My elderly mum lost thousands, now struggling

[jennykl]

My elderly mum (75) leant almost £20k to a closer relative about 4 years ago. It was leant on the firm agreement and understanding that it was only a loan, not a gift.
Fast forward 4 years, the relative has made no attempt to repay. Not even small amounts. Nothing.
This sum was a big chunk out of my mum's pension pot and I know she's too timid to have a frank discussion with he relative and start insisting they set up a payment plans or standing order to make some attempt at repayments.
Meanwhile, the relative has been on several fancy holidays, drives a fancy car, have high-expense hobbies and pets. Enough money for all those things but not enough to think about offering any repayment of the loan. My mum is now struggling and often goes without meals.
There was no legal contract or paperwork, it was all done on trust. So nothing is legally enforcible about getting any of her money back.
Its too much money for her to just lose, but really doesn't seem like she'll be getting any of it back. What can I do? I've gently broached this a couple of times with the relative but they just shout, saying they can't afford to repay anything yet. It's been years.

Can't she go to a small claims court? I think it's only £5,000 but it's a start.

Sorry hit post to quick.

Personally I would open the messages with them and say:

Remember when mum sent you xxx amount on xxx date (get it from her bank statements) and xxx amount on xx date and so fourth.
Remember we agreed it was a loan? When do you plan on paying her back please as she now needs the money.

And there's your proof when they reply agreeing.

Gently broaching won't do any good.

Can there be some kind of family deputation to tell the relative they need to start repaying?

If it is a relative, can you get other relatives involved to add pressure - if your Mum agrees?

I'd be broaching it very assertively and persistently with said relative, the time for being gentle has long gone.

If your mum is missing meals, has she checked she's getting all the benefits she's entitled to?

Yep, the gentle broaching ship has sailed. Is this a sibling?

Dear relative.

I am aware that dm lent you £20k some years ago on the understanding that this loan would be paid back as soon as possible.

It has recently come to my attention that none of it has been repaid, and more worryingly dm is in desperate need financially - to the extent that she is not even able to afford to feed herself properly.

Please can we discuss a repayment plan as a matter of urgency before dm's health declines any further.

Best wishes

Yes do this. I would hope this shames them into repaying. Your mum should not be going without basics while this cf swans around living a life of luxury

Time for you to step in and ask for it.

Also it may not be the case that it's not legally enforceable- a loan agreement doesn't need to be documented to be enforced. The issue is whether you can evidence it, and there may be various ways you can do that, eg bank statements showing the transfer, witness statement from your DM, witness statements from others who've heard the parties describe it as a loan, any relevant texts, emails etc.

In fact no. Don't tread softly. Get assertive back. Write a list of all the expensive things you know they have bought so when they say they can't even afford to pay a small amount back you can ask why they can afford x and y when your mum now can't afford to eat. By shouting they are trying to intimidate you because they know they are a disgusting person

Also have a look on the age uk benefit calculator to ensure your mum is claiming everything she should. For example is she eligible for Attendance allowance or pension credits?

Also if I were your mum I would be removing this person from my will if they feature in it or at least deducting the 20k

100% this. If you have legal insurance on your house insurance then call them and get some advice too.

Why are you “treading softly” ?

Get assertive. Insist on a repayment plan. Get some legal advice and get this majorly cheeky fucker to pay up.

What relation are they ?

You need to step up for her. Don't be gentle, be assertive.

There's a special place in hell for crooks who scam vulnerable people. Can you email the relative and lay it out in writing so that when they reply saying they can't afford to pay yet, you have written evidence?

If you are reluctant to open up the dialogue, I would frame it around Mum having a thorough review of her finances as money is rather tight. I would insinuate that maybe a pensions adviser/financial adviser was taking a look at things and wondering why the pension fund was down.
But essentially, the same as pp have suggested above. A text querying what/when the plan is for repayment.

Stop being gentle and threaten them with immediate court action, get a solicitor to write a letter, point out the holidays car etc and tell them your relatives have to go without meals.
Its time to get nasty.

Get it in writing sneakily that the money needs repaying and now. If they email back acknowledging the loan needs repaying then that is some proof they can't deny. Nothing verbally. Not even taped as it's inadmissible without their consent

This person has no intention of repaying the money. They are a nasty piece of work, happily stealing from relatives.

Time for hardball - lots of good advice above but forget any appeals to the heartstrings or to their better nature, they don't have one.

I don't understand how they would be required to repay this.
I was under the impression any money you lend to family should always be treated as a gift, as you may never get it back.
If there's no proof it's a loan and it wasn't in writing or no signed loan agreement I'm not sure much can be done?
Sorry. 😔

Sorry to say this but I don’t think you will get it back

he’s not paid it back in 4 years he’s not going to
get a sudden change of mind and give your mum the money .
He is shouting at you as it’s a good excuse for him
to cut contact with you and your mum .

I think it’s really only worth going to court if he owns something like a house but if you do go and win even if you don’t get any money back he may get CCJ

what his job is it something where getting a ccj would affect his job

A verbal contract is just as binding as a written one. It's just that it's more difficult to prove. Did she mention it to anyone else at the time other than you? Start putting together a dossier. Her bank statement showing transfer of the money, any witness statements, records of further conversations where the relative might have mentioned paying back, evidence of what he spent the money on, eg setting up a business at the same time she lent the money. Then speak to him and make contemporaneous notes, either at the time or straight after speaking.

You haven't said much about whether it is in writing it was a loan or verbally agreed.
You can set up loan agreements, did your mother set one up?
You could go to court and play the angle he took advantage of your mother, but again it depends on what communication there has been.

If you’re writing anything down to the CF, I’d make reference to your previous verbal exchanges. Some of the drafts by PPs read as if it’s the first time you’re raising the matter and leaves the door open for a “it wasn’t a loan” response.

You need to start a paper trial.

If possible type something up with dates, amounts etc and get them to sign it.

This happened lot my Mum after being too generous helping a family member CF out.