Really worried about my dad.

[SteveArnottsWaistcoat]

My parents are both in their mid 70s. Dad’s had some health issues previously but nothing serious. In the last month he’s suddenly become really unwell, and it’s resulted in him losing his appetite, which for me is a big telling that there’s something really sinister going on. He and my mum are usually quite upbeat positive practical people and this has knocked them both for 6.

Jess undergone various tests which have all run clear but there are results that have come back from a CT scan that have obviously thrown something up and they have to go to the hospital next week.

I’m so worried. Obviously I know we need to wait for the results but my gut feeling isn’t good. I know no one lives forever but whatever is happening seems to have just suddenly got him.

Not even sure why I’m posting this but both my siblings died and the thought of dealing with this and my mum alone is really terrifying. I’ve always put off thinking about it until now.

I’ve just been reading threads in the Elderly Parents board. I am Ravi g some difficult times with parents ahead. It’s so hard. The advice I saw on there was to not look for problems that aren’t there yet. Wait for test results. It might be good news.

It’s difficult not to worry I know.

*facing

I'm so sorry. Do you live near to your parents? I got the advice that I would feel better if I were near,even if really there was nothing I could do.The doctor who told me this said said it sounded daft but it was true. I found she was quite right. Do you have any aunts or uncles still alive that you could talk to? The one thing I would change is that I would go to the hospital appointments with a notebook and pen. It can be difficult to take in what is said.

I'm really sorry, waiting for results is so stressful. I'm going to give you some unsolicited advice, spend as much time as you can with your parents and make every minute count. Have all the conversations you want to have, leave nothing unsaid. Don't be obvious about it, but do it.

My dad died of cancer age 74 and my grief was much harder because he wouldnt talk about the fact he would die one day, we never had any deep conversations. So I missed an opportunity to talk with him about some things I wanted to.

My mum died a month ago, in her 80s. Already I feel the grief is going to be easier to handle, as we were so close, I know her mind on every subject. It is like she is still with me.

After my dad died, it really was very hard for my mum (and me, but not the same). But she made a huge effort to rebuild her life, after a few years she relocated nearby to me and made new friends, started new hobbies. She did enjoy the last 6 years with me and her grandchildren, up until her death, despite the shared grief at losing my dad, despite her increasing frailty.

Try not to be too afraid, you can't stop what's coming. The only part of it you can control is how you respond. If it is bad news for your dad and you don't have anyone to share your anxiety with, join group counselling, find a friend in a similar situation.

Best wishes, hoping the best for your dad

I'm so sorry you're all going through a difficult time right now. I really hope all turns out ok and your dad starts to feel better soon

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. We had a similar roller coaster with my dad some years ago where it was clear there was something wrong but every test came back negative.

I just want to reiterate what others have said - spend all the time you can with your parents while they are able to enjoy your company. It won't make it any easier when you lose them but it will be one that you won't regret.

Do what you can over the next few days to distract yourself from the anxiety over the tests. If there is something nasty then you can deal with it but for now keep busy or distracted in whatever way is best for you all.

Do what you can over the next few days to distract yourself from the anxiety over the tests. And if you can find an enjoyable way to distract yourself, so much the better. It’s not disloyal in any ways to be laughing and having fun.

Thank you so much for the comments. It’s really helped and I’ve managed to switch off a bit.

My dad perked up a bit yesterday apparently and is feeling much like his normal self. My mum now thinks it could be related to his immune system playing up after his booster, but we’ll see. His appointment is today so they’ve obviously found something that needs discussion.

At least we’ll soon know one way or the other.