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Elderly parents
Original poster

No hospital visitors

59 replies

Creamegg84 · 15/02/2022 15:15

I understand "the covid risk" but when are hospitals going to allow visitors again?
My elderly aunt age 94 has been in hospital for 2 weeks Completely alone. She is deaf. None of us can go in and advocate for her. She told a staff member that the family have abandoned her & forgotten about her but we are ringing every day (taking hours to get through aswell) and they aren't telling her that we have called.
Her care home are refusing to have her back and she now needs medical care but the hospital say she's medically fit to be released. She can't even hold her own head up. We have no idea who to speak to or to find out what's happening.

I cannot begin to imagine how many thousands of elderly people are in hospital right now completely alone, with no family there to support them, bed blocking and basically just lying in a hospital bed.

My cousin (age 50) is in intensive care in the same hospital. Had internal bleeding and a stroke 3 weeks ago. Has been in an induced coma, now awake but with tracheostomy. Again no visitors allowed including his wife or mother, and cannot even video call as he can't talk because of the trach. I feel like this is one of the biggest crisis of the pandemic. The damage to mental health caused to vulnerable people in hospital must be huge. My aunt is giving up on life and we have no way to help her

OP posts:
Susu49 · 15/02/2022 15:18

I'm so very sorry to read this, is utterly dreadful and heartbreaking.

I don't know if it's of any help, but even during covid outbreaks when they shut down, care homes must allow residents to be visited by an essential care person.

I'll try to find the link. But I don't see why this person can't then visit the resident in hospital.

I would certainly be kicking up a stink about it and hope others will be along shortly with better knowledge of the situations in hospitals atm
Flowers

Sipperskipper · 15/02/2022 15:20

I am so sorry to hear this. We have the same rules at our hospital and it is heartbreaking. Staff also find this very distressing. My advice would be to speak to PALS, as well as the matron responsible for that ward. Email your MP. It is appalling that people are kept from loved ones like this. In the first & second waves, and with national lockdowns I could understand, but now people are vaccinated, going abroad, no masks I just cannot see how this can be justified.

Susu49 · 15/02/2022 15:21

Also a quick look online suggests that visits should be permitted under certain conditions and if you can't be admitted onto the premises then they should facilitate virtual visiting.

Although how when they don't have time to answer phones...!

Original poster
Creamegg84 · 15/02/2022 15:56

The ward phone just rings and rings when you call. We spend hours trying between 3 of us.
These people are too elderly /frail of not mentally able to do video calls, she doesn't even have a mobile.
My mum could visit her at the care home and is next of kin but not at the hospital. It's just dreadful.

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 15/02/2022 16:01

It is appalling

I'd say the words "safeguarding issue". Be very specific. Contact Adult Social Care as well.

I second the advice to let your MP know, and PALS. It is insanity.

My mum refused a hospital admission because the ambulance told us the two nearest hospitals were not still allowing visitors unless EOL and she knows from previous experience, if there's no advocate, nothing will happen.

mummyh2016 · 15/02/2022 16:09

It's a farce. DH lost his gran a week before xmas, she'd been in hospital for a week after having a fall and passed away of pneumonia. She saw no family for the last week of her life despite MIL seeing her every single day for the last 30 years+ since his granddad passed away. She was also deaf so no one was able to speak to her via phone, MIL was speaking to the ward daily. His grandma likely thought she had been abandoned. I will never forgive the government for this. Why patients can't have one nominated visitor who has to show evidence of a negative lft I will never know, put them in bloody PPE if they're that worried.

CorrBlimeyGG · 15/02/2022 16:21

We've been through this, it's inhumane. It makes me rage when I hear the government talk about all the restrictions going, it's a lie.

lazymum99 · 15/02/2022 17:49

What’s strange is different hospitals have different rules. We were able to visit once a day and one at a time if we booked it.

lazymum99 · 15/02/2022 17:54

This was a Big teaching hospital in London. Also a carer is not considered a visitor. I would contact PALS.
This is what it says about carers:
Carers are welcome to come to hospital to support patients' health and social needs. A familiar carer or supporter is not considered a visitor. We can provide carers with a carers’ passport so that each patient’s main carer can be identified easily.

LIZS · 15/02/2022 17:55

Usually they will allow a carer for a vulnerable patient.

EmmaH2022 · 15/02/2022 18:27

@LIZS

Usually they will allow a carer for a vulnerable patient.
The ambulance people were sure that my 83 year old would be expected to advocate for herself. I don't know what is considered vulnerable any more.
EmmaH2022 · 15/02/2022 18:27

*mother

Not just a random 83 year old!

MrsTophamHat · 15/02/2022 18:31

My grandad died in hospital last week having seen nobody for the last three weeks of his life because of a no visitors policy. They put him on a ward that had Covid, even though he did not have Covid. He was tremendously anxious about my grandmother at home.

