Residential care - how to chose and why don't they put their bloody prices on the website

[KatyMac]

Please email us for our prices - no I dobt want to email 25 of you and wade through answers I want 5 or 6 to visit/talk to

Care commission reports are fine but I ran a nursery and know how biased reports can be

Aaarrrggghhh!

And dementia care? My uncle is fully mobile, energetically so - he walks for miles

But is starting to become a risk to himself and others

Locking him up seems wrong but I cant travel 2 hrs each way to plug his mobile in or sort out replacement bank cards

He is so depressed

I would recommend contacting Age UK for help in completing the application for carer’s allowance.
They are really good at using the right phrases in the replies to the questions and pointing out areas of need you might otherwise have forgotten.
This applies even if you feel very confident in your ability to complete government forms….

It doesn't sound like he has high nursing needs so that will be a non-starter I think. There are quite a few extra care sheltered private places in the Bexley Borough next door but I'd start by requesting that Bromley Social Services carry out a needs assessment. They may be able to put more services in and technology such as GPS trackers, just checking service sensors etc that might enable him to live at home for a little longer and more safely.
I'd also look into live-in carers too the price might be comparable to a care home but at least he'd get to stay at home in a familiar environment for longer and get to know his carers.
If that doesn't work or is not practicable, then I'd look at a home closer to you/your cousin. At least then you are not travelling too far to visit.

I think some posters are confusing carers allowance with Attendance Allowance.

Yes attendance allowance is what we will apply for

Carers isn't appropriate I think - no-one lives with him

Carer’s allowance is for someone who spends at least 35hours a week caring for someone on an unpaid basis (no requirement to live in). It’s a pittance.

It’s classed as a benefit I think - in any case, it can’t be claimed at the same time as state pension, you have to choose one or the other.

Yes, definitely get help completing AA application. It’s not just the jargon but also that it’s so hard to realise all the help required and all the adjustments already made, eg sliding a bowl of cereal along the work surface rather than just carrying it, or that everything’s been moved from high cupboards into lower cupboards, or from low cupboards into higher ones.and remember “a need that is met is still a need”

Yes and his needs are complicated - an example of this is the small pile of electronics in the corner of his bedroom - laptops, mobiles and other devises that all 'don't work' or arr 'broken' or are a 'unless bit of kit that doesn't do what it was advertised ro do'

& when he booked his birthday party over covid the hotel had daily phone calls from him over 9 months (sometimes 3 or 4 times a day) to rearrange it

Ive had dealings with quite a few homes over the years.

I judge nursing homes by their smell and the friendliness of the staff
Ideally they should never know when you are going to visit (I realise that is difficult at the moment)
If your uncle complains about mistreatment, take it seriously

The one I found for respite was lovely

But they don't take residents with dementia

Thanks for everyone's help I am quite overwhelmed

& I have just been given a bollocking for not having him over for Christmas

He hasn't been to us for 30 odd years (when my nana last did Christmas!) and we don't really celebrate Christmas on 25th

So I feel a bit shit

Have you been looking for homes in Bromley

I think he would be better between my cousin and i

Maybe colchester way?

Would he be better staying in an area where he has a local connection, does he have any connection or friends in Colchester. It might be easier to rent a extra care home if he is already a resident in the area.

Have you tried organisations like Country Cousins? However he sounds as if he would be at the top of their scale.

SS statement "don't put him in too early because he may run out of money before we're prepared to pay" sounds bizarre, though I know county councils are struggling.

He cant stay in London and get family support

His girlfriend has found herself a place in a residential home in the south and he won't go with her & his church is closing after Easter

I'll Google country cousins

I guess if he isn't eligible for care yet he will be fairly soon

They are worried he will use all his savings before he meets their threshold

Sorry if you’ve already answered this but where are social services in this situation? Has he had a needs assessment? Has he been seen by a social worker?
It’s all very well them saying he can’t go into full time care too soon as he will use up his money, but if he’s not safe now then what do they propose in the interim?
I suspect that (as is often the case) no one realises quite how bad things are. It really does help to write everything down, everything you do, or someone else does to enable him to live safely. It’ll be a lot. You can use this as the basis of another discussion with social services. Whatever threshold they have, if someone is unsafe to live alone that is below the threshold. It’s up to you to present an accurate case.
The council should also have lists of dementia (EMI) care homes, along with the prices plus top up fees.

If he has his meds administered by a nurse (so not in charge of them himself) he can qualify for FNC. But this goes directly to the home, unlike carers allowance which goes to him. There is a sliding scale of care costs which is why care homes don't publish prices as it varies so much. But it's always expensive - thankfully I have managed to fund a large chunk of mums from benefits. Not something I knew about before but they paid tax for years so they deserve some of it back.
If he has dementia then he will get further funding. And worth looking at a DOLS assessment if police are involved.
It's tough I know. You can only do your best. Sending big hugs 🤗

SS were contacted in Sept/Oct when it became clear he was struggling (after trying to organise his 80th birthday last year postponed to this year and the hotel being bombarded with calls from hom)

We put in 2 carers (am & pm) after an assessment & a dossiset (sp?) - where the futre was discussed but that it wasnt time yet

Then about a month ago he was running out of his meds so we worked out he was over taking them - so they are now in a locked box given to him by the carers (in a dated container from the pharmacy) so it's not a "nurse"

I wonder if part of the problem is that I want to move councils/area

Re: moving areas - Maybe. It might be too much change at once - or no one feels they have responsibility.
With dementia, the only way is down unfortunately. Even managed needs can quickly change. It is really helpful to present social services with a list of everything your relative can’t do or needs help with. Everything. Look online for the questions they ask - Google how to prepare for a needs assessment. This is also your chance to have your say.
What I will also say is whilst family run around, filling in gaps and making caring arrangements no one else will. You are probably doing more than you realise already. If you don’t get the right help it will slowly take over your life.
Why don’t you pause the moving areas issue for now, and request another needs assessment from the current council. You can deal with each step as it comes.

Extra care/ supported accommodation is tricky with dementia.
If there are police safeguarding involved then I would assume that he is likely to be at risk from going out independently?

In my experience sheltered accomodation works well if people will wait for carers to do things like cooking for them, but not for people with dementia who are likely to be at risk from wandering, miss carer visits due to being out, or try and do things like cooking when unsafe to do so

I think extra care might be out then

I'll speak to ss in a couple of weeks unless something comes of the safeguarding referral

There are extra care homes for rent in Bromley with dementia care if thats something you might consider, Anchor Housing, rentals and referrals are through Bromley social services

That's fab thanks