I could write a novel on the background, but in short, classic stately homes toxicity, with golden balls DB, deceased Narc DM & I don't know what with DF, but never "normal"
He's 85, ex military, very mentally sound, though I have found myself wondering in more recent if he could have ASD as I've noticed he kicks off when overwhelmed ... good example of this is my last pre covid visit... I was chatting to a cousin online, DF commented she was his favourite niece. Turns out she has the day off & decides to visit me & DF... I thought DF would be pleased... nope instead I got raging angry & he kicks me out, meaning I have to travel home at a bad time as no hotel has a room & have the embarrassment of cancelling cousins day trip... something he gloated about
I live at the other side of the country with DH & DD
He & the rest of them love to bitch & put people down, all about outdoing other family etc, something I personally hate. He can be & always was abusive & still enjoys putting me or DB down to bitch to the other about... eg: DB visits him, DF wants to bitch about DBs appearance, weight gain, now long hair etc. no love lost between toxic DB & I but I hate this sort of shit DB & I NC for good reason, but I refuse to do this as it's not who I am & anything I say will be used to shit stir anyway.... this lead to him asking for a photo of my own lockdown hair... natural for the first time in decades ... response to photo was "you look very ugly, your hair is especially ugly" ... cheers dad, it's probably the closest it's ever been you your hair actually 
He can be lovely at times, he can be interesting to chat to & generousthough that always comes with conditions but is often just plain nasty & volatile ... which doesn't make travelling to visit him easy, especially when I'm disabled myself & he doesn't acknowledge that ... DD & My hereditary medical condition is "lazyitis" apparently, despite his DGD spending a few years in a wheelchair
His latest antics on the back of a big scare in the summer have left me burnt out & I have totally had it with his misogynistic & abusive shit & I'm actually scaring myself by now fucked off I am about the following...
His DB, my uncle, took ill recently & was diagnosed with bowel cancer. DB rang me to tell me this & I tried to reassure him that it's a very treatable cancer these days & that I have 2 friends who are 35+ year survivors of it. DB liked this brother a lot & he's the only surviving sibling DF bothers with, so I new he'd be upset & I tried to be understanding of his upset & let his snippy comments go... until he asked why family die of Bowel Cancer & what was the link... I said that pernicious anaemia if under treat can lead to BC. Cue him hissing sarcastically "ooo B12 again, dr no nowt strikes again with her hippy nonsense" I just replied, you asked a question dad, to which I gave you a factual answer, look it up. More spitting childishness, so I just said "I'm going now & will speak to you when you are in a better mood" putting the phone down.
Uncle unfortunately died suddenly ... DF ignored all of my calls for weeks until last night ... this is particularly nasty as we had a big scare in the summer with him left collapsed in his own shit for over 36 hours up I got a police welfare check, he promised to sign up to all sorts of back up... then didn't & is back to "that's what I've got you for" when DB is less disabled than I am & lives over 300 miles nearer to DF
He rings out of the blue at midnight last night... he knows I go to bed earlier as we've had debates about him wanting my to ring him after 11,30 ... no reason other than it suits him, but doesn't suit me
Tells me he was upset with me for what I said... you were banging on about B12 again" his version isn't what happened so I feel gaslit, which he has form for. We discuss uncle, I apologise for not realising his cancer was terminal ... turns out it wasn't as far as anyone knew at that point ... he then starts on that Uncle was on B12 injections & it's my fault as I have most of the family on them become of my nonsense 
this is a genetic condition that comes from his side of the family & I knew this because of a cousins diagnosis leading me to get answers & help that got DD out of a wheelchair... bar one cousin who I did help, they all had diagnosis way before I did... I have mentioned it to DF many times as I'm pretty sure he has it too.
DB lives to undermine me, so denies his own diagnosis to our DF, which is part of the issue.
I was looking at trying to travel up to see him near Xmas, it would need us all travelling as I can't currently on my own, not taking DD will cause issues too, so we'd need a hotel or AirBnB or hotel, which isn't cheap there... I've lost the place I did bookmark & now nothing left that we can afford or trust... can't say I'm bother tbh, as bar seeing DF, I hate the bloody place... though DF thinks it's a holiday for us & isn't it great he lives in a great holiday destination... we do actually live in a holiday resort, but it's a shit hole here apparently🙄
My fault I don't visit though, I can hop in the train any time, despite the fact a neck & shoulder injury along with needing to use a stick/walking aid, massively impacts on how far I can go in my own, but he ignores that.
I don't even know if what I write makes sense, but I'm fucking fed up to the back teeth of the game playing, the expectation that I'm carer to him, when I'm miles away & he undermines me at every turn anyway & complete disregards & takes the pee out of a medical condition that put his DGD in a wheelchair & has disabled me & is DS too. I'm angry at his false promises of accepting help such as mediline & the expectation that despite my life being here, because I don't have a dick I'm expected to step up & care for him, when reality is, he was & is an abusive arse
But then he's 85 & I feel bad that I've had it with such a very old man whose brother has just died, 🤦♀️