Paying for live in care

[Fupoffyagrasshole]

My mum is quite wealthy - plenty of money coming in from various properties and investments!!

She’s never given any of us a penny - which is fine - her choice!

She has dementia and it’s really gotten bad now

We are in process of getting power of attorney to get control of finances etc

She has access to so much money and we have no idea where it goes - could be going in the bin for all we know

Now she needs live in care - and my brother has just emailed to say he needs 500£ each a month from the siblings…

I don’t have this kind of money! The rest have agreed - I don’t know what to say!

I have a new baby, on maternity leave so not bringing in lots of money right now, we have savings - but nursery is looming and we need money for that!

She has the money to fund this herself but she won’t pay for it

What’s people’s thoughts on this!

I don’t want to fall out with my siblings - I’m hoping they understand that if I don’t have the money I dont have it ! I’ve a knot in the pit of my stomach tbh

A friend of ours had a live-in carer for his parents for several years. She was a remarkable woman who was very common-sense based, sleeves-rolled-up approach to life. She took one day off a week when an agency carer covered and as the parents became increasingly frail, she would have an agency carer to assist with bathing etc. Between the carer, the agency and the local community nurses, my friends parents were able to stay in their adapted home until they died. It was very expensive, but probably a similar cost of paying for two people in a nursing home.
It can be done, but it is expensive and you have to be fortunate to get the optimum carer and good agency back-up.

Thanks @FadedRed

That’s the thing she can afford it and i know she would prefer to be at home as long as possible - it’s just getting her to agree to part with the money!

At one point when we brought up a live in carer - she thought it was brilliant - and then it turned out she thought the carer would be paying her to rent the room 🙈😂😂

You have to laugh

You can find some very luxurious (and expensive) care homes.
One option might be to try and persuade her to go in for a few weeks respite care while you and your siblings are on holiday (you dont actually go on holiday though!).
Someone I know did this and her mother liked it so much she didn’t want to come home and stayed permanently

@lazymum99

Yes my grandmother went to a home many years ago and we played it as just a rehab place for after she had a fall - a week later she stopped mentioning going home and loved it there

@Fupoffyagrasshole

Thanks *@FadedRed*

That’s the thing she can afford it and i know she would prefer to be at home as long as possible - it’s just getting her to agree to part with the money!

At one point when we brought up a live in carer - she thought it was brilliant - and then it turned out she thought the carer would be paying her to rent the room 🙈😂😂

You have to laugh

Well, if you start managing her finances, there’s nothing to stop you saying the carer is paying rent