Why is it so bloody hard?

[RentalsDrivingMeMental]

I've posted before about dad. 87 years old, doubly incontinent, uses a walking frame, possible dementia. He and mum live together - mum in remission from cancer.

Last month dad was in hospital due to osteoarthritis pain, low blood pressure and falls. He was discharged 2 weeks later to the local community hospital, who were targeting his mobility. He was then discharged home a week ago, carers coming in 3 times a day and overnight. Today that free care ended, and Adult SS were supposed to take over. No-one turned up, leaving my 85yr old mum to deal with it all. Local GP services are on their knees, so not much support there.

My siblings and I feel like it's a constant fight to get support, to get someone to even listen or help. It really does feel that no-one cares about you when you get older in this country. Sorry, just need to vent!

Awful. Your poor mum. Is he self funding for the care now?

That is appalling - my dad had the free care, but they assured my that he wouldn’t be in the lurch, they’d continue to see him through to when SS took over. And the takeover was seamless

I take it you’re spending the morning on the phone stressing that your dad has no other care?

Yes, to your last paragraph, that’s one reason I hate so much the ageism on MN. Actually SS that I’ve had contact have a tolerance and acceptance of the frail and needy elderly that is rare elsewhere

Heard back from Adult SS on the Friday who apologised and said they'd deal with it Monday as a priority. I asked who would be coming to do the care over the weekend as they couldn't expect my mum to continue doing it all by herself until Monday. They put in place emergency care over the weekend - a visit each morning at 10am (previously dad had 3 visits a day). She turned up an hour late on Sat, mum thought she wasn't coming so had got dad up washed and dressed him herself.

I spent time looking at dads various health needs yesterday- he's under the care of 3 different consultants and as well as a continence team, pain management clinic, dementia support, it's an almost full time job coordinating it all as some are outsourced from NHS and none of them liaise with each other. It's all too much for my parents to keep track of who's who.

If I didn't work I'd be able to deal with it but I have a full time teaching role as well as two kids (one with SEN). At least my parents have me and my siblings. God knows how those without kids navigate it all!

It's just so heartbreaking. My dad was diagnosed with dementia earlier in the year and him and my brother were just left to get on with it. It's now reached breaking point. My brother can't cope anymore he has a full time job. I live an hour away, my husband works full time I don't drive and I have a 4 year old. I phoned an ambulance on Monday because I just couldn't take anymore. I thought if he was in hospital then I can make it clear he can't cope at home. They wouldn't take him. He was soiling himself and couldn't pee.
The district nurse came round the next day and called an ambulance and they took him.
He's now in hospital because it's not safe to be at home and I desperately need some care in place. I phoned some agency on Monday, paid home care and they said it could take 3 weeks to even get a call back.