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Elderly parents

How will I get a parent to the GP

6 replies

SummersBreeze · 21/06/2022 14:41

I am genuinely concerned about my mother who is 70. There are some things that have been off with her. I first noticed last winter. I began to wonder of she's going senile last winter but I out it to the back of my mind. Every day was different with her. I observed a long list of behaviours. There are things are just off with her.

I remember one day when she fled the house as if it was on fire but she was bored but there was torrential rain outside and she decided it was a good time to go to town by walking to the bus stop. That was the first thing that caught me off guard. I thought she could have waited for a dry day.

There's been episodes of paranoia and her taking some of my clothes including bras. We are different sizes and she doesn't ask me for my underwear.

There's a range of things that are off that's too long and lengthy to go into here.

I feel like I can't talk to her about the observations that I have in fear of her exploding in anger. There has been angry outbursts from her over the past 2 and half years that made no sense. For example I was sizing a box/parcel for sending a parcel overseas and she became angry at me for working on the size and weight. Sometimes I feel she's just looking for a fight.

There was little comprehension over public health guidelines and containing germs and now there's little comprehension over the inflation and rising energy. She's washing multiple loads most days at 60 degree with added on functions. She likes warm clothes every morning and so her clothes go in the dryer for 10 or 15 minutes to warm them up every morning while she has breakfast.

Another day she hand-wash a wool cap and decided to put it into the washing machine just by itself to give it a spin. That's a 20 minute function and it was just for one cap. When squeezing the water out and rolling it in a towel would have been enough to get the excess water out of it.

She's constantly complaining and critising about everything. She can't find any good in anything. She sees the worst in everything. I have so many examples of constant complaining from her and its so mindless and needless. Her sister came to visit before and as soon as she was gone out the door, my mother started bitching about her older sister flaunting her size 8 jeans. My aunt definitely is not a size 8 but in my mother's mind she was. She was complaining about another neighbour dressed well without knowing what her plans were. My mother wanted me to check for diet changes online for high cholesterol and she refused everything and complained and found fault with everything for example a change from full fat milk to low fat mild is supposed to be beneficial but she found fault with that.

There's been episodes of paranoia. For example I used a knife to open a paint can over the weekend and left the knife on the hall floor. When she saw the knife she started scolding me for finding the knife. She has a roll of knifes hidden in the toolbox because they look dangerous. You would swear we live in a house filled with toddlers, children, violent men and women - there's of that. Then she had a worry that there was somebody out there beyond our home who knew of my tracks and the knife that was on the floor of the hall and they were going to target the house at that very minute and night.

So there's little things here and there and stuff that's not quite right. She's clever and smart in other ways but there's stuff that's off.

I am concerned that maybe there might be something setting in for example dementia. Her memory is good. I talked to a medical professional in a private-social setting and they said they generally look for a memory loss for testing and she doesn't have a memory loss.

There's paranoia
Lack of comprehension
Anger
Mutism unless she's complaining about something
Taking some of my clothing and other belongings.

I can't talk to her about what I am observing.
She won't ever be able to tolerate me going to a doctors appointment with her because she's still somewhat independent.

I explored the possibility back and forth for weeks about writing an email or a letter to the gp surgery where I am also a patient and known there too. Or making an appointment in person by myself.

I have no idea what to do.
There's little things that are off with her.

OP posts:
WeeOrcadian · 21/06/2022 14:52

I don't have advice but it sounds hard. Would the GP do a home visit?

Mosaic123 · 21/06/2022 15:01

Or could you write to her Dr listing your concerns, especially the ones about others are out to get her, and ask if they will call her in for a check up?

The Dr may not write back to her but may call her in.

frydae · 21/06/2022 15:03

I think it's a bit more than a GP appointment you need. A social services assessment maybe? I would call and ask the GP surgery for advice.

ElbowsandArses · 21/06/2022 15:07

I have communicated directly with my mother’s GP. My mum lies to the doctor about stuff (not dementia just bonkers denial). I have written a short email with bullets of info I thought he needed to know. In your case I would email with summary info and your concerns and ask for help / advice/ next steps. Include her name and DOB as well as yours. The GP won’t be able to discuss her with you without explicit permission from your mum, but it’s a step in the right direction. Good luck.

Mindymomo · 21/06/2022 15:11

It sounds to me she’s just becoming eccentric rather than suffering from dementia. What did her sister think.

SummersBreeze · 21/06/2022 15:23

Mindymomo · 21/06/2022 15:11

It sounds to me she’s just becoming eccentric rather than suffering from dementia. What did her sister think.

My mother kept her words to herself. She put on a happy smiley face but the minute sister was gone, I got the bitching into my ear.

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