Not coping and feel fit to bust

[Onthevergenow]

My DM (very not 'D' by the way....) is driving me f''''ing insane. My brother lives the life of riley in another country and is just nasty to her (we did have shit childhood but still there's no need). He just occasionally sends abusive messages about what a vile person she is and thats his input. No other family. I am 50, going through menopause, single parent with youngest aged 7, work in intensely stressful job that batters me and I currently have no way out of... from first thing in the morning she starts. Sending me text messages, can't do this, can't do that, worrying her car is legal, going to take it off the road (we have this conversation weekly and it is taxed, MOTd and insured) she just cannot remember anything. Not even from a few minutes ago. She is in the system and recently had another memory test at gp which they are doing referral for but meantime she spends all day shuffling paperwork (totally unecessary, goodness knows what she is doing with it) and harrassing me with stupid texts and phone calls in the height of panic about nonsense. I feel like I absolutely cannot cope with her anymore. It keeps eating hours into my working day and I'm getting further behind which means working nights and weekends to catch up. I can't cope!!!!!

[IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere]

I had an easier time of it than you - loving family, husband on hand, older children, no work and my mother living in my garden but this time last year I was just about broken by my mum's needs.

She was assessed as having care needs but it was six months from the assessment to the care being provided so it isn't a quick fix (and she resented it and wanted me to pay because the carers were doing what was supposed to be my job!)

Do you by any chance use the same doctor's surgery? We did and I think we eventually got help because I broke down begging the doctor to do something to get me through it if there was nothing to be done to help mum. Can you contact the surgery and say that you will not be providing anymore support? Are you able to get another phone for your mum to use and block her number on your normal one? You can contact her when it suits you - 2 or 3 times a day instead of constant interruptions? I don't know, maybe you have tried these things. I know that boundaries were a major issue for our relationship.

My mum is now in a home - she went into hospital in June last year and the decline I had been denying became glaringly apparent - but looking at my journal from this time last year I was at the point where you are now.

[Handsoffreturns]

Mute her text notifications, ignore her calls and remember the shit childhood she gave you. She doesn’t deserve your undying attention to all this nonsense. If it works for you, schedule one or two days a week on which you’ll phone her for 20 mins, but tbh she’d be lucky to get that off me.

[olympicsrock]

Emergency falls buzzer and then mute her messages? Phone her every other day …..
put up a post card in her home to remind her that you will not check text messages for
her

[bilbodog]

If her memory is this bad should she be driving at all?

[Onthevergenow]

She is very open to financial abuse. Bloody scammers on phone and internet. Told me amazon were telling her she needed to buy a new parking permit. The neighbours son has asked her for a large amount of money for 'repairing' a fence. I am going to have to deal with that. Plus she will probably keep offering to pay him thinking she has forgotten

If I do nothing I just worry what will happen. I absolutely hate it. My head is banging

[Handsoffreturns]

Sort out POA on her accounts as this will allow you to keep an eye without being on the phone constantly. I’d also speak to the bank and see if they can put an indicator of some sort on her account explaining that she is vulnerable (they can discuss this with you when you have POA). The only thing I would do is speak to the neighbours son and tell him that anything that needs doing needs to go through you.

[PritiPatelsMaker]

I was just going to say to try and get her to sign POA before she gets a diagnosis.

I'd be wary about getting her a falls alarm as it will be you they'll be ringing when she needs help.

[LeeMucklowesCurtains]

I'd be wary about getting her a falls alarm as it will be you they'll be ringing when she needs help.

You can refuse to have your number put on as a contact. My dad had one of these and he would set it off at all times of day and night so they would have to call me when he didn’t think he was getting all my attention (he was).

I told them to take my number off and they did. They had to deal with it or call an ambulance.

My dad was like this last year. He ended up in a home from last december as he deteriorated very quickly. It’s still an uphill struggle for me, but at least now I don’t have the constant phone calls.

Like others have said, get POA sorted now.

Or you know what, don’t. Worst thing I ever did as now every thing is still my fucking problem to sort out. I’m constantly told what I ‘need’ to do it what I ‘have’ to do for him by other people and I can’t stand it. I wish I didn’t have POA, someone else would have had to have to have sorted out all the endless shit then. So think on it and what you want to do.

My dad made my life a living hell and it’s still not over, so I know what you are going through.