Estranged father wants me to executor of his will

[isitnearlysummeryet]

My father and I have been estranged for the last couple of years (when he did make some malicious allegations against me out of spite. Also very abusive verbally and very narcissitic in nature).
My sibling disowned him for similar reasons almost 20 years ago and has been NC with him since.
My son loves his grandad and has always been close to him, so despite the vile allegations made against me, I decided (against all professional advice at the time) to allow my son to continue seeing him. Just to be clear - he's not a risk or threat to my child.
I see him (my dad) once a week (a quick handover of my child when he's been out anywhere with him or for a sleepover). No convesation, no pleasentaries or small talk. The sight of him makes me angry.
I've had 3 couses of counselling and still on anti-depressants following his malicious allegations (which could potentially have led to me being arrrested). Thankfully, the allegations were quickly found to be false by those involved.
My child is too young to have any idea of all this.
Today, (whilst bring my child home), my dad said to me (very matter of factly) -- "just so you know, I've put your name down as executor of my will".
No questions, no conversation, nothing.
Not sure how I feel about this. I haven't seen the will but believe my son stands to inherit from him.
What exactly is involved in being an executor?
Is it the norm to be nominated as an executor by a parent you are estranged from and no longer have a relationship with?
I'd feel like a fraud and a fake planning his funeral when his wicked behaviour almost put me in an early grave.
He has not other child (just my sibling who disowned him years ago and myself). My dad has always denied making the allegations but they have been confirmed by 2 independent people of professional standing (and who aren't linked in any way). His name was mentioned by both as the accuser so I know for certain it was him.

How distressing. I wouldn't engage with it. People say they've done all sorts of things in their wills and it may not even be true - just designed to get you to spend time arguing with him. If it turns out he did this, just appoint a solicitor to do it for you when the time comes.

Yes, if you're named as executor it's a right not a duty. You have the option to administer his estate if you want to apply for probate. But you don't have to. Ignore for now and see how you feel when the time comes.

If he's left everything (or a large part) to your son, and your son is still a child it would make sense for you to be executor. You can still leave it to others (professionals if necessary paid for from his money) to actually do the hard work like organising the funeral and clearing and selling his house.

Thanks for the reply.. He said I'll be getting a copy of the will in the post ( think he's seen a solicitor to draw it up recently). He mentioned a trust fund for my son to inherit when he's older. Of course it goes without saying that I'd make sure his wishes for whatever he wants to leave to my son are honoured when the time comes... But I just find it really odd and inappropriate to be chosen as the executor.
Considering he spent the last few years trying to rubbish me both as a person and a mother (long story) and making it his mission to make me feel a failure in every aspect... If I'm such a loser then why appoint me fo for such an important duty?

Why appoint you? Because he has no-one else who will do it for free.

When the time comes, if he hasn't changed his will by then, you can appoint someone else to do what needs doing. You can also renounce the executorship and have nothing at all to do with it. Just because he's named you as executor doesn't mean that you have to do it.

You don't have to do it, but assuming that your DS is the beneficiary you'd only be harming him by spending his money on professionals instead of doing it yourself. Acting as an executor is in practice for the benefit of the living, not the dead.

@isitnearlysummeryet

Thanks for the reply.. He said I'll be getting a copy of the will in the post ( think he's seen a solicitor to draw it up recently). He mentioned a trust fund for my son to inherit when he's older. Of course it goes without saying that I'd make sure his wishes for whatever he wants to leave to my son are honoured when the time comes... But I just find it really odd and inappropriate to be chosen as the executor. Considering he spent the last few years trying to rubbish me both as a person and a mother (long story) and making it his mission to make me feel a failure in every aspect... If I'm such a loser then why appoint me fo for such an important duty?

I can see what you mean, but really if your son is the main beneficiary then it's your son's interests that you'll be looking after (making sure the money he inherits is managed in his best interests) rather than your father's. Look at it that way.

Thanks for the replies. Yes, I can see the benefit of doing the financial side of it (administering anything that's left to my son) but I just feel really uncomfortable with the rest of it.
He said the other duties involved will be clearing and selling his house and co-ordinating the funeral.
I don't feel comfortable with either of these. Tbh, I wasn't even planning to attend the funeral when the time comes. Would feel like a fraud and a hypocrite. Realistically I'd only attend as moral support to my son (if he wants to attend).

I haven't even set foot in his house for the last 3 years (even though it's a very short distance away and my son is there each week).

You can hire a company to come clear the house and just tell them you want nothing from inside. In your situation I'd put my feelings aside to do it for the benefit of my son but it sucks! I'm estranged from my father so you have my sympathies

Just hand it all over to a solicitor

I don’t think it’s the job of the executor to plan the funeral. You can appoint your solicitor as executor - you wouldn’t expect your solicitor to organise the funeral.

I'd make sure his wishes for whatever he wants to leave to my son are honoured when the time comes Safest is to be executor then, rather than him choose some distant relative. Although any executor is bound to execute the wishes of the deceased