Mum wants to move to a care home but money will run out and not sure she even needs it

[Tista]

My mother is 78, has extremely bad arthritis (waiting for hip replacement), frail, anxiety and is a bit muddled but not dementia.

She's become very isolated very quickly (lives alone, miles from anywhere in crap sheltered housing) and wants to move to a care home. When she sells her house, her money would run out in less than 2 years. Does anyone else have experience of someone with quite low care needs actively wanting to go into a care home and also what happens if social services think she can live alone) when the funds run out?

She's 2 hours from me, I do the practical stuff (online shop, car, house stuff) - I work, have young family, and we arent close anyway. She's very cranky now to the point I dread the (5) calls I get a day and tears/ anxiety/ "do this now" ness. I've got her to the doctors (no help and she wont take the meds), care assessment (refused), offered to pay for carer/ home help person (refused x million). She's also got a history of moving every few years. I suppose this would put a stop to that as she cant do it alone and there would be no more £££££!! She's very antisocial though so can almost see another problem of "I hate it here"!

Any help sooo welcome.

My friend didn't listen to her mum when she asked to go to a home. She died alone at home & wasn't found for a while. This haunts me, as I should have said more, I think.

I've got mild arthritis & it's miserable. Let her move & have some company & help.

We've got various friends, whose parents have just had enough & gone into care. More common than we would have thought. Always assumed people did it as a last resort.

Once the cash is gone, the local authority picks up the tab. Get some advice on that from Age UK?

Unfortunately you cannot arrange a social services assessment without her permission and she has already refused one, you cannot tell them she ,lacks capacity unless a health lrofessional has stated that and if she doesnt have capacity you can no longer apply for poa, it would be deputyship.

If ahe does decide to move to a carehome and pays herself she will have a financial assessment and be asked to sign a contract. They will need to know that she will pay.

I work for social services and when someone has self-funded in a care home and the money runs down to the threshold we have to do a self-funding pick up. This means we assess their needs and if eligible to be in the care home we will pick up the funding - at best value though so we may want the person to move.

If they are not eligible as their needs are not high enough, we would not fund and they would have to move elsewhere. This does happen more often than you'd think.

It would be advisable for her to look at extra care places where there is care on site and social things to do rather than a full on care home.

@myamie that scenario does not happen very often in my LA. Yes people have to move to a different cheaper care home but if someone has sold their home and has no home to go to, it’s quite hard to say they have to leave a care home setting!

Also sadly after a couple of years chances are someone will develop a dependence on a care home even if they didn’t have one when they went in!

So wish I’d asked here earlier! You re all amazing. I’ll speak to social services and age Uk/ did ask them re funding after 2 years. I’ve been to see an extra care flat for rental- in a town near here is the right economic thing just not sure it ll help re loneliness and how disabled she’s become. I didn’t know that sort of thing existed- 24 hour careers on site, lunch / coffee morning most days. Thanks again

@FinallyHere

Plenty of card homes accept LA funded people. If you can find a lovely care home (your nose will tell you) that will allow her to pay initially and does not charge a top up once her money runs out, why wouldn't you encourage her to go for that?

The staff will absolutely be used to dealing with the elderly anxious. It would also take quite a load off your shoulders.

The LA won’t fund a care home if they don’t think one is needed

…. But I see user has answered that one!

@ItsDinah very good points - yes she wont do a thing if I dont do it so it all falls on to me (stick to beat me with !) And want to avoid doing it all again in two years if funding runs out. She's been so batty its been difficult to get her to talk to anyone - social services rang to arrange a care assessment so she told them she didnt want anyone coming in, just "looking afte" and people around in a care home. They must see that a lot.

Just for others in similar boat with arthritis and low mood. I took her to doctors to get them to recognise how frail she had become / immobile, and also to get them to check other things/ health check. The doctor said "the NHS is awful, if I were you I would find £15k and get a hip replacement privately as you wont get better until it is done and it will be months now. No wonder you feel bad you are in pain,. Have some anti anxiety meds. Next..." (Our doctor in a different part of the country is brilliant so think we just got unlucky with their very overwhelmed practice)..
What a battle. I wonder if there are some blogs or easy to understand guides written by our generation for others so they dont have to wade through so much stuff...

The private hip operation, if she is willing, would be a good place to start. It is hard to think straight when you are in pain.

Technically speaking no the LA would not automatically pick up funding for a care home when funds run out. They would do an assessment at the time and determine if she had needs that warrant a care home and they will not pay for a place they deem too expensive only one that is at their baseline rate.

However if she has sold her home she'll be homeless and the LA will then have a duty to house her anyway so it will be a lot of trouble for them to find her a sheltered flat and a care package and in practice they would probably just fund the care home unless it was a very very posh expensive one.

A lot will change in 2 years when you are old and frail and it's very possible she will have eligible needs by then especially as you tend to lose skills and fitness in a care place where it's all done for you. I would not worry about what happens when funds run out but more about her not actually being happy there. Make sure she visits the places and sees the reality. It's not much fun being the highest functioning person in a care home where most have dementia.

Also she sounds to me as though she might be depressed. I know it's hard to get her to go to the GP but any chance of getting her assessed?

Just saw your update and yes extra sheltered sounds great for her
Places vary in how much they have going on and how pro-active they are at inviting people etc
Is she a sociable lady who would like to make friends? You could offer to take her to the coffee morning to start with or ask the warden to support her to go/ arrange some coffee dates with other residents
You can also still go to a day centre if you are in extra sheltered if those are still running with Covid. Maybe she would consider that too?

Would she be expecting you to pay once her money runs out OP?

Looks like these are her options :

1. Pursue carehome route
2. Pursue private extra help shelter rental AND do private hip replacement

3 Pursue private extra help shelter rental and battle on with pain until NHS can offer operation If she used her money for the new hip, would the NHS offer respite care visits while she recovered? That’s the bit that I would explore.