I am furious on his, and my grandmother's behalf that their 63 year marriage ended like that.

fantasmasgoria1 · 15/02/2022 18:33

A person who is a friend of mils wife was in hospital and he was allowed to visit her. I don't know if it depends kn the ward etc.

EmmaH2022 · 15/02/2022 18:37

@MrsTophamHat

My grandad died in hospital last week having seen nobody for the last three weeks of his life because of a no visitors policy. They put him on a ward that had Covid, even though he did not have Covid. He was tremendously anxious about my grandmother at home.

I am furious on his, and my grandmother's behalf that their 63 year marriage ended like that.

I am so sorry.

Is there any co ordinated action going on about this?

Purplewithred · 15/02/2022 18:38

Challenge this hard. Does anyone have POA for her, or is anyone registered as her carer? If the hospital want to discharge her then their Discharge Hub will be involved, you might find a way in there.

You may also find the hospital has a carer liaison service and if she's 94 and in a care home then one of you is her carer. Try to track them down, or find her local council carer support organisation (eg Action for Carers).

CorrBlimeyGG · 15/02/2022 18:40

Usually they will allow a carer for a vulnerable patient.

For so many hospitals, that's no longer true.

LeroyJenkinssss · 15/02/2022 18:41

I don’t understand this. Our hospital has allowed a single named visitor for an hour a day for weeks now. And if a patient is demented (or lacks capacity for another reason) it’s more flexible. For patients on end of life care there are no restrictions. In addition we have a ward garden that able patients can have socially distanced visits for up to three (I think) people. For us that means patients can have their kids or grandkids visit (we have a mainly elderly patient group).

I think this is ridiculous and frankly harmful. Also why on Earth is it taking hours to get through to someone? Do they have a ward clerk (some don’t)? Do they have a patient phone that does video calls - we have a mobile that can do WhatsApp video calls that patients can use (or be held up so they can see their relatives faces at the very least)

EmmaH2022 · 15/02/2022 18:51

Leroy oh I've often found, pre Covid, that it's impossible to reach the ward.

MrsTophamHat · 15/02/2022 19:08

@EmmaH2022 no, the rest if my family are much more accepting than I am and are in the mindset of 'he's at peace now, it was the right time for him', and health-wise, I accept that it was. Nobody else is angry in the way that I am. They feel it was just the way things are now with Covid. I feel that it wasn't good enough.

He was of sound mind but not tech savvy. He and my grandma had their basic Nokias and would call each other each day, but that was it. We knew he didn't have long but his death was relatively sudden. A few days before we were told to expect him to be discharged soon.

EmmaH2022 · 15/02/2022 19:17

[quote MrsTophamHat]@EmmaH2022 no, the rest if my family are much more accepting than I am and are in the mindset of 'he's at peace now, it was the right time for him', and health-wise, I accept that it was. Nobody else is angry in the way that I am. They feel it was just the way things are now with Covid. I feel that it wasn't good enough.

He was of sound mind but not tech savvy. He and my grandma had their basic Nokias and would call each other each day, but that was it. We knew he didn't have long but his death was relatively sudden. A few days before we were told to expect him to be discharged soon. [/quote]
Blimey
Well, I think that's a good approach for them but I'd be raging

I'm sorry for everything you've gone through Flowers

No one should have to be in hospital with no visitors, it's appalling and unnecessary.

MrsTophamHat · 15/02/2022 19:20

Thank you. I'm glad to hear that it's not just me who thinks this. I think sometimes we are too quick to defer to authority and I just kick myself for not doing more to question and push this when he was alive.

We always think we have more time, I guess. I really thought he would get home one last time.

Northernlurker · 15/02/2022 20:22

I'm a hospital manager. This turns my stomach. Fight to get in, ring PALS, make a formal complaint , ring your mp. Fight. They will let you in if you do that. It's absolutely wrong, we should not be doing this. Infection prevention is not enough of a reason.

SoSadForDad · 15/02/2022 21:19

I agree it's a scandal that this is still going on, yet I have not seen anything about this in the national press? In my case my very elderly and disabled Dad has been in 4 different hospitals and briefly in 1 nursing home over the last 4 months. The first hospital none of us were allowed to see him and it was difficult to get through by phone /impossible at a weekend. The second hospital my Mum was allowed for 1 hour per day and I was allowed a visit when he was seriously ill. The Nursing Home, no one was allowed. Hospital number 3 no one allowed, hospital no 4, my Mum was about to be able to have a 30 min visit, when he was readmitted to A&E in Hospital no 3. At this stage I had not been able to see Dad in 3 months and my Mum had not seen him in 7 weeks. Thankfully a compassionate sister in A&E allowed us to spend the day with him. He is now on a ward and we have been told that very limited visiting for just my Mum can resume subject to a lateral flow test. The whole system seems inhumane. So sorry for all of you experiencing the same situation.

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