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Elderly parents
Original poster

In a pickle - mum in hospital, won't be safe at home

32 replies

Hembria · 17/04/2022 21:43

My dear mum who is almost 80, has had to have her lower leg amputated following an infection. Since being in hospital it is very clear that she has some serious memory and cognitive problems. She has no idea she is in hospital and can't even remember that her leg is missing Shock and keeps trying to walk on it.

My dad is very frail and suffering from Parkinsons. So I know he can't look after her if she returns home.

They have always been against any kind of poa and I have absolutely no idea if they have any money to pay for care or care homes. I dont live in the UK and cant move back anytime soon (children and job). I really have no idea where to start.

Have any of you experienced anything similar?
Will the hospital send her home even if it is unsafe?
What if she has no money for a care home, what happens?

My parents do own a house and have always worked. In case that effects anything.
Sad

OP posts:
Edmontosaurus · 17/04/2022 21:48

As she is in hospital, she should not be discharged without a needs assessment. If it is decided that she can cope at home, social services should provide a six week package with up to four support visits per day for free. Thereafter she would be expected to pay depending on assets - means tested.

It may be that the amutation means she would need to go to a specialised rehab facility first but the main thing is that she should get a support package.

WhatNowwwww · 17/04/2022 21:49

I don’t know enough to advise you OP sorry but when my Gran needed support Age UK were brilliant. You’d be able to Skype their helpline next week and they really know their stuff.
If I were you I’d also make sure the hospital are very aware of your Dad’s inability to care for your Mum and that you are overseas. If they think there are people that can offer support even if that’s a neighbour they will often try to discharge. They are desperate for beds and there is a shortage of carers at the moment right across the UK.
It sounds like your Mum will at the least require respite and rehab in a care home or even maybe a nursing home. With the right support in place and caters visiting regularly she may be able to then return home, but often the elderly end up permanently in care/nursing homes after what was planned to be a short stay following on from a hospital admission.
The hospital will have an OT that will be involved in deciding what needs to happen on discharge so I’d ring the ward and ask who you need to speak to about plans for discharge, plus speak to Age UK and take it from there.

LittleOwl153 · 17/04/2022 21:51

Problem comes as she has capacity she can discharge herself and tell them she doesn't need any help... sadly.

SiobhanSharpe · 17/04/2022 21:52

The hospital should enquirer as to her living arrangements and will not discharge her to go home as long as they are aware of her true situation.
She should at least have a 'care package' with carers coming in each day to get her up, washed, dressed etc.
The hospital will be especially cautious after a leg amputation . She may be sent to a rehabilitation unit in the first instance, it sounds as if it will be necessary.
It sounds to me as if she may be best cared for in a nursing home.

Original poster
Hembria · 17/04/2022 21:53

Thanks for replying @Edmontosaurus i cant imagine six weeks will be enough but it is very reassuring to know she would get some help.

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 17/04/2022 21:58

Please make the hospital aware that you are extremely concerned about her safety if they try to discharge her back to her home, she will certainly fall if she's trying to walk. And that she is also having cognitive issues.
Also that your father is frail and unable to care for her himself.

gogohm · 17/04/2022 22:03

Speak to the hospital social worker and your local adult social services. Also ask about continuing care ( you can ask for an assessment). If they have savings over £23k they may need to self fund

Soontobe60 · 17/04/2022 22:06

Contact the discharge team at the hospital. You can let them know of your mum’s situation and that your dad is unable to look after her. Who’s current;y looking after your dad?

Original poster
Hembria · 17/04/2022 22:07

Thanks so much everyone, I really appreciate your help!

@WhatNowwwww I'll definitely give the Age UK helpline a try as soon as possible. I did let the ward know today but I'll follow up with an email.

@LittleOwl153 yes she could but sadly I don't think she will find her way out of the hospital. At the moment she thinks she is in a restaurant.

@SiobhanSharpe a nursing home seems sensible because I don't think she will be able to look after her leg properly. Would her package of care cover the fees for this? I'm worried that my parents will have to sell their house and then my dad will have nowhere to live.

OP posts:
StillNoFuckingEyeDeer · 17/04/2022 22:10

Im pretty sure they won't have to sell the house if your dad is still living in it.

Original poster
Hembria · 17/04/2022 22:11

@Soontobe60 they were somehow looking after each other. I visited in October and it was obvious they were getting old but between them they were managing somehow. it has been staggering to come back and find them so different and in such a pickle.

