My lovely mum has died and I feel nothing.

[JaneExotic]

Please help. My mum was a FABULOUS mum and I loved her hugely. She died last week and I was with her at the end; it was exactly how she wanted it to be at the end.
I still haven’t cried. I’m sleeping a lot and eating more than usual. I’m sad but I mostly feel tired, restless and numb. Is this normal?

It can be normal, especially if she was very old or had a long illness beforehand. Have you lost someone close to you before?

Grief comes in waves and even then everyone reacts differently. Not everyone cries or stops eating.

It doesn't mean you don't love your mum.

It might well hit you later. I went into practical mode when my dad died, sorting about probate, clearing his house etc but the grief suddenly struck me later.

Yes... it really is. How wonderful that she was a great Mum and that you loved her hugely. Love is all that matters. You were there with her at the end and it was how she wanted it to be. I wish I could say that I knew all the answers, but I truly believe with ever fibre of my being that people who pass knowing that they are loved, and people who are with their loved ones, feeling loved and thankful for the love that they have know, have the best kind of deaths. Death is a transition, an inevitability and having that happen without regrets, without guilt and without anger is beautiful. Yes, it is sad and you many well feel a raft of emotions roll in and out over the coming days, weeks and years but hold on to 'fabulous' and 'hugely loved'. Enjoy the extra food and extra sleep. You body needs rest and nourishment. If you can, get outside and get some sunshine on your face for a short time every day and remember the love.

Yes it's very normal. It's your brain protecting you. I had the same thing. Then several weeks later I was doing something at work and it just hit me like crazy. Let yourself feel what you want to feel and don't feel any guilt about it. You will feel it when your brain is ready

Sometimes when someone is ill or elderly or its just their time, then death is the natural next stage. She was loved and she was loving. She died exactly how she wanted to go.
I guess over time youll feel the loss more, but maybe right now your brain is protecting you.
Im really sorry for your loss

My mum has been dead 5 years yesterday. Yesterday was probably my hardest day since she passed. Agree with the poster re grief coming in waves.
When she first passed I remember feeling numb and unable to cry. I never cried at the funeral.
I've had days since then when i have felt like I'm really grieving. Days where I feel overwhelmed with sadness and miss her.

Thinking of you

I’ve actually teared up reading these. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

So sorry for your loss. Yes, it can be very normal to feel like this.

@ChateauMargaux your post was lovely. Thank you.

I felt the same and it lasted for a while. My mum was amazing and I was with her at the end. She had a short illness (only 66) but she was in no doubt about how much we loved her and I still feel like the love from her hasn’t ‘run out’ if that makes sense. Your mum sounds so lovely and I send lots of love.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Yes it's normal. Go easy on yourself and allow your feelings as they come. Very sorry for your sad loss.

You might find the funeral is your trigger point . After the death of a loved one There is so much do so and organise . The funeral can made it real / final .
Sorry for your loss.

I think it's normal, you are probably still in shock. My lovely mum died eight months ago and I felt very similar to you, I didn't cry very much and I was worried that I wasnt grieving "properly".
Everyone grieves differently and I find that eight months on, the grief can unexpectedly overcome me like a tidal wave out of nowhere, much more intense than after she first died.
Look after yourself, rest as much as you can

I'm sure it is. We all deal with things differently and at different times. You may suddenly find yourself feeling emotional or crying on a walk, or in the car, in the supermarket, or anywhere out of the blue. Or you may not cry for months. Right now your body is doing what it needs to get by and possibly just to get through the funeral stage. It doesn't mean anything, right or wrong. If the numbness still persists later on, just talking about your mum with a close friend might help - she sounds lovely and you must have shared so many good experiences and memories.

Completely normal, my DH died at the weekend and I am numb yet carrying on as normal. I know, at some point, it will hit me like a ton of bricks.

Op so sorry for the loss of your Mum. . I lost my darling mum six weeks ago and I didn't cry much the week she died, just on and off and second week I too felt numb, nothing. I think it's kind of disbelief. Hardly cried until the funeral then after that, last week, it just hit me. I started my own post just before mum died and the support I received was fabulous. Can't believe MN could he so lovely.

Just take it a day at a time. There seems to be no right or wrong way to grieve. Just let your body do what it wants.

RIP to your mum, she sounded like a great person and you an amazing daughter.

It's normal. Shock and coping can have that affect. Grief comes in waves.

I grieved before my Mum died and then was numb when it happened until later.

Yes this is really normal. You need time to process what's happened and your head to work through it. If it makes you feel any better it took a good week or so for the grief to hit me after my dad died. I felt numb to start with and then it hit me, and I cried a lot. And then it got easier, with days of sadness thrown in amongst other days that were fine. Even now, 7 years later, I'll still have a wave of grief wash over me when I come across something I know my dad would have been interested in or that we would have discussed but I now can't do with him.

I think it is normal. I remember feeling sad but not heartbroken when my dad died. I went to work and carried on as normal. It hits me in small doses.

Oh, I'm so sorry
I won't bang on about my dad's death but you feel how you feel, it's fine. Ignore any perceived "shoulds" or theories. Everyone is different.

Some people cry, I'm a relentless bloody crier and I wish I wasn't. Others say it's good to cry.

I think you do you. If you want to do normal things, if you want to do a bunch of admin, if you want to batch cook, go for a run...just do what you need to do.

I am with mouthful in that the love doesn't run out. It still has power after the person has gone.

And here's some polite online stranger love for another vase

When my grandmother died I felt enormous relief. When my mother died I literally collapsed. Our reactions vary so much depending upon the circumstances surrounding the death and our own situation at the time.

Be prepared for your grief to evolve. It isn’t a static thing. It will get better and worse

You’re all so lovely and your posts have been very reassuring. I’m sorry for the losses that have given you such wisdom.

@bloodywhitecat I am so very, very sorry. It’s hard to lose a parent but at least it’s more ‘natural’ than losing your DH. ❤️

I think when somebody has lived a long life, it can sometimes feel that they completed everything they needed to do, and that everything they had to give was passed on.

That doesn’t mean there will be no grief at all and that they won’t be missed, but it does make their death easier to accept, and the loss less painful.

I didn’t cry at my Dad’s funeral, I held it together , talked to people, basically kept going , and then when I got into the car to go home (a long drive) I cried and cried and couldn’t stop.
I found similar with my Mum. I was also with her when she died and I had focused on caring for her and not going to pieces. I found that the grief hit me in waves. It is normal to feel numb and blank at first, you will feel different things as time passes. Look after yourself and treat yourself gently, looking back the first year can be a bit of a blur and you are vulnerable . Anniversaries and Christmas can be a painful time. It is a huge thing to go through , I am so sorry OP.