How do you know where they should live?

[Funnelfanjo]

My elderly mum has finally admitted her house is too much and she’d like to live in a small flat. Hooray, it’s a decision we’ve been encouraging her to make. However, she’s left it so long that her needs are increasing.

In her mind she wants one of the flats in a local sheltered accommodation, the same place her mum was in 20+ years ago. She can wash and dress herself, cook simple meals and do basic housework like washing up pots, laundry and hoovering, so it sounds a match on paper. However she is increasingly frail and can’t cope any more with things like dealing with the bank or utilities (I have LPA and do it on her behalf). At her current rate of decline she’s going to lose her ability to live independently within a year, if she doesn’t have a health event that changes things even more.

whats best in this situation? Apply for sheltered accommodation and accept that it may be short term as her needs increase? She doesn’t need carers for her basic needs, but I would be much happier if she had someone to pop in once a day just to keep an eye on her. I live 100 miles away and work full time so can only see her on weekends.

Sorry for the essay! She’s not the first old person in the world, but I’ve not had to navigate this before and could do with a hand hold and point in the right direction.

Will she be paying privately or looking at social housing. There are extra care housing schemes which can be rented through the council. The best thing would be for her to have a care needs assessment from her local social services or through her g.p who might have an elderely intervention unit.

i imagine she’ll be paying privately. She owns her own house so has equity.

I rang her local council adult assessment group, but as soon as I mentioned housing they told me I needed to ring the housing team. The same housing team whose website says the process starts with an assessment by the very people I rang. Trying a different number this afternoon.

Gahh name change fail

Extra care place, where care can be increased as necessary.

You can apply online for an assessment but where we live she would need to be seen by the community team first, like an ot or physio. IME the housing team will need to speak to your mum directly to get her permission to do an assessment, the extra care housing schemes near us are all through social services referrals and are rented.

I think it's a difficult one. I had a family member who moved from her old house to a flat in sheltered accommodation. Within about a year she had to move again into a care home.
In retrospect it would have been much more sensible to make the first move earlier.

I also had a family member who moved into sheltered accommodation too early. She subsequently moved out again, bought a bungalow and stayed living completely independently for 10 years until moving into a nursing home for her final month before she died.

It sounds like your mum is closer to the former than the latter, but it probably depends on her age and how quickly she is deteriorating. I wonder whether the best option might be for her to stay in her own home for now, with a carer going in once a day, and then when that becomes unsustainable move into a care home?

Yes, I think my mum is closer to your first family member's situation. The house is the old family 3 bed that she's lived in since a newlywed in the sixties, and is a source of stress in itself as its too big and she can't manage issues or troubleshoot. An example - she's had the same heating system for 37 years, but can no longer remember how the timer works. So she puts it on manually which means the central heating is on 24/7, and when it's too hot she just opens the windows. I'm dreading the gas bill! Every time we visit, we ask her whether she wants it on, and if so what times to go on and off. We reset it, and within hours she's fiddled with it. It's a running joke between me and my brother now.

As she's lived there so long, I am worried that a new home will cause further mental decline, but as we're not far off from a life-changing fall or being found wandering up the street in her nightie it seems the least worst option.

Thanks to @Wombat27A too - extra care seems exactly the right solution, and having looked it up her local authority requires a care assessment to be made to access it. I think half the battle is knowing the right words to use, to unlock the next stage of the process.

Head wobbled, big girl panties hoiked up, onwards. Thanks for your support.

Has your mum got decent savings ? There are companies that employ people to be live in carers . They will cook , clean and be a companion to the person.
if her saving would cover that for the year you envisage , it could be another way to do it.

We have one facility where I live & it's lovely. Nice flats, care as needed & company in communal areas. Run by a Housing Association.

Good luck.