Sibling care when parents are gone

[Scarecrowrowboat]

Not sure if this is the right board but here goes.
Those with moderately disabled (physical and learning) sibling that cannot function living alone but disability is probably not life limiting, what plans have you made with parents for when they are deceased or no longer able to care for them? They are retired and starting to worry about what will happen/ what plans can be made. Although there's a part of me that wants to say we'd just move straight in and take over care we have two young children, parents live a fair way away in a place with v limited job prospects so it would be a difficult move. I don't think they'd adapt well to a big city move so them moving into our v small house probably won't be great especially as we have stairs. I have no idea what suggestions to make. I know it could be years but no way to know what the situation will be when the time comes.

I would suggest that your parents start looking at transitioning your sibling into a care/supported living environment long before it gets to this situation. Your parents could become frail/ill long before they die and in fact long term caring is highly likely to affect their health.

Not all care is in traditional style care homes ie the sort that old people generally go to. I know a number of young people who live within an organisation which buys ordinary houses in ordinary streets, adapts them and puts a team of carers in around the clock. There are anything from 4 - 8 adults living in these houses. These are often profoundly disabled adults. My nephew lives in a Camphill community house where the carers live as part of a 'family' with the adults but he is fairly able (has DS) but is very happy there.
I have a friend whose disabled sibling will end up in a crisis situation once her DM (late 80's) dies as no such arrangements have been made (DF already dead)
Putting someone into the care sector is often full of guilt but in many ways you are doing them a favour by making the transition long before crisis point. I say that as the DM of a profoundly disabled daughter for whom we were in the process of looking at making such a move although sadly she died before we got to that stage.

My niece has severe autism and will never be able to live independently. She has no siblings and my own children live in a separate country.
Her mother was mid 40s when she came a long and the father is not in the picture and has never taken in any responsibility in any sense. My sister has consequently started planning from very early years what will happen and has saved and saved to pay for her care. My other sister has told me she is leaving everything she has to the care of her niece too. There is no national health care where they live. My sister has had to take a very pragmatic approach.

They need to start looking for a long term place for your sibling now. Dealing with loosing parents and their home and being older is going to make it more difficult and traumatic.

I have 2 kids, 1 of whom is disabled. I absolutely do not want DS2 to feel pressured in any way to be a carer for his brother, DS1 is already asking to move out of home (he’s late teens) so we’ve already mentioned it to the social worker and will push a bit harder in the next couple of years.

My Aunt & Uncle had a similar situation and my cousin successfully moved into a Camphill community in her mid 30’s.

Family member has had their disabled child in supported housing paid for by benefits. They recently passed away and their money will be left to a trust run by a disability charity to provide additional financial support for the rest of their life.