My parents never call me!!

[Sacrednerve]

My mother is an extremely toxic person. She is a covert narcissist and being around her is extremely difficult. She constantly expects you to say what she wants to hear. She fishes for compliments.. it's always about her and how amazing she is.. and if you don't give her what she wants, she will lie to my face, talk about me behind my back to my family. I finally realized that I'm much less stressed out when I don't talk to her. But that seems to have just fed into her narcissism, as now she gets to play the role of pitiful, poor mom that never hears from her daughter.. in fact she's even told people I'm keeping her grandkids away from her.

Fact is, when I don't call my parents, I just don't hear from them. But of course, this is all my fault. They haven't called me in over 2 years. Christmas? Nothing.. Birthdays? Nothing. I've literally asked her to call me and she doesn't. She'll text me to tell me she's sending money for the grandkids.. My kids refer to my mom as "the grandma that buys stuff" because that's literally the extent of their relationship. My sisters have told me I'm terrible for not being there for my parents. I just can't take the nonsense anymore.

As a child, my life revolved around pleasing my mom, and I've seen her try to get my kids to do this too. It's just not right! But there is still part of my that feels guilty!! At what point do you say, it doesn't matter that they are family?? Sometimes maybe it's healthier to stay away from the toxic people in your life, even if it's your own mother?!

now she gets to play the role of pitiful, poor mom that never hears from her daughter in fact she's even told people I'm keeping her grandkids away from her

If you don't talk to her, how do you know what people are being told ? If you are hearing this second-hand, you need to learn to ignore it. If anyone comments that you don't ring your mother , practice saying something bland like " we talk when it suits us both" or something similar to deflect the comments. Then move on . You can't spend your life worrying about what people say about you.

I'm sorry OP. It's awful to have parents like this. Parents should show interest in their children, and in my view, support them emotionally and ideally practically.

But some people have children for the sake of their own ego, unfortunately. It's very hard to be the child of such parents. It sounds like your siblings have become your parents' flying monkeys.

You have every right to stick to your guns. Try not to feel guilty. It will become harder, though, if they become infirm, as the guilt and pressure can become really difficult to resist.

My sister sent mean long message about how I'm so terrible for keeping her grandkids away. It's my whole family. I've turned into the black sheep because I finally stand up for myself.

You may need to block your sister too, unfortunately. Sorry this happening. It is not that uncommon.

My mother is toxic, was diagnosed with an anti social personality disorder before xmas. She does ring but i can't speak to her as she is so abusive. My father is in a care home, he can't stay at home as she has physically abused him, yet he phones her almost daily but hasn't phoned me in 3 months since i bought him a mobile phone.
I no longer have anything to do with my mother feel like giving up on my dad too.

I really feel for you OP. I have similar from my parents. I rarely hear from them and they never visit. I'm the 'black sheep' in my family too

It sounds like you are well on your way to realising that you don't have to put up with this shit anymore. You are not a child, you don't have to do what you're told, you don't have to do or be what other people want you to. If other people are disappointed by that, well that's ok. You do not have to listen to endless guilt tripping and finger pointing just to make others feel better. Be proud for standing up for yourself. All this stuff gets easier with time and practice x

Sorry for you. Difficult. Same for me. Moods for days. I visit but minimal. Find it wore me down. All good til she doesnt get her own way.....