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Elderly parents
Original poster

Carers keep losing DM

17 replies

Supersimkin2 · 10/04/2022 23:57

Parents have live-in carers to assist them as both have dementia.

Twice in a month I’ve been called urgently by carers to mount rescue missions for DM who’s gone out across London on her own and not come back.

Both times - by freak of chance - DM surfaced fine after I traced her and she made it home.

My nerves aren’t fine. What procedures can we put in place to make sure this doesn’t happen again? The carers are keen to preserve DM’s ‘dignity and independence’, as is DM. The family are keen to preserve sanity.

Carers are on £3.5k in cash a week (yep) for 24/7 care. Family don’t live anywhere near. What would you do?

OP posts:
SilverHairedCat · 11/04/2022 00:12

She would be safer in a secure home.

I'll bet the carers want that contract to continue given the value to them, but they aren't looking after her best interests of she's at this level of risk.

balzamico · 11/04/2022 00:16

I suspect you can get live in carers for less than that. If yours are live in then they are not doing their job properly.
If they are not live in, then I'd work urgently on getting the space so that they can as I'm assuming with both parents affected you are reluctant you use a care home (which is definitely the safest and better long term, option)
We had a tracker for my dad but he didn't always take keys, the best method is preventing them leaving really

londonmummy1966 · 11/04/2022 00:16

I think all the talk about dignity and independence is to keep the job. I agree with PP that if carers can't keep her safe she needs to be in a home. How is she getting out? Is there insufficient security on the house? Are the carers stuck on their phones and missing her leaving? It sounds very negligent to me.

backtobusy · 11/04/2022 00:17

Well either a residential home or similar secure environment.
Or put a gps tag on her, similar to ones people use for dc, or even an apple tag.

RunnerDown · 11/04/2022 00:21

Is she just leaving without them noticing. Or do they feel they can’t stop her from going out when she wants to?
You can get alarms round doors which go off when the door is opened. And tracker devices that can be placed in coat pockets/ handbags. But difficult to know if they would help without more specific information

toomuchlaundry · 11/04/2022 00:31

Probably time to go into a secure nursing home

aramox1 · 11/04/2022 06:30

If they're 24/7 why aren't they with her? (3.5k sounds like you have 2 at once).
Are they agency- if so does agency have ideas? Have they had an ss needs assessment to determine the level of care needed?
Obvious solution is a gps tile in her bag/pendant/keys/purse- just needs carers to charge it occasionally.
I am more on the side of allowing independence- assuming they are determined against care home, keeping her safe seems like a lower priority than giving her choices.

kitty1993 · 11/04/2022 07:21

Please do not consider putting your mother into a care home unless that is what she wants to do. If you do that and she objects to being there then the decision will be reviewed by a judge and she may have to return home. It's called a s.21a challenge and it's part of deprivation of liberty safeguards- aka not locking people up against their will!! And not enough people know that or realise that. I work in SS and have been involved in a fair few of these types of cases.

That being said, trackers are a good idea and mean she can still go out and be found. Positive risk taking is what you want to explore. Could one of the carers go out with her each morning/ afternoon so she can stretch her legs? Go to the shop or the park. Chances are that will tire her out and she can rest for the rest of the day. Does she have her details on her incase she does get lost? I found someone with dementia once, she was outside my house half naked in the rain. She couldn't tell me her name or where she lived, but luckily I noticed a few doors down from me there was a front door wide open and we managed to guess correctly that she was from that house.
You can buy those rubber band bracelets which you can put her name and maybe your mobile number on? So if someone does find her and she's confused they can ring you and let you know.
You can get alarms on doors which will at least alert the carers to her going out.
Is there a certain time of day that she tends to want to leave and can she tell the carers where she's wanting to go? Sometimes people with dementia feel they need to go collect their children or need to go to their place of work and so this information can help work out the places she might go to if she does leave without anyone knowing.

I hope this helps and I know it's stressful but please consider other options before considering a care home. People think care homes are the easiest option but it's only easiest for the family and can be a really miserable and stressful experience for the person going into care.

Original poster
Supersimkin2 · 11/04/2022 10:25

@Kitty1993 no judge would release DM, believe me.

Where can I find a care plan for them?

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 11/04/2022 11:41

Can't imagine it was stress free for the DM being lost and alone walking the streets of London

Original poster
Supersimkin2 · 11/04/2022 11:44

Exactly - but now she’s flatly refusing a mobile phone. Not her choice, sadly.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 11/04/2022 11:45

I'd change carers and get people who are more competent.

A580Hojas · 11/04/2022 11:52

Well they quite clearly aren't worth £3.5k a week (cash?? why cash? sounds utterly dodgy) as they aren't providing 24/7 care.

A relative of mine has just spent time in an utterly luxurious care home (sherry at noon, beautiful gardens, loads of activities, lovely carers) for £1400/week.

Don't be guilt tripped into not trying to persuade her to accept a place in a care home. 24/7 care obviously isn't working!

CorpusCallosum · 11/04/2022 11:56

@kitty1993 has great advice.

Start with googling "telecare 'your area'" and see about getting door contacts which will alert the carers if she opens an external door. They can then respond immediately & accompany her out or guide her back home rather than her getting lost!

BlanketsBanned · 11/04/2022 11:58

Why are the carers being paid cash. Does dm have capacity. You can contact her gp and adult social services and explain she wanders and has had to be bought home, that she is not safe with the current set up. She needs a full risk assessment including a capacity test. A carehome would be much safer. Is rhe house not alarmed or secure.

kitty1993 · 11/04/2022 20:54

[quote Supersimkin2]@Kitty1993 no judge would release DM, believe me.

Where can I find a care plan for them?[/quote]
Oh dear 🙁 everyone's dementia journey is different and sometimes sadly the end result is a care home. If your mum lacks mental capacity to make a decision about how her care needs are met then a decision will be made in her best interests and that should involve you and any other family/professionals relevant in her care.
Ultimately if the decision to place her into care is the only appropriate option and it is challenged then the judge will at least want to see that other options have been trialled and failed (this is often referred to as "the least restrictive option"). I hope you can find a solution soon.
Take care ❤️

EmmaH2022 · 12/04/2022 23:41

How did they lose her?
A door wedge alarm might help.

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