Where do I start with getting advice

[Rattysparklebum]

My dad is 83 and some days gets very confused, just recently he has started seeing imaginary people, can’t find his way in or out of his bedroom and can’t remember how to turn the tv on, other days he will laugh and joke and be absolutely fine.

He had tests for dementia last summer and an mri but it came back clear. DM is nearly 80 and starting to feel emotionally overwhelmed, she says she doesn’t want any help but then will break down in tears, neither would agree to DF going into a home.

They live in rented accommodation and get pension credit, if I contact LA what might they offer? Is there a good place to get advice?

That sounds quite like my dad's dementia symptoms. The imaginary people included. I think it's a distinct possibility that's now what you're dealing with even though last year's tests were clear. Were those done through your GP? Was it the memory test for starters?

To get LA help for dementia you will need a diagnosis. I would go back to their GP and explain how your dad has declined as a first step. How are they both doing in terms of their ability to live independently in their home? What is your mum having to pick up as part of looking after your dad? It might be time to look at getting carers in but the LA will want to do assessments, personal and financial, to see what they would consider necessary. Would you or other family members be able to help pay for private carers?

There is two streams that need to be involved which depending on your area may or may not join up.

Nhs should be able to retest and look at medication.

LA should do a care needs assessment. This may include things like access to a day care centre to give your mum a break.

The alzheimer's society are good and sent someone to chat with my mum..they also arranged a local volunteer to come and entertain my dad for a couple of hours each week although this was pre covid.

Thanks @GooseberryJam and @helpfulperson, DM manages ok at home, they live in a small bungalow so easy to manage, she stopped driving last year so I take her shopping once a week.

I will get him to the GP again, they did memory tests last year which he did ok at but there does seem to be an increasing number of bad days.

Did they do the memory test in person/by video or over the phone? My mum sailed through when they did it on the phone with no one else present. But the asked to to remember a phrase and she wrote it down and when asked to do so could recall it perfectly. When they asked her if she knew what time of year ir was she looked at the paper snd told them the exact date, time of day - checked the click etc. When it was repeated by video with my brother there we realised and he took away the props. Then it was 2003, not even the correct season and didn't remember being given a phrase to remember.

It sounds like they are at the stage where a medical diagnosis is probably needed, but there is no current great need for your DDad to be cared for. Is he okay with personal care (washing, dressing, eating, drinking, toileting etc)? Is your mum able to cope with the domestic load ok?

For MIL it was when the dementia made it impossible for her to be cared for at home that she had to move into nursing care (albeit she also had bad osteoporosis so was increasingly immobile) as FIL could not cope with the personal care. She was not taking her medication correctly; was not able to toilet, wash, dress etc and struggled to eat and drink. That was what drove the move to a nursing home, not the dementia itself.

@Rattysparklebum

Thanks *@GooseberryJam and @helpfulperson*, DM manages ok at home, they live in a small bungalow so easy to manage, she stopped driving last year so I take her shopping once a week.

I will get him to the GP again, they did memory tests last year which he did ok at but there does seem to be an increasing number of bad days.

That is very much how dementia can present at the start and whilst tests may not have shown anything before they may do now after clinical assessment. So the best thing is write to GP bullet pointing what you've seen, arrange GP appointment that you take him to and GP may very likely refer to older persons mental health team

That's the start. You can also ask dad and mum if they'll agree to a referral to adult social care ((social services) although the S/ worker will want OPMH to see him and diagnose