Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Elderly parents

Depression? Or something else.

10 replies

Imtoooldforallthis · 12/01/2022 09:21

Could really do with an outside opinion. My mum is 83, diagnosed with dementia, has a few medical issues, copd, general aches and pains. She lives alone and manages OK, she showers, cleans, does all her own washing. Struggles cooking as she can't remember what to do. I visit daily and when she's had short hospital stays, twice daily etc. She presents well to doctors, visiting family, will play with great grandchildren. But, when I visit she constantly cries, says she will kill herself, she's no good for anything. I really feel for her and nothing cheers her up, but it does make me feel awful and as if it's me that's the problem. She constantly says she's on her own and not got a partner, she divorced my dad 40 years ago. For years I've tried to get her to socialise and do activities but she wouldn't abd now she has no friends because of it. She won't pay for a carer/companion, so what do I do. I have a few issues at home(with DD) and just feel like why do I bother as all I do is make everyone unhappy. Doctors k ow her well but won't prescribe anti depressents due to other medication. Also tried local befriending charity but they are not doing home visits only telephone calls and she's not good on the phone.

OP posts:
Mosaic123 · 12/01/2022 10:08

Can she afford a cleaner? This would give you a day when you don't have to go and you know she would be checked on?

It sounds like you are doing your very best in a very difficult situation.

Mosaic123 · 12/01/2022 10:12

There's also meals on wheels which might be helpful for her as cooking is difficult and, again, means she is checked on.

My DH and I volunteer with a charity that delivers them and the deliverer will have a brief chat at the door.

Are there any day centres that she can go to? Her Dr may have some information for you?

Imtoooldforallthis · 12/01/2022 10:19

Cleaner and food delivery not a bad idea, she doesn't have any savings, but does get attendance allowance. She wouldn't attend a day centre as she struggles making conversation as she can't remember what words to say. But it still wouldn't help her loneliness and depression.

OP posts:
Imtoooldforallthis · 12/01/2022 10:23

And just to add she has had a couple of mini strokes, so she talkna lot of nonsense, but the problem is she knows she does and it upsets her, she also hallucinate a lot.

OP posts:
MereDintofPandiculation · 12/01/2022 11:03

She’s in a difficult situation, and no-one can cure it.

I think I’m more worried about you. “ why do I bother as all I do is make everyone unhappy.” That’s not a rational thought, that’s the sort of thought that depression gives you. So stop giving head space to your mother for a while, and concentrate on looking after yourself.

ItsDinah · 12/01/2022 11:16

I'm so sorry. It's really soul-destroying and very common with Alzheimers and other dementias. It is not you. Yes, they will bear up with others and inflict it all on you or other people they trust. It is very upsetting for you,not to mention infuriating. I would make sure the GP knows what she is saying and how often and how it makes you feel. All you can really say when she expresses her misery is that you hope she will feel better soon. Her lack of company doesn't help. Other PPs have made some suggestions. It would be great if you organise some kind of visitor every day. It would help you if someone was there when you visited. You could try getting a home hairdresser and manicurist. Chiropodist? Home delivery of groceries. Can she knit or crochet some squares or "help" with some other craft. If she has a religion, churches often have groups of visitors. It is very,very good of you to visit every day, but you need a break. You could at least curtail most visits to concentrating on anything you need to do and avoid sitting down for a chat. You need to look after you.

Imtoooldforallthis · 12/01/2022 11:33

She has been a doer all her life, sewing knitting, carpentry, gardening she has had to give it all up, she can no longer sew or do anything dextrous with her hands, struggles to write. She can Potter in the garden in the summer but struggles with the cold in the winter. She seems to struggle with concentration so doest use her kindle anymore, struggles to use the TV guide so just watches what's ion TV rather than series etc.

OP posts:
Mosaic123 · 12/01/2022 16:20

Might be worth buying her one of those clocks that tell you what day it is? Then she might be able to use her TV guide a little better?

Imtoooldforallthis · 12/01/2022 16:41

@Mosaic123

Might be worth buying her one of those clocks that tell you what day it is? Then she might be able to use her TV guide a little better?
She has 3 already, she still doesn't know what time of day it is.
OP posts:
Mosaic123 · 12/01/2022 16:42

Sorry to hear this.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread