My dad is dying

[Tyjaro75]

My dad is dying. My mum died when I was 6. Stepmom when I was 35. Don't know how I'm going to handle it. I've had numerous other family and close friends die ( including an ex boyfriend) over the years but my dad was always my rock. Had enough of death in my life. Have an amazing husband and kids but I know it's going to destroy me. Don't know what I'm asking but just asking for help.

So sorry to hear this, don't know what to say other than you're not alone.

I think this is the last Christmas I have a Mum as I'm not sure how much more she can deteriorate and still be alive.

I'm trying to make the most of what's left but it's hard isn't it.

@jennytheonionslayer

So sorry to hear this, don't know what to say other than you're not alone.

I think this is the last Christmas I have a Mum as I'm not sure how much more she can deteriorate and still be alive.

I'm trying to make the most of what's left but it's hard isn't it.

I'm sorry to hear that. It's so hard isn't it?

I am so sorry Op. Its just shit and I don't have any words to take that away. My mum died exactly a year ago today so it's pretty bloody raw but you do get through it. Not over it, but through - one step at a time, one day, one hour.

Tell him you love him if you can. He knows though.

So so sorry

He's got rapid onset vascular dementia so he had no idea who I am now. He thinks I'm his sister. Its just so hard.

It's awful. I do understand because my dad was my rock too, and such a lovely, lovely man. It sounds like you've had a really tough time. But it's a tribute to him that you feel as sad as you do. Pour your time into him and enjoy being around him and holding him and being held. And record him. I have no recordings of my dad's voice and I wish I'd done that. So easy with the phone but I always thought I'd have more time.

It will be hard but lean on your family and friends. They want to be there for you. x

I lost my dad in July. He wanted to die at home and the whole experience was so traumatic due to a lack of support that I haven’t even begun to grieve yet.

I was/am daddy’s girl. I lost my mum almost 17 years ago but losing him felt so very different. Be with him, hold his hand, ask all the questions you need answers to.

Find out his funeral wishes, I’d had the conversation with mine a few years ago.

When he came home we had been told he probably had 6-7 months, we had 6 weeks, I learned so much about him, including that he had a needle phobia, he was stubborn, difficult to physically care for, but I felt his love for me so clearly. He trusted me and my DH implicitly, despite there being a carer living in, it was us he would call out for. I slept in his room for almost 2 weeks. As harrowing as it was at times, I wouldn’t give that time back for anything.

Be kind to yourself, he is the first man you ever loved, the one you set standards by, he shaped you but he wouldn’t want you to punish yourself or to fall apart.

Is he in hospital or at home? Can you sit with him? The day my dad died, he had been washed and changed and I sat quietly holding his hand with his favourite music playing, I took a photo of my hand in his.

I’ve rambled on a bit here, but if you need anyone to talk to, my inbox is always open to you.

My mum has dementia. She sometimes mistakes who I am and it's devastating. The first time it happened I cried. But from his point of view he knows you are someone he loves and that your presence comforts him, and that's the most important thing. That he knows he loves you even though he can't remember your correct place in the family. Now you have to pay him back for all the love he's shown you and be his rock in what must be a very uncertain and confusing world.

I'm so sorry OP, it feels unbearable watching someone you love slip away. I remember my nana getting very confused on morphine at the end of her life and it was hard to be with her when she was hallucinating.

I lost my wonderful mum in October, it is very hard. A few things helped me, being at the hospital but not being there round the clock at the end- it is shattering doing bedside vigil. Persuade someone else go go and sit with him, maybe your husband if there are no other relatives and if hospital permits a different visitor - when someone is dying the covid rules on visits are sometimes relaxed.

Also persuade yourself to eat and drink properly, you won't feel like it, but try. And ask at the hospital for a decent chair to sit in, you can sleep at the hospital if you feel you need to. The emotional exhaustion is compounded by real physic exhaustion from not sleeping and trying to cram hours and hours of hospital visits into an already busy week.

Don't feel constrained by traditional rules. Seeing my mum's body didnt help me at all, I knew it wouldn't. What helped me was walking down by the river, watching birds take flight, feeling sunlight on my skin, seeing the autumn leaves whirling to the ground. If my mum's soul went anywhere, it soared away into the huge expanse of nature.

I'm so sorry. I lost my dad 9 years ago and I fell apart. I remember the night he died my husband and I walked up to the shop to get a newspaper and thinking to myself how can I be in so much pain but still put one foot in front of the other.

The best advice I can give is to say spend as much time showing your dad you love him as you possibly can and lean on your family and friends for support. Let people help with the children or whatever you need. What matters now is you and your dad.