Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Elderly parents

Residential Respite Care

9 replies

jeaux90 · 10/03/2022 09:30

Anyone have a recommendation for a nice respite care place for an elderly and rather immobile woman?

My sister and I do care for her at home and have carers in but we both need a break and need to find somewhere for mum to go for a week or so that will feel like a break for her too.

I'm in Oxfordshire but happy to drive down to the coast or within a couple of hours.

OP posts:
Ikeptgoing · 10/03/2022 14:05

Is mum self funding this?

You can contact the local social care team to get a list of local cafe homes

Will she need a nursing home or a residential home and does it need to be dementia registered?

So once you know that (if she has nurses come in to do wound or diabetic injection care for eg or is hoisted would indicate a nursing home not residential but that is not an exhaustive list)

Social workers are not allowed to recommend homes . But you can look up CQC latest registration details and also ask on local fb groups or cafe homes that people like and have had relatives at. Look in their websites and talk to the manager about costs and about care. Good managers (/deputy managers ) will be reassuring.

Each care home will do their own provider assessment to identify if they can meet mums needs

Now if you wanted a cafe home down in south coast I know lovely ones! But I can't recommend officially at all Grin

However for a 1-2 week respite you probably don't want to take mum on a long journey. So do look local as if she likes where she goes it is helpful for later on.

If mum has under threshold savings or assets (£23.250 )not tied up in her main residence, it may be worth asking the local authority (social care team) for an assessment to consider for a planned respite stay for main carer break (if you usually live with her or provide substantive several times daily/ multiple hours daily of care). They would assess and say what they'd recommend and financially assess to potentially support with respite stay if the S/w assessed it as being a need.

Ikeptgoing · 10/03/2022 14:05

Care homes not cafe homes
Sorry autocorrect

Ikeptgoing · 10/03/2022 14:06

CQC latest inspection details I meant!! You can read inspection reports as these are online. But these can be several years old and things have changed,

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 10/03/2022 21:48

You can look at the inspection reports for the homes you are interested in but if you were comfortable with it you could also ask for recommendations on FB. You can find that homes present an amazing front for the care inspection but families and friends or previous staff give a very different story.

jeaux90 · 11/03/2022 12:01

@Ikeptgoing that so helpful thanks! She will be self funding but I will talk to the social worker about seeing whether they can part fund as her savings is under the threshold.

My sister is desperate for a break and I can't step in full time as I am a single parent with full time job.

I did find one and spoke to them this morning but if there are any you particular like I'd like to hear it. We are happy to do the journey to the coast to find something that will feel like a holiday for her but yes you are right finding something more local would be a good option for other occasions perhaps.

OP posts:
NewspaperTaxis · 11/03/2022 12:42

Okay - here's the thing. I wouldn't let a parent within sniffing distance of a care home unless you've already got LPA in Health and Welfare. And Finance too, but the first is important. You don't say if you parent has mental capacity, but that is a nebulous area.

Without Lasting Power of Attorney, you are simply not the decision maker for your parent's care once they are deemed to have lost mental capacity. Someone else is - a State operative, a social worker etc. In my experience - Surrey - social workers act in cahoots with the local care homes, against the 'best interests' of the resident. In other words, they can join forces with the care home to actually keep your parent stuck in that care home forever. Self-funding? Excellent, they're more likely to do this than not - why, they want your money and as a self-funder you will be subsidising the council-funded residents, it's a fiddle.
If there's an outbreak of Covid in the care home, you may at once change your mind and want her out. No LPA? Not your decision to make. Getting angry? 'Abuse and intimidation will not be tolerated' and you will be barred.
I'm not saying this WILL happen, not a bit of it. I'm saying it can.

Also, from what we read about grooming gangs in Oxford, certainly social services re the young is toxic, no reason to assume it's any better in Adult Social Care.
CQC totally corrupt in my experience, they sit on bad care home reports for eight months to tacitly support them. Positive, improved reports are rushed through with indecent haste.
I'd go by word of mouth if you can. Oh, and you may want to establish whether your parent is DNR and so on. (I'd advise against.) If your parent has an underlying condition like Parkinson's I'd be on your guard.

You'll need labels sewn into her clothes so they don't get lost, no valuable items should be admitted into the care home.
If her condition deteriorates because of poor care, the argument may be used to suggest that is a reason she has to stay and not return home - while your family inheritance is fleeced. Again, easily done if you don't have LPA - hey, you're not the decision maker!

You may want to check your so-called 'social worker' is actually registered as a social worker because if not a) They can't be struck off and b) They can 'recommend' any care home they want.

You'll probably be alright, just flagging stuff up. Oh, corresponding with a social worker? Do it via email or you can later prove nothing.

I put my mother's various care homes in the local and national press for what they did to her. Nobody ever gets into any trouble and social workers are not allowed to be mentioned, let alone named. I cannot recommend any of the 7 Surrey care homes she attended though to be fair, respite might be okay, if the worst happens the State will cover up for them. Avoid Barchester, Bupa, Four Seasons, Compassion Homes, any of those big chains. An idea of how bad it is is that the former head of the CQC went on to be on the board of one of the more notorious care home chains, that's just how it is.

jeaux90 · 11/03/2022 13:29

@NewspaperTaxis I'm so sorry you and your mum had such a bad experience.

We absolutely do limit contact with social services and put a complaint in with the care company that used to come in to look after my father (dementia) as we know they were implicated in his demise just before he died. There lack of care the weekend before he dies beggars belief.

My mother is mentally fine. We care for her at home as this is what she wants and we don't want her going into a home full time.

I have spoken to Manucourt who only have two homes and family run. They seem to have good reviews and asked us to go visit first so they can assess mum.

I'm getting nervous about doing this now but I'm not sure of the alternative that will provide mum with a break (with a view) whilst her care is in place abs give my sister a well deserved break.

OP posts:
Pythonesque · 11/03/2022 15:49

I hope you can find somewhere that feels right. It's occurred to me that I know of two places in Norfolk we'd recommend based on family members' experiences; but they are probably a bit far for what you are looking for. One was somewhere deeply rural not far from Kings Lynn and the other over in Stalham; I'd be happy to look up details if those locations would work for you though.

If it's a place with a view you're looking for, there's a nursing home on the A40 just past Burford that sits very much on the side of the ridge and I've often thought the views there must be lovely. But I know nothing at all about it other than having driven past it many times!

NewspaperTaxis · 11/03/2022 17:30

Thanks for your sympathetic words @jeaux90 - and to be fair a) Yes, respite for a week or so is necessary, one needs a break and b) If your parent is mentally pretty sound it makes probably ALL the difference, it might help however to whip out the mobile phone and film a few moments with her with 'today's' newspaper, just for fun like, so you can prove this is the case. Later, your really are in a case potentially of what you can prove or not.
I am sorry to hear about your father's experience before he died. Did anything come of your complaint?
Firms that visit folk in their home can be worse than a care home, it's like there is nobody to check up on what they do and it's quick, in and out.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page