Guilt over feeling irritation with DPs

[Acheyknees]

I'm lucky that both my parents who are in their 80's are still living a fairly active life eventhough their world is increasingly getting smaller. I have a large family with DH and work full time with older children in sixth form and uni.
I was brought up in a small village and left home at 18. Parents still live in the village where they have been all their life.
My problem is, that as much as I appreciate them and am grateful that they are still together and healthy, everytime I visit them I come away irritated by them.
They ask about the children but everything seems superficial, that they only show interest because their friends talk about their Grandkids. They've never babysat, never been on holiday with us, never attended any of the kids clubs to watch awards etc. I feel they don't know what interests the children or even me really.
I think why I feel irritation is because they believe they've done so much for me and my kids but in reality I feel they've never been there for me. I'm sure their friends believe we are all so close and they are the perfect grandparents.
As they get older, I'm aware they won't be around much longer so I try to visit them and take them out but I don't enjoy it. Its sad that I see it as a chore.

Have you tried to involve them over the years by inviting them to events, round for family days, or suggested going on holidays together?
How do the children feel about their grandparents?
It does sound strange that no bonding went on...what about when they were babies?

Perhaps they are more interested in their own lives.

Have you asked them to babysit, invited them on holiday or invited them to attend the awards at a club? Maybe they are waiting for you to ask, rather than inviting themselves.

Some people just aren't super interested. As long as you've been a decent person to them - and it sounds like you visit them and are on reasonable terms so you probably are! - don't worry.
I expect if you asked them about their childhood and reflect on how their own parents and GPs were it might shed a bit of light on it all.
But ultimately they're too old to change much now - don't feel guilty, just do whatever works best for you all.

I always felt like this with my grandparents.

They only really wanted to hear things they could tell people.

They never really asked about me, how I was, what I was interested in or what I cared about.

They mostly just wanted to talk about themselves. Not even just in their old age, just as long as I can remember.

Grandparent models are very different. Try to accept the one you have, rather than measure it against your perceived ideal. Take a look at AIBU which is full of people trying to get more distance from grandparents- be careful what you wish for.

So what if their questions are superficial? How often have you asked friends and relatives about things you have no interest in, because they’re interested in them, and you care for your friend or relative

No advice to offer, but my DPs are like this and it's quite grating.