Super quick snapshot and PLEASE ANY ADVICE !
My mother is 84. She had a new knee about 4 yrs ago and her gall bladder removed, has cataracts but apart from that she is sort of ok.
However she is driving everyone to distraction with her “ ailments “ they all check out to be nothing simply “old age “
Today I got up at the crack of dawn to drive the 80mins drive to take her to her hospital appointment as she was going for an ultrasound as she has had a bout of cystitis and the doctor wanted to see nothing was amiss. My brother who lives 5 mins from both my mum and the hospital could of taken her but she refused and only wanted me. The scan showed nothing. She must of literally had every scan the nhs does and nothing ever comes back. She takes no medication except beta blockers and paracetamol. She lives alone. My dad died 13 yrs ago and he did everything for her. She has over the years rejected any thing that would make her mobile so she can’t drive/ ride a bike/ never swam a length of a pool ZILCH. Since COVID hit she has sat in her chair and watched television 24/7. Her very good friend died just before COVID of a heart attack and I think she actually missed his company far more than when my dad died. She’s stopped cooking and either eats the batch meals I cook and freeze for her or ready meals from Tesco. She always cooked from scratch. In a word she has given up.
I visit once a week as I work 3 days and the trips totally and utterly drain the life blood from me as all she talks about is illness. Last time I went last week I literally hyperventilated in the car on my way home it was so stressful. Like the OP in an earlier tread she just wants “ looking after “ so meals put in front of her which really irks. I bought her all new kitchen appliances earlier this year but she doesn’t “ trust “ them so just microwaves everything. I can’t do this much more as the trips are getting worse but she refused to move 5 yrs ago to be nearer to me so I could manage helping her so it falls to me to drive up weekly. My brother literally drops off a bit of food shopping and then leaves where I stay and chat. I know she wants more company but she won’t entertain going out to a day centre. She won’t have WiFi so I can’t FaceTime her or do any internet banking for her she literally just sits in the chair and everyone has to rally around her. I love her as she’s my mum but that’s it. Both my mum and dad were incredibly selfish as parents and I have a huge amount of resentment towards her as I don’t want to be her skivvy any longer. The doctor has given her antidepressants but she won’t take them. She’s sad Lonely and depressed but won’t do anything to change that. Won’t even go for a walk up and down the road. After finding no issues today at the scan I am so bloody pissed off that it’s yet another “ situation “ she has engineered so people have to rally round.
Stick a fork in me I’m done.