My lovely mum has died and I feel nothing.

[JaneExotic]

Please help. My mum was a FABULOUS mum and I loved her hugely. She died last week and I was with her at the end; it was exactly how she wanted it to be at the end.
I still haven’t cried. I’m sleeping a lot and eating more than usual. I’m sad but I mostly feel tired, restless and numb. Is this normal?

OP I am so very sorry for your loss.

However you feel is "normal". Don't worry about how you "should" feel. Just be hugely kind and forgiving of yourself and however you feel and take good care of yourself

How you grieve and what you feel is how you should grieve and how you should feel. There are no rules and no right ways to deal with your loss.

To have a good death is the greatest thing anyone can hope for, being with her to the end binds the love you have. She will always be with you.

Totally normal, just let you mind and body do what it has to do, grief finds it's own path for everyone.

Firstly I’m so sorry for your loss

Definitely normal. When I was a kid my Great Nanna did everything for my mum, me and my two siblings to have nice things. My mum was a young single mum on benefits and really struggling a lot and my Great Nanna sent us on holiday twice a year, bought our coats and uniforms for school all so my mum could heat the house and put food on the table for us. She would never see us go without and would say she’d rather pay for us to go have a week in the sun than sit home with her money waiting to go to her ungrateful kids (my grandmother and great uncles) when she finally passes away. I absolutely adored her and she was truly the most significant happy memory of my childhood. I found it really hard to cope with when she got sick, I was only 13 at the time but I refused to believe that she was going to be gone for good. When my mum phoned me to tell me she had passed away I said okay and hung up the phone. I just sat there and couldn’t muster an emotion even if I tried. In the two weeks leading up to her funeral I didn’t cry, didn’t leave my room, didn’t speak to anyone. It really was my first ever experience of being completely and utterly numb. I didn’t cry until her funeral. I cry to think about it now and I remember trying my absolute hardest to sing the hymns but all I could do was have a complete and utter breakdown to the point that my grandad had to take me to the back of the church to calm me down. It was like it all just stayed locked away until that exact moment we walked into the church.

Quite normal. My much-loved mother died with me at her bedside, two years ago, and TBH I haven't really cried at all. I feel like the grief is seeping through at geological speed, one droplet at a time.

When you think about it, bereavement grief is a complex emotion. What is it for, evolutionarily speaking?
Love for your children helps them grow to adulthood and pass on (your) genes, anger and fear can galvanize you towards fight or flight when danger threatens.
But grief? What does it do for us, exactly?
I've heard it argued that it persuades fellow members of the group that your attachments are strong and you'll be helpful as a friend or ally... but surely they see how you behave to others when they're alive, which is more direct evidence?
So, grief is a bit of a random punt on behalf of Mother Nature - let's try having this new class of emotions and see where it leads - and that, I think, is why it doesn't always manifest in an expected or understandable way. Maybe Mother Nature teamed up with your subconscious and said,
"She's cared for her mum right up until the end, people saw her do it, I think we can skip the crying option, what do you think?"
But of course they don't bother to send a memo to our consciousness, so we end up sitting dry eyed and self conscious at the bloody funeral, wondering whether there's something wrong with us, worrying that we've turned into some sort of unfeeling monster!
OP I sympathize, but as with a lot of things, as long as you do the appropriate thing, it doesn't much matter what you feel. Just KOKO and - take care of yourself.

We have just had my mum's funeral (1st July) her passing came as a huge shock. I got the worst phone call ever from the hospital saying my mum had passed. I have shed many tears since her passing and funeral. Like you I now feel nothing. I talk about my mum to my friends and how she passed. I now feel like nothing has happened as though Im going to see her soon and that she's away on a holiday or something. Surely this isn't normal :(

I think it’s normal. It took me ages to feel anything when my DF died. I think it’s shock tbh . I don’t think I even cried at his funeral. I remember feeling removed from everything and very very tired though.
Then months later I woke up in the night, in floods of tears and sobbed my heart out . It was kind of a relief to start feeling grief.

It's normal in my experience. I lost my lovely dad unexpectedly in February and barely cried at all. It sounds an awful thing to say,but I cried more when my horses have died than when my dad died,but it's true.
It hasn't hit me yet. I've been so busy sorting everything out since he died,every lunchtime,weekend and evening is pretty much taken up with it,that I haven't had time to process it. I think that my brain knows that until everything is resolved,I can't afford to lose focus and truly mourn him. The pain runs too deep at the moment for me to cry.
OP and Bloodywhitecat I'm thinking of you both.