Is this kind of ‘carer’ arrangement feasible?

[partystress]

My 86 yo DF manages reasonably well, but twice recently has had toilet accidents and been unable to get himself or the bathroom properly clean without help. I live 60 miles away, work FT, and don’t have the kind of relationship where I want to be providing intimate personal care other than in an emergency.

He has my ex SIL shop for him once a week and is increasingly asking her to do other errands. He has a not particularly good and rather unreliable cleaner. I visit about monthly and the fridge is often full of way out of date food, and the cooker filthy.

He is lonely, hard of hearing and pretty racist.

I read on here about getting carers in too soon, but think the ideal arrangement would be someone coming in 3 or 4 times a week who could help him shower or sponge wash on a couple of those visits, but otherwise be flexible - eg have a bit of a clean round, cook a quick lunch, change his bed, pop to the shops if he forgot to ask SIL to get something.

I’m thinking that he then has something in place as and when he maybe needs more of the personal care.

I’m feeling like this might not be an arrangement that an agency would provide? But might they? And if not, where could I look? Or should I be thinking differently? I am working on getting him to move to a flat with on site manager, but that’s far from his mind atm.

He is finally open to some regular help of some sort, so I don’t want to miss this chance to get something in place.

I'm a carer who cares for a lady in her home and do all those things. I am employed by her parents but she has an allowance for carers through the local authority which is how I get paid

Your local adult social care will have information on what is available locally. In normal times agencies will provide what you pay for but lack of carers may make this harder.

This is the sort of care that we arranged for my late mother when she was still living at home. Just google care agencies in the area your Dad lives in and discuss your requirements. Don't expect to have just one carer though, my Mum had several different ones, and she was given the rota the previous week. Some were better than others,and she had her favourites, any issues were sorted by the agency. It did cost ££ though.

Thank you all. Good to know it’s in the realms of normal.

@HerbErtlinger, it sounds like you are the same person every day for your lady. Are you self employed? Where would I find someone like you and, if you don’t mind answering this one, how much do you charge? Thank you.

Carers or home helps like that definitely do exist. Are you paying your ex SIL for her time? It sounds like you should.

Visiting once a month isn't enough. I guess you already know that?

same person every day

I understand the attraction of having the same person everyday. My recommendation would be to get DF used to a very small team of two or three caters.

With a small team you have cover for illness and holidays etc. if your DF gets used to just one person, it means you have a situation any time that person is not available.

@FinallyHere

same person every day

I understand the attraction of having the same person everyday. My recommendation would be to get DF used to a very small team of two or three caters.

With a small team you have cover for illness and holidays etc. if your DF gets used to just one person, it means you have a situation any time that person is not available.

Same, some people can also become quite dependent when it's just one person and refuse help from others when they have to cover.

Being in the same situation, I agree wirh the need for a small team of 2 or 3, to cover holidays, illness, self isolation etc.

There will be private carers, who often provide a more bespoke service, in the area your Dad lives but as PP said it can cause issues when they are sick or on holiday.
Your Dad will be entitled to a care act assessment from Adult social care but you can arrange your own care from a care agency or private carer.

Having known several carers, they tend to have a mad rush around first thing in the morning getting clients out of bed and breakfasted, then a load of dead time until evening when they need evening meals and helping to bed so a scenario like yours that could take place outside of the most busy times would, I imagine, be quite easy to arrange with a care agency.

@partystress

Thank you all. Good to know it’s in the realms of normal.

@HerbErtlinger, it sounds like you are the same person every day for your lady. Are you self employed? Where would I find someone like you and, if you don’t mind answering this one, how much do you charge? Thank you.

The lady I care for requires 24 hour support so she has a few of us who work on a rota basis but she's lucky she has a small, consistent team. The local authority made an assessment based on her needs and then offered her family a care package which they pay us from. I earn £12.50 an hour but I suspect her family supplement our hourly rate in order to maintain the team. Generally the positions are advertised via Indeed or similar.

Thank you. Very good point about having him used to some changing faces and yes, his ideal timing would probably be about 2 or 3pm, so maybe more capacity then.

As for the comment about once a month not being enough, you know nothing about my other responsibilities, or family history or dynamics, so I’m not sure what contribution you hoped to make.

We had good service from the local https://www.homeinstead.co.uk agency in the area and then when we needed overnight care from country cousins

@FinallyHere - there is a branch of HomeInstead near him. Just spoken to them and they sound perfect and have some capacity! Thank you so much.

Yes, I was just thinking of Home Instead too. They are very good. We got that for Mum, she had four people who came once each per week. One did a house clean and had lunch and a chat to Mum , one gave her help with a shower and changed her bed linen, one helped her with a shopping list and then went out and bought the groceries, and one was purely social, took her for a little drive and they'd stop for ice cream and a chat. She got used to them and it kept her ticking over for several years.

Good luck !

@CorrBlimeyGG

Carers or home helps like that definitely do exist. Are you paying your ex SIL for her time? It sounds like you should.

Visiting once a month isn't enough. I guess you already know that?

If the OP can only visit once a month then it will have to be enough.

How often on here are people stretched in multiple directions, at the end of their tether and then told to back off and make time for themselves.

This is exactly the sort of care my mother started with, a couple of times a week. As her needs have increased so has the care. But getting my mother used to people coming in was important and getting a relationship with an agency was vital when we urgently needed to institute morning and evening calls following a fall.

Good luck OP.

@partystress hope it goes well for you,too.

Another shout out for Home Instead. My parent gets the same carer, who she really likes, 90% of the time. When a new person is introduced they come with someone she already knows before they come alone. They say they will do anything except climb ladders or work at height. The price is painful though - it recently went up from £26 to £29 an hour.