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Elderly parents

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Recovery after long stay in hospital.

7 replies

TwoDaysOff · 24/03/2022 20:16

Looking for reassurance here. MIL was in hospital for months after a fall and has recently been discharged. Apparently she is on the six week assessment period for returning home or to decide if she needs a home. and dh has gone to stay with her. She needs a hospital bed, which is on order. A few other bits are on the easy as well.

In your experience, how long does it take for the elderly (80's) to gain some semblance of normality back after a long hospital stay? She now needs a walking frame as well. Dh has been there over a week already helping her, and she has needed quite a bit of assistance .

Thanks!

OP posts:
TwoDaysOff · 24/03/2022 20:22

Easy = way.
And to make it clear, I don't mind dh being there. He needs to be for MIL safety, obviously.
More what are we looking at so we can be prepared and make arrangements for a longer stay if necessary. (Different country but still UK)

OP posts:
TwoDaysOff · 24/03/2022 20:53

bump.

OP posts:
IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 24/03/2022 21:09

At the age of 82 my already frail mum spent nearly 3 weeks in hospital and came home with a reablement package. I was already her carer, doing all her meals, cleaning, shopping, acting as her hands and feet I suppose.

Unfortunately her mobility never recovered from the unrelated illness - she was already disabled with arthritis and she was in hospital with a perforated ulcer and sepsis. She had real struggles with toileting, she needed a wheelchair to get her to and from the bathroom and the illness actually marked the beginning of her cognitive decline.

The reablement package was no real help to us. They got her up in the morning and would help her change into her bed clothes at night but she (quite reasonably) did not want to go to bed at 7.00 p.m. when she had no tv in her bedroom and her eyesight was too poor to read. She also started to get herself dressed in the morning and the carers weren't really interested when I tried to explain that she was not washing, just dressing herself to show that they were not needed.

So after a month she was signed off as something of a success when in truth she was much less able than she had been before she fell ill.

That was in the August, by the October I was desperate for help from Social Services and she eventually had a care package of two calls per day that started in the beginning of March.

I was at the point where I was needing more help - she was getting more frail mentally and physically - when she had a fall and ended up in hospital where it became apparent that she needed more help than could be provided at home.

After being ill mum had two years at home through the pandemic which meant we had a lot of quality time together so I'm glad she didn't go into a home there and then but I have to say she did not get any better, only worse.

You might want to ask Mumsnet to move this post to the Elderly Parents board. It has been a godsend for me over the past couple of years.

Happydays321 · 24/03/2022 21:24

My mil never regained her mobility, she mentally gave up too but she didn't want to go into a home. She had the money to pay for carers four times a day.

This actually worked well until she died.

TwoDaysOff · 24/03/2022 21:41

Thanks, both.

I didn't realise there was an elderly parents board, I will ask @MNHQ to move this thread, thanks.

She has been deemed incompetent already. DH is cooking for her and still needs to help her toilet. He has also been doing all the cooking. Carers are doing three daily visits, but as DH still has to help her in between it seems not enough tbh. I think mentally it is good to be at home but perhaps a care home is needed now. DH cannot be there indefinitely, and at the moment she cannot be left safely, especially as we live so far away.

DH is not well himself either, so I do worry about that and what he is taking on as well.

Plus we are missing DH as well! :)

OP posts:
ImaniMumsnet · 24/03/2022 22:42

Hi OP,

We will move this for you now and we are wishing your mother in law all the best.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 25/03/2022 10:19

This is a really lovely corner of Mumsnet. The Cockroach Cafe is a lovely supportive thread for those moments when you just want to rant or have a quiet cry or laugh with people who know what you are going through.

A friend who nursed both her parents at home until they died in their nineties said to me "This is the best she is going to be - changes will only be in one direction." which could seem a bit negative and miserable but it actually helped clarify things for me - if I can not cope now how will I be in 3 months? 6 months? A year?

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