Hope no-one minds me posting, but I feel the need to get some 'objective' perspectives on this situation.
My mum died six weeks ago. I have one sister who emigrated to Australia 12 years ago, having lived abroad for a few years before that and having lived in Australia for several years before that. Her partner and child are Australian.
I have always lived in the UK about 100 miles from my mother. We have never had a close relationship by any measure for various reasons, although I have always kept in touch with her. The way I think of her is as someone with some sort of 'emotional disablity' whereby her bitterness over the past and belief that her daughter's role was to look after her got in the way of her having good relationships with people in the here and now.
Although she was incredibly demanding and toxic, I knew that having grandchildren was very important to her and visited her, she visited us, I invited her to birthdays/Xmas etc. Basically, tried to facilitate her being a grandmother in ways that caused me and my children as little distress as possible. It was really difficult and distressing for me tbh.
My mum's health began deteriorating about 7 years ago, and I was obviously the one visiting, giving her lifts to appointments, organising care, lifeline etc. Her health really deteriorated the last year, lots of hospital admissions, carers involved, social workers involved, lots of calls to life line etc. She sometimes phoned me 20 times a day (when she was developing a UTI etc). As people on this board know, it's an incredibly stressful time, along with working, my family etc. She refused to have a cleaner/use a laundry service, so I did what I could.
Obviously with covid etc, it would have been incredibly difficult for my sister to visit, although she did phone her etc. She came over as soon as travel restrictions lifted in Australia - my mum was in hospital, moved into a nursing home and died a few weeks after my sister got her. I was very relieved that she had managed to see her and spend some short time with her before her death (covid meant that visiting very restricted) and in all honestly, it gave me a break from the slog of doing everything. I've always known that it will be me sorting out her house etc, so after years of being on the frontline and knowing more was ahead of me, I took a step back.
My 'would this bother you?' is about what feels like my sister 'writing me out' of the story of my mother's ill health and death. The speech she gave at my mother's funeral thanked her neighbours for helping her maintain her independence but not me. She's made various social media posts talking about her coming to the UK, my mum dying etc without 'tagging' me (which she does for other posts) or even mentioning me. She mentioned that some of the leave she had was 'Carers leave' which was very nice of her organisation, but I suppose it feels that if she saw herself as a carer seeing my mother for an hour at a time when she was somewhere being looked after, why couldn't she acknowledge my role - which has been very time-consuming and demanding - over the years?
Am I being over-sensitive?
I have absolutely no intention of ever mentioning this to my sister btw, she's very self-absorbed and wouldn't 'get it' but I do need to process it somehow.
TIA