Dm has stopped eating. Does anyone have experience of this?

[franke]

Dm is late 80s, lives alone but gets out and about. Has always been a bit of a picky eater but in the last 6 months or so her appetite has dwindled alarmingly.

I live in mainland Europe, dm is in the UK. Since restrictions were lifted I've been visiting about once a month. I knew the loss of appetite was becoming an issue but I was really shocked at the change in her from last month to this month.

It's a complex emotional issue I think rather than a sinister underlying illness. She hints at some unnamed illness but refuses to have any tests (which I respect), but she does have form for being a bit over dramatic. I've also noticed that while she struggles to eat anything substantial and healthy, she can polish off a slice of chocolate cake without thinking about it. She's also quite obsessive about food - talking about it, buying it etc.

She says she likes eggs but won't eat too many of them because she's worried about cholesterol, so more concerned about the effect of that on her health than the effect of starving to death

I'm feel there's not much I can do. Moving her here is not an option. And actually with her current state of health I'm not sure any move is really an option. Have any of you been through this?

Common among the very elderly. I managed to get my dad to see a NHS dietician, and he accepted from her the message to go back to whole milk and butter.

People stop wanting to eat at the very end of life. Also, declining sense of taste, lack of company at mealtimes can cause loss of appetite.

Don’t worry too much about eating healthily. Chocolate cake is good. At least it’s got eggs in it.

It’s very hard to know what to do at a distance. Meals on wheels, if available where she is, can deliver a ready made meal. There arelunch clubs for the elderly. Supermarket cafe for cheap lunch once a week (not wanting to waste money tends to come into play too) If you’re visiting monthly, feed her up during the visit, and leave behind a box of her favourite biscuits.

With my Nan (90) we just encourage her to eat anything, no matter if it is healthy or not. So if she likes cake, encourage her to eat cake. Just getting anything into them for nourishment or energy is good if they're limiting in food. With nan we get increasingly frustrated because she will call and tell us how frail she feels, but we know it's because of how little she is eating! I think certainly in her case her stomach has become far more sensitive as she has aged and she can't tolerate a lot of foods now. Anything carby is "claggy", vegetables "move through her", eggs "bind her" etc. Could it be your DM is the same but is perhaps uncomfortable referencing bodily functions so using cholesterol as a red herring?
I don't really have much advice as keeping Nan eating is almost a full time job for my parents who live nearby (I live away) but just some solidarity. I'd say when you visit take a little hamper of cakes, biscuits etc. Small things she can nibble on. Nan becomes overwhelmed with big plates of food. She never mentions eating the little biscuits in packets but DF said he never sees them when he goes and he doubts she's chucking them away. If she's got a sweet tooth then she might have one with a cup of tea etc. which is better than nothing!

Thanks for these very helpful replies. Believe me, if she ate nothing but chocolate cake for the rest of her life I'd be perfectly happy, and I've said this to her. It's her cockeyed thinking that holds her back.

Dietician is a good idea. Small things also a good plan. I went shopping with her the other day and she agreed to get some little bags of spicy flavoured crisps, which later told me she had tried and liked, and chocolate finger type biscuits as well as a cake which we cut up and put in the freezer so it won't be wasted. Also a microwaveable curry - she likes flavour but won't make flavourful food for herself.

Yes, food waste and money are big issues for this generation. Food waste I can leverage with her to my advantage, issues with money I can't really - it's the theme of her life.

But again, thanks for the replies, it's comforting to know she's kind of 'normal'.

My mum went right off food in the last few years of her life. So everything she fancied was celebrated. She loved drinking got chocolate with cream so I used to say how wonderful it was she was getting calcium from milk. It's eating for comfort really

Dm 96 has been prescribed ensure drinks by the district nurse….. she likes the flavours.
Parsley box and Wiltshire farm foods who deliver frozen meals may be worth looking at? Dm has a small tin of biscuits by her chair. 😉

You could be describing my mother, she lost weight rapidly over a period of 3 months and it became very clear that she was hiding food, telling us that she had eaten when she hadn’t, and other excuses. She had a number of tests, I think her go thought she must have cancer. All clear.

Exactly like my mum (76)
Agree with encouraging her to eat whatever she ‘fancies’ even if doesn’t seem very nutritious eg/ choc cake is better than nothing. My mum can be persuaded to eat Chinese takeaway- over several days, due to tiny portions.
Strongly recommend talking to GP. My mum was referred to dietician and now gets Ensure drinks by prescription so free. She likes them and think they are about 300 calories each, she is managing about 3 per day.

Another thing that helps - encourage ‘grazing’

Snacking on lots of nibbley bits, rather than a proper meal - it’s less daunting to someone who doesn’t want to eat. Things like cheese, crackers, dates and other fruit with lots of carbs and sugar etc
Good luck