Reporting parent to DVLA, not safe to drive

[SueDenim7475]

Hello

A second post from me on a more discrete issue - does anyone have any experiences of reporting an elderly parent to the DVLA if they are not safe to drive?

Due to concentration issues and slow reaction times I think DF had already reached the point he should surrender his licence and DM agrees. Then he had major surgery this year and the set-back has been massive in terms of his mobility. He seems to think with physio he can get back to where things were but even if that's right he almost certainly shouldn't be driving.

We think it is unlikely he will accept this. We're aware you can get a driving assessment where someone will assess whether you remain safe and competent to drive and if they decide you aren't then you are meant to report yourself to DVLA and surrender licence. We do not know if DF would agree to do this, or even if he did and he 'failed' whether he would surrender licence. (He is required to notify his insurer of his op and the fact he hasn't driven for last 5 months and has refused to do so).

At the moment is in a care home for the next few weeks and DM has in any event hidden his car keys so no immediate need to do anything.

But I think where we will end up is DM and I having to report him to DVLA, but telling DF we are doing this (no point trying to do it anonymously as it would obviously be us).

I presume DVLA then forbids you from driving/revokes your licence and instructs a GP to carry out an assessment or something but it's not clear.

Either way, if anyone has been down this route and can share any advice that would be much appreciated.

My DF got to the stage he coudn't drive anymore, he did agree to stop driving though.

Would this link help you? Age Uk are very helpful.

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/travel-hobbies/driving/worried-about-someones-driving/

Thank you @Anystarinthesky

What I did was spoke to the gp who then took on board my concerns (without giving any info to me) and did an assessment when they saw my parent and then told them they shouldn’t be driving and they would be letting DVLA know.

Yea, I did it anonymously regarding her eyes. She was asked to visit a special optician, this optician told her not to drive while it was investigated, she refused the treatment she needed, so her licence was removed.
She was absolutely spitting mad, but she and the rest of the family never found out it was me.

Please act.
My DM was killed by a pensioner drifting head on into another lane, he killed her and another woman and badly injured others. She was 69.
Explain your concerns to the GP and get him to ask him in for an assessment under the guise of a 'well man check'.
Good luck.

If he hasn't driven for five months, is currently in a home for respite I'm not sure I'd broach it. I'd remove the battery for 'charging' and see what happens. Sometimes I've found it easier not to remove the licence, just remove the means to drive.

My friend got her dad to have a check and he was told he could carry on driving- must have been a fluke as he was very dangerous. Made it really difficult then.

If you can lose the keys for long enough this might be better for now.

I would also find some excuses for them to take taxis occasionally, so it becomes an easy decision to switch to that. (If its affordable). Get familiar with a local firm so they begin to recognise the drivers, work out most user friendly way of booking (phone/app/email etc) and then its one less hurdle to giving up the driving.

Good luck.

@cptartapp I'm so sorry to hear that. There's no way we will let DF drive, it's just a question of the best way of going about persuading him not to and if that doesn't work, of preventing him whether via reporting to GP, or direct to DVLA, or getting him to agree to do a safe driving assessment which will almost certainly conclude that he has to hand in his licence.

@Ducksurprise it's been something he keeps raising himself, both when he was in hospital and now in the care home, so one way or another we'll need to tackle it head on. Even if we remove the battery or the keys @MoiraNotRuby, my DM has her own car which she will need, so there's a risk he would just try to drive that. However, I gather they have no problem getting taxis when they need them so at least that is an option.

Thanks @AchillesPoirot for that suggestion. I will mention it to DM to see if she would prefer to raise it with the GP and leave it to the GP to play 'bad cop', or if she'd be more comfortable being open with him about it.

It’s so hard isn’t it?
My 89 yr old dad wrote his car off last year and hasn’t driven since. There’s no way we would allow him to, but my mum keeps saying ‘when your dads better we will be able to get a car and go out again’.
He’s nearly 90. He won’t ever get better than he is.
I honestly think he accepts he won’t drive. He’s so unsteady on his feet now I doubt he’d be capable of filling it up with fuel, let alone drive.

However. I’d have no qualms of reporting him is I needed to.

My dad was an absolute menace in the car and shouldn't have been driving but he wouldn't have it. I had to completely lose my shit at him.

I reported my FIL. He couldn't recognise a mini roundabout painted on the road.

He got a letter telling him he'd been reported and asking for his medical records.

He was fuming and asked if I had done it - I was the most obvious person TBH. I swore blind I hadn't and eventually he and MIL decided it must have been someone at Memory Clinic. I did not correct them that someone treating him would have had to warn him they were reporting him.

A stand off ensued where his battery went flat, MIL pretended the car was broken, but he then started talking about buying a new one.

DVLA were clearly not going to give up and wrote again at which point he went to his GP who told him he wasn't fit to drive and he handed in his licence without going through the whole process. Phew.

