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Elderly parents

Step son demanding money

12 replies

Molecule · 15/05/2022 14:20

My 91 year old aunt was widowed over 30 years ago. Since then she has lived in genteel poverty, always worried about money, just scraping by etc. However she lives in a house with a glorious position and garden (her true passion). A couple of years ago a neighbour bought the house and my aunt is allowed to stay in it until she dies/goes into a home. She has no children of her own, but one, now elderly, step son.

Sadly for her this influx of money has come at a time her health has nosedived, but it at least means she can pay for (fiercely resisted) carers and a nice care home when the time comes.

Her lovely, patient carer told my sister that aunt’s step son has visited her 3 times in the last week asking for money and aunt is getting worried about it. I know step son owes around £50,000 to one agency and has also taken out equity release on his house. His wife had been ill for sometime and died last year, so I imagine with her lack of pension/ carer’s allowance etc he’s feeling the pinch.

He’s a lovely man but feckless, as soon as he got some money another luxurious new car was bought. The problem is the amounts he needs could wipe out my aunt’s money very quickly. She is very fond of him and has always worried about him, and finds it difficult to say no.

The house my aunt lives in was not the family home. My uncle was a widower, the family house was in his late wife’s name, and she left everything to the children, so it’s not as though step son can claim this house is his inheritance.

My aunt still has capacity, although POAs are in place when needed. In the meantime what can be done? I plan to attempt to ring the bank tomorrow to say she’s vulnerable, another neighbour is going to pop round every-time she sees his car. My aunt doesn’t do online banking so will have to write cheques, which I guess can be stopped. My sister and I do not live close to aunt so can’t just nip in to see her.

I feel so sad that just as she could relax about money step son has screwed it up.

Apologies for the essay.

OP posts:
GarlicGnocchi · 15/05/2022 14:25

Depending what the LPA says you might be able to act as POA while aunt still has capacity if that is what she wants.

grxxxx · 15/05/2022 14:46

I believe cheques can be cleared very quickly now , I would suggest she puts money into an account that isn’t easily accessed and leaves just a small amount in a day to day account so the amount immediately accessible is somewhat limited

2bazookas · 15/05/2022 15:10

I would let the SS know his frequent attentions are being noticed and logged; and so are his demands for money from a vulnerable old lady , which have raised red flags.

Tell him that because of inappropriate behaviour, in future he is asked to only visit his SM by prior appointment so that arrangements can be made for a third party to be present in the room for her protection.

2bazookas · 15/05/2022 15:12

My aunt doesn’t do online banking so will have to write cheques, which I guess can be stopped.

Arrange with the bank, for all cheques to require two signatories, aunt plus the POA.

girlmom21 · 15/05/2022 15:17

Can you speak to the step son and tell him to back off?

KickAssAngel · 15/05/2022 15:26

If she is likely to need care and gives away all her money, it would be seen as deliberate deprivation of assets. The consequences would be that she couldn't go into a home and step son would need to care for her. Would that affect how likely she is to give him money?

cantsaveme · 15/05/2022 16:19

I'm confused how she has come into money when it was not her house to sell?

Anyway, have a chat with her about invoking the POA then lock down all the accounts / get internet access for you to monitor.

girlmom21 · 15/05/2022 16:25

I'm confused how she has come into money when it was not her house to sell?

It was her house. OP was specifying it wasn't her now-deceased husbands family home - where he raised his children - so his son had no claim to it.

Molecule · 15/05/2022 16:49

Thank you all very much for your replies. I shall speak to her about invoking the POA. A complication is that my cousin is the first named on it and he is away for a month, and appears not to be contactable. Excellent point re depravation of assets, I shall hammer that point home.

It was definitely her house to sell. What I meant was that it was not as if it was her step son’s childhood home.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2022 16:53

Talk to SS. Really do. If she gives the money away, then needs care, she will be in a very precarious situation. If it's previously reported as possible financial abuse, she's much safer.

MereDintofPandiculation · 16/05/2022 09:18

Would she be able to say to him (even if it’s not true) “oh, <attorney> looks after all my money now, you’ll have to talk to them?” I’ve heard of people using it as a defence against doorstep traders.

Molecule · 16/05/2022 09:36

I’ve managed to get hold of my cousin. He’s aware of the situation, apparently step son has been pestering her for months. When he’s (cousin) back we’re going to speak to aunt about invoking the POA. In the meantime I’m trying to get hold of the bank, but they are, of course “very busy at this time”.

Aunt is more likely to listen to cousin as a) he’s male and b)is finance director of a large company , and so she respects him. Tbh she’s quite insufferable and has a very superior attitude, so I find it hard to have much sympathy for her. If ever there was an object lesson in moving whilst you’re able to it’s her - living halfway up a steep hill with no public transport is not sensible in your 90’s.

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