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 17/04/2022 22:11

They won't have to sell the house until your dad passes away.

Perhaps you could take a trip home to get things organised for them.

SiobhanSharpe · 17/04/2022 22:12

Your dad won't be evicted from his house. I think care or nursing home fees are held in abeyance if a spouse is still living in the family home.
If your mother is eligible for something cslled 'continuing care'

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer · 17/04/2022 22:13

Independent Age have lots of very helpful factsheets and leaflets.

www.independentage.org/information/advice-guides-factsheets-leaflets/continuing-healthcare-should-the-nhs-be-paying-for-your-care

eeyoredebbie · 17/04/2022 22:14

Has she been admitted to a ward? Asked to speak to the matron/sister for an update. Also ask to speak to hospital social worker. If they start talking about discharge ask to speak to the transfer of care team or discharge team. Express your concerns strongly. I have financial POA for my dad unfortunately not health POA but you can still express your corncern. My dads been in and out of hospital loads over past few years. Social services or discharge team will do a capacity assessment of your mum. In his area at least there is the option for further 28 days of assessment at a care home but you need the intervention from SS or discharge team. Hope you can get someone to listen xx

SiobhanSharpe · 17/04/2022 22:15

Sorry, posted too soon.
If your mother is eligible for 'continuing care' then the NHS is responsible for paying any nursing home costs. However it's not easy to get this but it's certainly worth pursuing.

Original poster
Hembria · 17/04/2022 22:16

@StillNoFuckingEyeDeer @RosesAndHellebores ah that's so reassuring that dad won't have to go through selling the house.

I'm currently in the UK but have to leave for work in a few days but I'll return in a week or so to try and help again.

OP posts:
Thunderface · 17/04/2022 22:18

Can you ask them to do a cognitive assessment. An Addenbrokes would help to know how serious her impairment is.

Toddlerteaplease · 17/04/2022 22:19

Make sure that she is not telling them that your dad will be able to care for her. You need to make the hospital aware that he absolutely can't.

RosesAndHellebores · 17/04/2022 22:22

You are likely to need the support of your MP in any advocacy for continuing care. The key is that it is clinically required rather than socially required.

simbobs · 17/04/2022 22:27

When my parents were in the situation where one wouldn't be able to look after the other, Occupational Health came to do a home visit before hospital release was sanctioned. They would get a full picture of the circumstances. I'm not sure whether you will be able to make any decisions without power of attorney, though. Perhaps you could revisit this in case your Mum will soon lack capacity.

Cookerhood · 17/04/2022 22:29

It is possible to get continuing care (we did for one of my parents) but it's tricky. If you think her care needs are primarily medical rather than social start to look into this now. There will be information on the Age UK website.

ladylook · 17/04/2022 22:30

If she goes into a home then it will only be her income and savings that will be taken into account for paying the fees and not the house as your dad is living there.

It doesn't sound like she would be CHC (continued health care) eligible and it literally has nothing at all to do with the MP, but you can ask for an assessment. If she doesn't have ongoing nursing needs she definitely won't be eligible.

The best option would be some kind of discharge to assess bed in a care/nursing home that will be short term funded by health to see what her needs will be. If she has dementia then she should be assessed for mental capacity to see if she understands her care and support needs and if she does and understands the risks then she may be allowed home.

eeyoredebbie · 17/04/2022 22:36

Yes the team my dad has been referred to is called “somewhere to assess” or s2a, They have got him a 28 day placement in a care home twice now. Have been on this merry go round for years unfortunately but will see how this time goes lol.

LightSpeeds · 17/04/2022 22:44

Contact your local Age UK on Tuesday and see if they have an Out of Hospital service. Even if they don't, they should be able to provide good advice.

Sorry but don't rely on the info that your mum will get 6 weeks' care. She might IF the hospital decide she needs it AND IF it's available (which it isn't in in much of the UK due to lack of care staff).

If she is assessed as needing care visits, she may be kept in hospital for weeks or even months waiting for them to start and she will get weaker and more mentally deconditioned in that time.

There is a MASSIVE health and social care crisis so although things may turn out well be prepared for them not to.

Sorry to paint a grim picture but that's the way it is at the moment. I work with this stuff for my job.

What county do you live in?