Retirement apartments

[MayorGundersonsDogRufus]

Can anyone share any experiences of moving an elderly parent into an independent living retirement apartment and what level of mobility and independence they would need to make a success of it?

My dad is 72, but has Parkinson's and is grieving the unexpected loss of my mum six months ago. His house has loads of stairs and would not accommodate stairs lifts easily (if at all!) so we are thinking of moving him into a retirement apartment - a private flat on a shared estate designed for older people.

He really struggles with his mobility but part of me thinks that if everything were flat he'd be more inclined to try, to use his walker and scooter, rather that feeling like the stairs are too much effort so just staying in his chair all day. He really doesn't feel ready for a care home.

I don't want to give him false hope, but just wondered about other people's experiences of these type of places and what made the difference for you between a good and bad experience?

(End note: thank you to those people who helped last week with ideas to get some nutrients into him. He now loves his daily Complan and is doing much better and rebuilding his strength.)

My DPs moved into one a few years ago and it's been good. I'd check what kind of activities are on, if there is a restaurant and if Carers can be bought in.

So far it's been very positive but I think you'll need to listen to your DF about how willing he is to move and join in when he gets there.

Is it the kind where you buy the flat in a 'retirement village' type place? They are pretty notorious for being risky financially.
www.bbc-law.co.uk/legal-news/buying-a-retirement-flat/
www.theguardian.com/money/2021/mar/28/i-cant-sell-mums-retirement-flat-and-the-charges-are-mounting-up
www.which.co.uk/later-life-care/housing-options/retirement-villages/hidden-costs-of-retirement-homes-agkqz9k8s1nm

If you mean sheltered accommodation where you rent a flat, they can be a good staging post between living alone but before needing a care home. By grandmother lived in sheltered accommodation for five years or so. The warden would check on the residents twice a day, and there were emergency pull cords in every room. It was reassuring.

Does he want to move, is there the alternative that he could stay in his house if adaptations were made and he lived downstairs. He is still grie6the loss of his wife, is he ready to lose his house. We looked at retirement flats, the ground floor ones were nicest with patio doors to the garden but more expensive. There was a part time warden which was no better than a Careline at home with a daily carer coming in, the flats were small compared to the house, she wouldnt want to join in with the activities really and didnt want to be surrounded by elderly people although she is 90. The leases are often short and the maintenance high. On the plus side if someone is sociable, feels more secure if there is a warden then they are ok. You have to read the small print about family taking over the charges if the person dies and you are waiting to sell it and also the resale terms and conditions,

Look to see if there is an Abbeyfield house near him. They are a good staging post between own home and care home. The one near us is a lovely house and grounds and residents have their own room and kitchenette to make breakfast and supper but get the advantage of a cooked lunch, company and activities.

Thank you. He wants to move. The way the house is designed it would be very hard to make suitable adaptions. The house is across four floors and there is a central stairwell meaning no wall to put a chairlift on and small landings, with no space for a lift. There are also steps up to the front door and steps to reach the garden. He knows he can't stay there and is fine with it.

Thank you for the tips on Abbeyfield and sheltered accommodation tips. Fortunately the financial risk isn't a huge factor - the main priority at the moment is just to get home comfortable and feeling like he has a future.

It's good that he wants to move, that's a huge positive.

I’m not sure stairlifts nowadays need a wall. My father’s is on stout pillars with no attachment to the wall. Yes, just checked that on Stannah site - they don’t

My mother has moved into something like this and on paper it's excellent. Yes it's expensive - service charge of 5k a year - but its such a nice development selling them again doesn't seem too hard. There are much cheaper ones but they're also really tiny and cramped.

It has downsides. Mainly that it doesn't have much of an outlook, and it's rather dark. But it's a huge relief that she's somewhere level with easy access to shop and bus. It also has a pool that she uses a lot.

I would say it was at least theoretically a good choice. It's worth taking time to have a look at a variety.

We moved MiL to one many years ago. She lived 6 hours away from us, was struggling with her house/garden and with hindsight, was probably depressed and rather lonely. 2 were being built close to use, one was McCarthy & Stone, the other was Pegasus. I preferred the Mc&S one as the grounds were lovely but MiL like the other as it was in the centre of the suburb with shops, bus stop, doctor etc all within 100m. She spent 9 very happy years there until a fall which necessitated a spell in hospital. She had carers for a while but her mental and physical health deteriorated and she went into a nursing home for the last couple of months of her life. DH is certain that having zero maintenance worries, activities on hand and being close to her only GC definitely prolonged her life - she was 88 when she died.

Service charges are expensive. There was a lift, a resident warden and Careline cords in every room. Selling on after she died was frustrating as Peveril, the management company take 1% of the selling price and are slow to provide the packs of information.

MiL had a 1 bedroom flat with a small kitchen, decent bathroom, large bedroom & living room with a hallway. Hers had French doors which she used to open on a warm day and watch people coming & going. There was a tiny (Juliet?) balcony where she had window boxes. There was a laundry with Miele washing machines & driers. There was a large lounge with a little kitchen off it and most social activities were there. MiL did art, Tai Chi, coffee mornings, whist, bingo and others I've forgotten. When it snowed and we couldn't get in to visit her, the local supermarket did deliveries.

It worked for us, but is not without its downsides. Definitely do your research.