My dad - dementia or something else?

[SILsdinner]

My dad is 75 and I am worried he has dementia or something similar.

He has had issues with his memory for the past couple of years - misplacing things, forgetting stuff we have told him but nothing major. We have been pushing the GP for help but it has been a long, slow process.

He came to stay with me over Christmas and it has become apparent that his memory loss has become much, much worse.
Then he woke up this morning and was completely confused - he had no idea who my husband or my children were. He was quite distressed and so I took him back to his house. He was adamant that I was playing a trick on him (he has a photo of my wedding on his wall but that wasn't sufficient to persuade him, he was very paranoid). In the end we just had some tea and some lunch, watched some TV and he calmed down. He seemed ok so I came home.
My sister has gone over there this evening and he hasn't said a word to her about it. He had forgotten that I had driven him home and stayed with him though but otherwise he was ok and not upset.

I am now worried that this episode was something else. A stroke perhaps? No other signs from what I could tell. Should I have called 111?

To add: he is a drinker, daily about 4/5 pints, often more. He only had 2 pints and a glass of wine on Christmas Day though.

Also - our relationship isn't ideal. My parents split up (mainly down to his drinking) when I was small. I see him every other week, sometimes more. I am his attorney under an LPA because he kept losing his bank cards and wanted me to keep an eye on his account for him.
He doesn't see my DH much because my DH can't stand him. He sees my DC probably once a month, my dad isn't interested in my DC. He sees my sister the same amount as I see him.

Has the Dr done blood tests? There are some, easily treatable, underlying health problems that can cause symptoms of dementia. B12 or vitamin D deficiencies for example or even a UTI. He doesn’t need to be suffering obvious symptoms to have a UTI.

That said, he’s drinking 56-70 units or more of alcohol each week.

DF drinks a similar amount but is slightly younger. His dementia has got markedly worse in the last several months.

maybe you could arrange a joint telephone consultation with your father & GP to discuss ruling out simple causes and for a referral to the memory clinic, although they instantly discharged my DF saying they won’t get involved with people who drink!

It might be worth discussing putting POA in place for health and finances before his memory really declines.

Thanks @BeLessMe

Yes, bloods were done last week (this is a story in itself, which I won't bore you with, but they were supposedly done in September) and we have a telephone appointment for 11th Jan. He did give a urine sample last week too.

Interesting what you say about the drinking - I imagine we will be fobbed off too. However, he didn't drink for 6 weeks during the first lock down - according to him only problem drinkers drink at home but having a skinful in the pub is sociable and he has massively gone downhill since before then.
His diet is rubbish and so I imagine he is deficient in all sorts.

We have LPAs in place but yes, I would recommend them to everyone.

Of course it could be something else, but it certainly could be dementia. My FiL is the same age and has followed a similar trajectory (minus the heavy drinking). A year or so of increasing cognitive problems (not exactly memory loss, though that's been part of it - more hesitancy, loss of confidence, anxiety, finding it hard to understand things). He got a dementia diagnosis a few months ago, and things have progressed very rapidly in the last month or two (a house move seems to have accelerated the decline) - he now has periods where he doesn't know where he is or who his wife is, and has become very paranoid, particularly about money. It's so sad, and distressing for everyone involved. I second what @BeLessMe said about trying to speak to the GP and get a referral. In our case, DFiL paid for a private assessment in the end, because the GP wasn't doing anything (I'm sure Covid waiting times were a factor), although they seem to have swung into gear a bit more now that he's deteriorated further.

I'm so sorry, it must be particularly hard when family relationships aren't easy. At least you've got PoA in place, which has to be a massive benefit. Does your sister share it with you?

@hohohohoh
Thank you for your reply, my dad sounds very similar. He is paranoid about money and I think he goes into his bank almost daily - they certainly know him in there! He has zero confidence and won't even use the sky box on his tv anymore, everything flummoxes him. Boxing Day was the first time he was unable to work out who was who in our family.

A private assessment might be the way to go as his GP has been astonishingly bad so far.

Yes, my sister is on board but she lives further away so the day to day falls to me. It is hard because I do feel resentment but also bad for feeling that way because he is my dad.

There is a form of dementia related to alcohol abuse. It is caused by thiamine deficiency.

www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/types-dementia/wernicke-korsakoff-syndrome