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Elderly parents
Original poster

If you're clearing your parents houses before they die

20 replies

balzamico · 10/12/2021 20:26

I don't wish to upset anyone but I really wish we'd kept a suit for my dad to wear now he's passed away. We cleared the house several months ago as it had to be sold to pay for care home fees and didn't foresee any use for his smart clothes. Now he needs a suit, we've bought one but it won't be "his" in the same way 😢

OP posts:
PanicBuyingSprouts · 10/12/2021 20:38

Oh I'm so sorry @balzamico, I'm sure he'll still look like your DF abs would appreciate the effort you've put in Thanks

SGChome20 · 10/12/2021 20:40

This is something I would never have thought of but now I will. I hope that brings you some comfort. Sorry for your loss Flowers

RedFlagsAllOver · 18/12/2021 14:55

My dad passed away wearing a nappy and a shirt. So it could be worse op and as he's not having a burial that image will stay with me forever

gogohm · 18/12/2021 14:57

I know it's tough, but please remember it's the love during their lives that matters not clothing. If choosing natural fabrics are better for the environment whether burial or cremation

GreenClock · 24/12/2021 16:33

My dad was a very keen runner before he developed health problems in his eighties. We asked for him to be dressed in the stuff he wore for this first marathon.

But really, it doesn’t matter. Your dad knew you cared about him in life. That’s what’s important OP.

Nitgel · 24/12/2021 16:37

We did similar for mil. The funeral home had a dress that we used, but I felt bad that we didn't even consider this when clearing her house. You just don't think. :(

nildesparandum · 25/12/2021 21:44

I don't want to appear morbid but thank you or this thread. I am now thinking of clearing my house inprepation or when my turn comes to leave the mortal coil.
I am of an age to think about it seriously want to save my family as much trouble as possible
On the subject of clothes, when my DH died we sent his usual everyday clothes to the undertakers and let them dress him as I could not bare to do it.
I am going to get some clothes ready to put away!

user1471538283 · 27/05/2022 22:51

We cleared my DGMs home whilst she was alive and kept the new stuff. But as she was being cremated she could wear any of it anyway. Instead she had the most regal long tunic provided for her.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 27/05/2022 22:56

Sorry to hear that OP. it’s hard to plan ahead and think of these things isn’t it. Either that or you do think of it and it still doesn’t work out. We kept some of FIL’s clothes but by the time he passed away he weighed 7 stone (5 stone lighter than his previous weight) and nothing was suitable which was equally sad to think of.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 28/05/2022 13:45

I'm sorry you have that regret but I think no matter what there is always something we wish we could have done differently and if he knew you loved him, cared for him, spent time with him there is no need for regret. I don't know what my dad wore in his coffin - so far as we were concerned he was gone and had no need of clothes but different things comfort different people. Try not to think about it as "that wasn't his suit" but rather "He was so special he deserved a new one". I'm sorry for your loss.

MysterOfwomanY · 28/05/2022 17:39

An old thread but a good point! We couldn't dress Dad in his special clothes as he died during lockdown, but Mum died earlier and if we'd buried her in the suit of clothes she'd had tailormade for her on a holiday of a lifetime we'd not now be wondering what to do with it!

nokitchen · 28/05/2022 18:44

I would assume my mother was cremated in the nightdress she died in. The funeral home didn't ever ask me and it didn't occur to me to provide clothes. She died at home with family with her so it wasn't a hospital gown. I was contacted to ask what to do with her wedding ring, but I asked for this to be cremated with her. During the last year of her life her Alzheimer's had worsened and she constantly played with her ring and panicked when she couldn't find it, so it seemed right for it to go with her.

ParkheadParadise · 28/05/2022 18:51

My dd was buried in her jammies, fluffy dressing gown and slippers holding her Celtic scarf.
I remember standing outside the chapel when she arrived and the funeral director whispered in my ear
Dd is all cosy and warm in her jammies and sleeping in eternal peace

kitcat15 · 28/05/2022 19:08

My mum has told me she wants direct cremation…no service …no nothing…so won’t need to hang onto any of her Sunday best….mind you last time I saw my mum in a dress was 2006

nokitchen · 28/05/2022 19:17

@ParkheadParadise Flowers.

SparkyBlue · 28/05/2022 19:22

@ParkheadParadise those kind words must have been comforting at such an awful time. You poor thing

missmoffatt2705 · 29/05/2022 22:59

We were asked by the funeral director what we wanted my mum to wear. We decided a shroud would be fine but alternatives such as nightclothes or favourite outfit were suggested. As it was the first time of arranging a funeral I wasn't prepared for this question.

saraclara · 29/05/2022 23:04

It's odd. The funeral director asked if we'd like to give them particular clothes for my late husband to be dressed in. But I have no recollection at all of the outfit we took in. It certainly wasn't a suit, but I couldn't tell you any more than that.

xorymum · 29/05/2022 23:07

I got asked this for my DD's.

I washed their (new) baby grows in baby Fairy and dressed them in that Star

mumda · 29/05/2022 23:27

In the months before he died my dad started wearing his best shirts.
May as well now, he'd say.

I'm sorry for your loss.

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