Alzheimer's- care for my mum

[wincarwoo]

Hi everyone

My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year. She's coming up for 85.
She lives with my dad.

She has deteriorated recently both in mobility and mentally. She is very quiet and is starting to get confused as to where she is. She still recognises people though. She manages to move around inside with the help of a frame.

My dad (81) is quite passive and doesn't like taking advice from me. They have no assistance and I'm keen to get my mum to a day centre where she will get stimulation. She is much brighter when she has spent time with others
My dad does ring the doctor but other than that there is no one keeping a regular eye out for them.
Dad is quite capable practically but is slow to deal with issues as they arise.
I live four hours away so can't get to see them very frequently (I have two young children)

I'm worried that she will deteriorate faster without the day care to stimulate her.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel quite helpless.

Thank you

She really needs to have an assessment of her care needs, this can be done by her local,social services. Was she put in touch with a local alzheimers club and allocated a community nurse. Do you think she is able to make decisions now about her safety and care or does someone have power of attorney for her.

What part if the country do they live in

They live in the West Midlands. Solihull. I have spoken to the Alzheimer's club but it's difficult to get my dad to take my mum there for a trial. I don't know why he is so reluctant. They don't seem to understand that the club is a kind of medicine and will stimulate mum.

No nurse that I'm aware of but they have seen an occupational therapist and a physio. My mum just doesn't do the exercises prescribed for her hip. My dad isn't good at making sure she does them.

They used to lead very independent lives and I think my dad is finding hard being a carer. It's not that natural to him. Also they are not particularly "close".

My brother has power of attorney for my mum but I don't. He is willing to use it but I don't want to upset my dad.

Basically it seems like it's the two of them and the doctor when they're called. I'm worried if something happens to my dad there will be nobody there to help either of them.

Dad is as fit as a fiddle so I'm not overly concerned but he seems unable to proactively sort stuff out. Also once you go over 80 anything could happen.

I basically frog marched my dad to buy a wheelchair.

Mum is also becoming incontinent and has just recently started to have trouble eating. It's like her tongue has got too big for her mouth. I asked my dad today if he's spoken to the doctor about it and he hadn't.

Unfortunately the situation is causing strain for all of us and my dads attitude has caused a few arguments.

Thank you both for responding

If mum is getting worse, she is now incontinent and has trouble swallowing, she realy needs to have a assessment from her g.p and a referral to the district nurses and speech therapist. She may not be able to do the exercises or mental health, if dad won't act then it may come to the stage when your brother has to insist and take over her care needs decisions, the g.p or social services can also carry out a capacity assessment to see how much she understands about her care.

www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

Thank you @KittenCatcher. I think I will speak to my brother.
My mum just wouldn't be thinking about her care I don't think. I think she's happy in her world.
It's likely that in six months she won't be able to dress herself seeing as there has been noticeable deterioration in the last three months.