. He hates it there, is 20 years younger than anyone else and most have dementia. He’s physically deteriorated so much in 2 weeks as he’s left in a wheelchair all day.

They live in an accessible but one bed flat. I am an only child, live 400 miles away, work full time, and am 31 weeks pregnant. We are self funding and money not (yet) the main issue. Social worker so far has been useless, no urgency and no suggestions beyond 2x 20 min carer visits a day.

Am terrified he’s going to deteriorate so much in 6 weeks he’ll never leave again and he’s always been adamant he doesn’t want to die in “one of those places”.

So how the hell do I get him back home? Is it possible? What should I be asking for and who from? Feeling so overwhelmed and sad.

I think you need to be asking the home why he needs two carers. How is he transferring? Is it a hoist? or is it walking hand held? If it's something like walking handheld, you may find that by physios supplying him with a frame he can then transfer with 1 person for example. Does he need 2 people to help him sit to stand from a chair? If so how high is the chair? Would raising it enable him to be more independent. How does he get out of bed? Would a bed lever or a profiling bed help? It sounds like he has become 'de conditioned' since being In the care home. This is common. Once home you may find he improves. If he has capacity and wants be come home this should be facilitated. He can get a 'doubled up' (so 2 carers), up to 4 times a day if needed. But you need to be thinking about how he would manage in between care calls. Basically get physio and OT involved asap and ensure he is on the list for carers.