89 year old Mum seems to be depressed and giving up

[Franklin12]

So my DM lives 100 miles away from me. Siblings live abroad. She is doing ok. Lives independently with a carer coming in once a week. She won’t have anyone in more frequently. Someone from Age Concern visits once a week too. She walks with a walker after she broke her hip.

She says she feels safe in her house. We are trying to get her to visit my sister abroad and she will be escorted all the way but she says her house is her safe place. I have a DH who isn’t the best of health so I could do without this.

Would some anti depressants help? Just looking for anyone who has been through this.

Thank you.

Is this a joke?

You're forcing an old lady to go somewhere she has no desire to go.

Would she be physically capable of making a visit abroad? Even if she's escorted, the effort might be too much, especially as she has trouble with her mobility.

Why would you make an 89-year-old with a dodgy hip get on a plane? I don’t get it.

I think at 89 if she wants to stay at home then she should be allowed to.

To be honest it doesn't sound like shes depressed.

You could do without what? Nothing in your post shows she has any sign of depression. Just because she doesn’t want to go abroad at her age?

Wait until you get to 89. And then wait for someone to try and force you into hours of discomfort travelling, and staying somewhere you don't feel safe in.

At 89 she is allowed tonwajt to stay within her home and her own little routine where she feels safe. She doesnt sound depressed based on what you have said and to be fair if you can "do without this" you should think yourself lucky a lot of people with 89 hear old parents have a lot more to worry about than they dont want to go abroad.

Bonkers idea.

What makes you say shes depressed? .... I cant blame her at 89 not wanting to go abroad

Sorry OP, but I a not following. Nothing in your post suggests depression so why would anti-d's be something you think might help?

Plus, why does an 89 year old need to visit your sister abroad? My own grandmother is a fierce as they come and her last abroad trip was when she was about 85 years old. She never felt she was up to flying after that, even escorted by family.

She sounds like she has some support and is doing OK in her home?

She doesn't sound depressed, she sounds sensible and like she has a realistic idea of what she can cope with.

I feel like there must be more that you haven't said, because on the face of it she's like many in their late 80s who get tired very easily and would rather be comfortable in their own familiar space than travelling.

Does she need more frequent care? It sounds like she's coping?

I think you need to fill us in a bit more OP - I suspect there's probably something you accidentally missed out from your post which completes the picture?

I am dumbfounded that you think your mother travelling abroad is in any way a sensible idea. Of course she wouldn't want to do that.

Why the hell does she need anti-depressants?

You could do without what? Is she making demands on you? Doesn’t sound like it.

If your sister wants to see her mother, tell her to get her arse on a plane.

your mother is telling you she is safe and content. Respect her.

Is there something missing here OP? Al I see is very elderly lady with bad hip doesn't want to go abroad? (Fair enough)

You are crazy to even consider this, and I hope this post is not serious. Travelling is brutal, especially at the moment especially and you want a 90 year old woman with a bad hip to attempt a trip overseas on her own?? 😡

She's fine. Leave her be. Try and visit her and get your sister abroad to hop on a plane to see her mum. Surely more convenient that way round!

Agree with everyone! With the addition of saying that how infantilizing! It gives me the shudders of having anti depressants or concern trolling foisted on me because I want to do my own thing. And to boot, if you your 89 year-old mother with dodgy hip was insisting on going abroad , unrelated to you, maybe to see a friend you'd, you'd be saying how mad she was.