I reported my mother in law. She's not old at only 72 but she's a dangerous driver and always claims she is blind in one eye which is why she didn't see car/wall/van coming. In the last 3 years she has written off two cars, the first time she pulled across the lanes on a motorway into the side of the van. It was only because the traffic was slowing due to roadworks she wasn't seriously injured. She didn't even get the car checked over despite visible damage and it was only when the car just stopped in the road she discovered that the front axel was damaged beyond repair. About 8 months later she pulled out without lookikg or signalling and was hit by a lad driving too fast. She refuses to accept she was at fault for it because the lad was speeding but there was clear dash cam footage which showed she just pulled out.
More recently she drove into a low wall and demolished it and then walked off without saying anything. Again the video footage showed her not only hitting the wall but the continuing to drive forward pulling it down. She also drove the wrong way into a carpark and burst both front tires on the spike entry and then drove a further 3 miles on two flats.

She absolutely refuses to acknowledge she is a bad driver. She always says she had something on her mind or didn't see something. However this isn't medical so she continues to drive and we continue to worry when she is late to arrive in case this is the time her "not seeing it" is fatal

I keep my fingers crossed that by the time I have trouble driving, the cars will be driving themselves...

@cptartapp

Please act. My DM was killed by a pensioner drifting head on into another lane, he killed her and another woman and badly injured others. She was 69. Explain your concerns to the GP and get him to ask him in for an assessment under the guise of a 'well man check'. Good luck.

I'm so sorry 🥺💕

My mum has had several strokes & a triple heart bypass. Her mobility is awful. So I was straight with her & said she will be a hazard to other road users & she isn't to drive. I then sold her car & used the money to put in a stair lift. I'm not mucking about with other people's lives at risk.

I reported FIL to his GP after being in the car with him and he twice pulled out in front of other cars. He hasn't been well enough to drive since anyway but MIL hid his car keys. I don't know what the GP did.

My DF is 79 he had an accident last year, he has a dash cam and we all (family) viewed and agreed it was his fault. He would not have it and even when insurance said it was indeed his fault they were wrong. He is blind in one eye and frankly a terrible driver now, I went in a car with him last about 5 years ago and shares my concerns then and DM agreed with me. He is worse now although hasn't driven as far as I know for months. DM believes that he has been told he shouldn't drive but DF denies it. He can barely see, barely walk and has no balance but thinks he's fine to drive! DM refuses to get in the car with DF but apparently that's my fault for planting the seed in her mind hes not safe to drive!! Not the near misses (that he cant see) or the accident but me!

@HobnobsChoice

I reported my mother in law. She's not old at only 72 but she's a dangerous driver and always claims she is blind in one eye which is why she didn't see car/wall/van coming. In the last 3 years she has written off two cars, the first time she pulled across the lanes on a motorway into the side of the van. It was only because the traffic was slowing due to roadworks she wasn't seriously injured. She didn't even get the car checked over despite visible damage and it was only when the car just stopped in the road she discovered that the front axel was damaged beyond repair. About 8 months later she pulled out without lookikg or signalling and was hit by a lad driving too fast. She refuses to accept she was at fault for it because the lad was speeding but there was clear dash cam footage which showed she just pulled out. More recently she drove into a low wall and demolished it and then walked off without saying anything. Again the video footage showed her not only hitting the wall but the continuing to drive forward pulling it down. She also drove the wrong way into a carpark and burst both front tires on the spike entry and then drove a further 3 miles on two flats.

She absolutely refuses to acknowledge she is a bad driver. She always says she had something on her mind or didn't see something. However this isn't medical so she continues to drive and we continue to worry when she is late to arrive in case this is the time her "not seeing it" is fatal

Thank you for reporting her.

@HobnobsChoice that’s awful. Who did you report her to? I’m just astounded that with her track record that wasn’t enough at least to require she undertake a driver assessment even if she has no obvious medical issues.

And if she can’t pass the assessment (which sounds likely from what you say) then she would be told to hand in her licence . And if she refuses then I would hope if you reported it to DVLA that she’d failed that they would then take action.

I wrote to the DVLA about my Dad. I told them his Doctor's name and my concerns. They wrote to him and sent his Doctor a form to complete. This was about 16 years ago though. Unfortunately they did give him his licence back a year or so later when his GP said his physical condition had improved, I was not impressed with his GP over that because we were back to square one. I was just starting the process again when Dad entered his final illness, I remember a nurse in hospital being utterly horrified when Dad produced his car keys "He's not still driving?????!!!!!!!" "Yes, thanks to his bloody GP!"

I recently reported an acquaintance with dementia who needed me to help as she had crashed her car. It was clear that she had forgotten for an instant how to drive. She could have killed someone. I did it online. Look on the DVLA Website ot Google.

Yes, a relative with dementia, but the useless GP assessed him as fit to drive. A month later he crashed the car into the central reservation of the motorway at 2am. It's a miracle no one was hurt.