Mental health or dementia?

[BowtieBling]

I've re written this so many times.
It's hard to explain what's going on and what my concerns are while keeping anonymity.

The basic facts are that DM has been under care of mental health team for a couple of years now. Her partner is pushing for a diagnosis of dementia.
Obviously he is with her 24/7 and therefore experiences a different version of her than my siblings and I do.

While we see that she is clearly unwell and struggling we worry that her poor mental health is the problem. Depression, anxiety and PTSD.
She has been given medication in the past that has helped alleviate.

Her partner is dismissive of the professional opinion that mental health is the problem. Researches dementia and doesn't accept how much her past has contributed to her poor mental state of mind.
We feel that their relationship plays a big part in her state. Partner is the one who decides everything, organises everything to the point we are now at where she hasn't even got an opinion on anything.

Are my siblings and I being blind to the potential of dementia?
I feel that she is only going to get worse from this point and I'm concerned that her mental health is not being addressed by her partner and will continue to get worse.

How long has her partner been with her? Some people push for a dementia diagnosis after secretly getting LPoA so that they can start to spend the money without the person's children knowing a thing. Radio four had a heartbreaking segment on this recently.

Make your concerns, whatever they are, known to the Older Adult Mental Health Team. Get it all put in writing that there is a difference of opinion as to the nature of your mum's difficulties and you do no believe her problems are caused by dementia. Ask that you have a meeting to discuss the care plan and hold the partner to account. If the partner isn't following the care plan then you could go down the safeguarding route if the team agree he is not acting in your mum's best interests. This is assuming she does not have the capacity to decide who is caring for her best due to her MH problems.

Does this make sense?

How old is she?

Her partner may succeed in convincing someone to get her assessed for dementia but if she doesn’t have dementia he’s unlikely to get a diagnosis.

Has he always been controlling? Was there a time when the relationship was more equal?

Is it not possible she has both? Maybe there are symptoms you do not see - forgetfulness, difficult and inappropriate behaviour, poor executive function. How long has she been with her partner? Does she have a power of attorney in place?

Her DP sounds controlling and manipulative. I would be very concerned about him getting LPA.

Surely her MH HCPs would know if she was showing signs of dementia?

My parent developed MH problems (anxiety) as a result of dementia, but the dementia came first. And it was fairly clear which was which.

The advice above wrt the Adult Social Care team is good.

AgeUK have good advice, too.

Was 🇨🇮🎉🎄🎄

Sorry about random characters at the end of that post.

I'll look at Age UK advice, thank you.
Brother has been speaking with her mental health team as a concerned family member. I'm not sure if anything is noted in writing or if it needs to be.

Of course it is possible she has both and there can be functional as opposed to structural difficulties going on, which can be hard to differentiate. One of the many assessments the OA team will have done is to assess for this. With your mum's permission you and your brother can describe your concerns. If you have suspicions, you can also make it known to the local registration office that your mother cannot consent to marriage at this time.

What is the benefit to him do you think of a dementia diagnosis? Does he say what he thinks this will achieve? Of course it could be totally innocent!

Predatory marriage is on the up though. Google it and the Alzheimer's society financial abuse policy.