It's a complex one...old parents, LD adult child

[Hilfe]

I'm facing a situation I'm completely lost in 😕

My dear parents are the sole carers of my adult brother, who has a learning disability and many health issues such as mh, diabetes, arthritis and high blood pressure.

My mum has been admitted to hospital and needs a residential place as it isn't safe for her to return home, due to dementia and having her leg amputated because of poor circulation.

My dad has a heart condition and seems to have aged considerably, lost an enormous amount of weight and my gut feeling says he hasn't got long left.

My parents are divorced but lived together.

The hospital team have found my mum a free nursing home place for 4 weeks but then how do we pay the fees? She owns half the house but I don't think has savings.

My dad owns the other half of the house.

How do I get my brother help once my dad dies? He can't live unassisted and I'm very worried about him. Will my parents home get sold to fund my mum's care home, so he has to move?

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This article may help. I believe if someone is still living in the home, they can’t use it. Or there’s the deferred option agreement as mentioned in the article.

Contact adult social services to get help for your brother and your parents. My dm was reluctant at first (stigma?), but after seeing what help a friend had (putting in rails, providing equipment etc) was amazed at what help they can supply.

No, as your brother is disabled, the house won’t be included in the means testing of your mother to see if she has to pay the care home fees:

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/paying-for-care/paying-for-a-care-home/do-i-have-to-sell-my-home-to-pay-for-care/

Longer term, your brother is going to need an assessment for social care and support by his local authority’s social services - to see what he needs. Does he have mental capacity? If he doesn’t, they might decide he could have carers visiting him in the family home; or they might decide his needs can only be met in a care home? They should obtain the views of him and you, and you all come to a decision as to what’s in his best interests? (This is not the cheapest or whatever is in the local authority’s best interests). His views would be taken into account; but the best interests decisions can over ride his views. If ongoing decisions are going to have to be made about his health and welfare, then I suggest you look at getting Deputyship from the Court of Protection in respect of him. It strengthens your right to be involved in decisions about his best interests although even a Deputy cannot actually tell a doctor what to do! Ultimately doctors make the final decision over medical treatment - but if you really disagree, the decision goes to the Court of Protection! People with LD can have DNARs put on them by doctors, who see them as 2nd class citizens, and think they would be better off dead - and you might object, because your brother is very happy in his life. Unfortunately disability discrimination exists in the NHS!

There is Deputyship for finance, but it’s not worth getting that, if your brother only has benefits - the DWP accepts someone competent, as their appointee. Then they can administer the benefits for free! There are fees to pay for Deputyship!

If he has capacity, I suggest you seek power of attorney for him in case, he ever suffers a serious illness and can’t make his own decisions. If he has capacity, the local authority cannot force him to live in a care home, if he doesn’t want to - under the Human Rights Act, people have a right to a private family life in their own community!

Oh what a stressful situation, OP.
The home won't need to be sold whilst your dad is living there. The SW should be able to explain the financial assessment to you. Age UK has some excellent information online too.
Your brother will need a social care assessment of his own to determine his needs and how they can best be met. Does he already already have a social worker or is he under the LD team?

Call your adult services Leaning disability team. Ask
For an assessment for your brother x

You’d like to think that the SW would be able to explain the financial situation correctly, but that’s not the case always.
My stepfather’s SW told me that he would have to sell his house to pay for his care - even though he only owns 20% of the value of it and the full value is around 60K.

id also say that it might be better for the brother to have a review sooner rather than later. He will need some supported accommodation but that, in itself isn’t easy and it can take time to find the right place for him (think several months - it took nearly a year do of a friend of mine to find the ‘right’ place).

It also sounds like your father might not be able to carry on looking after him on his own too. Was that one of the reasons why your parents still lived together by any chance?

SW here.

The house won't have to be sold because your dad lives there. Should your dad pass away before your mum or have to go into a home himself the council will try to say the house needs to be sold to fund whoever is in care but with a family member living in it and who has always lived in it ask for a discretionary disregard. They are very unlikely to force a sale in those circumstances- as long as your brother remains there.

I know of cases whereby they have disregarded for much less.

As for your brother now contact social care and ask for an assessment - he might not come under LD team as they have odd criteria but adult team will do it if that's the case. It's time to plan for his future - if he can remain at home with support coming in maybe or if supported living would be best.

Obviously if he went to supported living while your parent are alive then the house comes back into play for care fees as above.

Get it sorted right now for your brother.

My mum died in March aged 93 with my autistic, epileptic brother living with her 'in her care'. It has been horrendous to sort. A month of him living on his own in the house with piecemeal care and him stressed and angry, followed by a crisis. He was found on the floor and taken to hospital. As it was unsafe for him to live alone he spent nearly 7 weeks in hospital bed blocking before suitable accommodation was finally found for him last week. Not social services fault at all. It was the lack of planning by our mum that caused this situation.

I would suggest you get the assessment started with social services immediately.