My dad's pants are disappearing...

[Alcemeg]

He was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment last year, and this is an understatement for his current confusion, although he does have great days where he is witty and wise.

He keeps losing things, like phone chargers. They're there one minute and not the next. I joke that he eats them.

Mum rang today to ask me to buy him lots more pairs of pants. He's run out. She has no idea what's happened to all the pairs of pants he used to have.

I suspect that he is becoming incontinent (not helped by a prostate cancer op some time ago) and just can't bring himself to confess to mum when he's soiled himself. He always took enormous pride in his

did not mean to post so soon, fingers overactive!

What I meant to add is:

Can anyone recommend disposable men's pants? I found some on Amazon and plan to take him a stack saying it doesn't really matter if he "loses" them.

Anyone else had experience of this?

Advice appreciated.

Or any other bright ideas, obvs... I'm sort of fantasising about a mini washing machine under his bed! 💗

I think I'm going to just get stacks of cheap pants from Primark. Disposable pants, I can't imagine giving them to him without him losing face.

Tena do mens pull up pants, and I think Boots etc do their own brand version. Worth buying some for him to try.

There's no telling what's going on when impairment/dementia is in play. One of my friend's grandmothers had dementia and was losing watch after watch after watch. She would say that people were coming into her home and stealing them. They would buy her very, very cheap replacements because she would be upset without a watch. After she passed away and they were cleaning out the grandmother's home, they found watches everywhere. In cushions, in food boxes, in weird containers, etc. The poor thing was hiding them herself and didn't remember.

Pull up type incontinence pads are mad expensive. And it may just make him feel seriously ashamed.

You could get a referral to a continence nurse. Is a PITA but he’ll be provided with pads on the NHS.

Might not even be incontinence. Just bowel issues and the inability to reach the toilet quickly enough.

Once you decide on a type Have a look online and you can usually get them in bulk.
do you have instagram? There’s some really helpful resources for people with dementia I recommend adria Thompson as a starting point she recently did a series on incontinence in dementia

If you can, it would be sensible to ask you DF if he is having any problems with his bladder or vowels as it could be an issue that is easily remedied- e.g. constipation with overflow or a UTI.
also to to ensure that he isn’t flushing soiled underpants down the lavatory or you could have potentially expensive (and embarrassing) plumbing issues.

Bowels not fecking vowels!!! I’m sure there is nothing amiss with his pronunciation!

As someone whose DD died last year and had advanced Alzheimer’s but had been scrupulous over personal hygiene (ex army) there was no way on earth he would ever, even in the most confused state, wear pull ups. And he was getting incontinent in the end. He would have chucked his pants too.

cheap undies in the same colour is probably a good shout.

sorry your dad and mum are going through this.

When my dad was alive he had Incontinence issues and got the gentleman's disposable/ adult pull ups on prescription - the doctor organised it and had a diplomatic conversation about it that might be the way forward

You can get incontinence underwear, washable,”like period pants
look up stressnomore website

I would get him the cheap Primark undies, like you said. If he's anything like my Dad, he would be absolutely mortified at being presented with disposable pants.

Something that looks more like a pant might help. I had this with my granny and she initially noticed they weren’t her normal pants but very quickly accepted them and it has made a massive improvement no more dirty outer clothes and a lot easier clean up if accident happens. I agree try incontinence nurse referral but can take a while. Also getting into a good routine of reminding them to go to the toilet about 30-60 mins post eating helped as did sorting out constipation

www.tena.co.uk/men/products/incontinence-pants-for-men/tena-men-premium-fit-level-4-pants

When my granny moved into a care home we found lots of bits of food in her room that she'd wrapped in tissue and stuffed into odd places. It might be worth your mum checking all the possible hidey holes he might have to make sure they are actually gone.

Check his bedside cabinet, wardrobes or under the bed. My DAunt used to hide her knickers in the bedroom as she was embarassed me or her carer would find them and realise she was doubly incontinent. "Hunt the pants" was a regular feature of my visits.

Thanks everyone for your replies, really appreciated. 💐

I used to buy my dad pants from Amazon or Ebay as I could get huge numbers very cheaply and Amazon in particularly meant they shipped direct against dads debit card so I didn't need to go and buy them and then post them. He really struggled with continence, and though I got him Tena Mens pads, he didn't always wear them, but if he had a bowel accident he'd just bin the pants

thing is that incontinence comes with dementia.
ordinary pants will not be adequate. and then there could be secondary soiling visible on outer clothes, chairs etc.
this could cause more embarrassment.
ask for referral to continence service.
in meantime, look at available tena for men etc.
since he's had prostate problems, could you present it as following in from that, and ask docs/nurses to take same approach. he may find that less embarrassing.
good luck.

We had the vanishing pants issue too. MIL was ordering loads of new packs of briefs, pyjamas etc through catalogues (and a neighbour who would post the order for her so we weren't aware of the excessive ordering going on). When she was hospitalised, we found lots of soiled laundry/clothing in the house such that it was obvious that she was incontinent. We assumed that it would be obvious to those treating her in hospital that she was incontinent but she either told them she wasn't or they never asked. After she asked for more pants and they too 'disappeared', I rang the hospital (this was a few weeks later) and said we think she's incontinent, has this been checked with her - they then started giving her incontinence pants which she accepted. Poor woman - probably just didn't know how to initiate a conversation or perhaps didn't realise there were products available.

On discharge home, we got her the Tena pants - about £13 a pack for 12 and I think she wears one pair a day so I don't think they're actually that bad value, depending on how frequent the incontinence is of course and how often they choose to change them. We also got a bin with a close-fitting lid for the bathroom to put the used ones in and, crucially, the carers know to regularly empty it to avoid unpleasant odours.

She prefers the Tena pants to the nhs ones - says they are nicer and less bulky.

I believe there are specific products for men, a bit like a sheath, so worth looking into that.

Also, the dignity/sensitivity aspect needs handling carefully - we approached it by firstly just putting the tena packs on the spare room bed and then just quietly mentioning it to her (me telling her not her son) then changing the topic quick to something else. Also, later made sure to reassure her that will keep them stocked up.

Hope this helps x

My Mum had Dementia and she used to try flushing her pants down the toilet.

In the last year of her life she was doubly incontinent, I bought all her products from Boots. Sainsburys own brand were good, they may have changed now as she died 7 years ago this month.

I would try and talk to him as there are so many products out there, and he may insist on normal pants, just get loads of the cheapest.

My Dad refused to accept he had a problem at first but as he does his own washing he soon realised he was having to change a lot more and he was having accidents at night, he now wears incontinence pants, they are boots own brand.