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Elderly parents

Advice needed; do I visit CEV parent?

15 replies

BackBackBack · 29/12/2021 18:51

Really torn as to what to do. Omicron is rampant where I am but I'm due to go and provide respite care for my CEV DM tomorrow. DH and I have been careful - both boosted, both of us have carried on wearing masks throughout and the only places we've been for the last year are DIY stores and the supermarket.

But I'm worried about being asymptomatic and passing it on to DM - who would be unlikely to survive if she caught it. All of my LFTs are coming up negative but then I'm panicking reading about tests being unreliable or giving a delayed positive.

I really don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 29/12/2021 18:52

You sound like you have been one of the most careful people in the country tbh. If you feel 100% well and test negative tomorrow I would go.

Scarby9 · 29/12/2021 18:54

When you say 'respite care', does she have other care currently? Are you likely to be more of a risk to her than whoever her current carers are?
If not, then I would go.

PotteringAlong · 29/12/2021 18:57

What’s worse? Risking it with your mum or your dad getting no respite?

And, I imagine if she’s needing respite care then she has life limiting illnesses apart from Covid. Would you rather spend the time with her or not?

I would go. If you don’t think you’re safe now you’re saying you won’t see her for months.

bloodywhitecat · 29/12/2021 18:59

As someone with a CEV husband who needs 24/7 care I am desperate for respite and am happy to have help from family who I know are taking every precaution they can because I get to the point where I am on my knees. Who looks after DM usually?

BackBackBack · 29/12/2021 19:03

My DF but he's in his 80s. She also has a care package but the agency is so short staffed that visits are fleeting and sometimes they don't show at all.

I'm leaning on the side of going because I know my DF needs the break. I'm also conscious that she could go at any time so I should take every opportunity to see her (they live a long distance away) but worried I will pass something on to her as I'd never forgive myself.

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Scarby9 · 29/12/2021 19:17

I have just come back from a week with my parents where my dad is also my mum's carer but where he is the CEV one.
I am as careful as I can be in everyday life, and LFT tested but not going would have been so unfair. It made such a difference to both of them, especially my dad, whose hunched shoulders visibly relax the longer I am thee and taking al the responsibility from him.
I would go.

FinallyHere · 29/12/2021 19:30

worried I will pass something on to her as I'd never forgive myself.

If you were in her position, what would you do? Ask DD to stay away of the off chance or look forward to seeing you ?

So long as you test negative, I'd go. xx

Driposaurus · 29/12/2021 19:34

You will be a lot less risky than the carers she’s got. Go.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 29/12/2021 19:37

You’re being so careful.
Her every day carers are bound to have more contact with people than you have.

One last LFT before you go and then go knowing that you’ve taken every precaution.
I’m sure your DF will thank you for it and the time spent with your DM will be precious.

MoreHairyThanScary · 29/12/2021 20:01

Agree with other posters your mums carers ( who likely have kids in schools and families that they see) will be a far higher risk to her. Go !

BillyBarryBoo · 29/12/2021 20:05

But you don't have anything to pass on to her? You have received a series of negative tests?

BackBackBack · 29/12/2021 20:24

@Scarby9

I have just come back from a week with my parents where my dad is also my mum's carer but where he is the CEV one. I am as careful as I can be in everyday life, and LFT tested but not going would have been so unfair. It made such a difference to both of them, especially my dad, whose hunched shoulders visibly relax the longer I am thee and taking al the responsibility from him. I would go.
This really resonated. I know my DF would be disappointed if I didn't go as he needs the break.

Thank you everyone for your advice. Bloody covid, so tired of worrying about it all the time. I'll test again tomorrow to check and then go assuming the all clear.

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Scarby9 · 29/12/2021 23:45

@BackBackBack I hope it all goes well.
Most of the time we all just muddle through, and we never know if we did the 'right thing' until afterwards. Most of the time, I suspect there is no right thing, actually, just another unclear choice.
They will be pleased to see you. That matters.

BackBackBack · 30/12/2021 08:52

Thank you @Scarby9 and thank you also to everyone who took the time to reply to me. I'm feeling a lot more pragmatic this morning! I'm not usually a panicker but I think everything had just overwhelmed me last night.

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gogohm · 30/12/2021 08:55

Try and enjoy your time with your mum. Quality of life is important not just extra days

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