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Elderly parents
Original poster

Power of Attorney - any hints and tips?

35 replies

h0rsewithn0name · 02/09/2021 20:24

I'm at the very early stages of looking at this for my mum, for both finance and health/welfare. Although mum is elderly, she is bright as a button thankfully. I just wondered if you could fire at me your hints and tips, as this is pretty far out of my comfort zone.

For context, I have one brother who lives locally. We have a good relationship, although we're not close. My other brother lives overseas and would not expect to be named as an attorney.

Thank you.

OP posts:
thesandwich · 02/09/2021 20:51

Go for joint and several with local db…. Then either if you can act if neccesary.

Georgie8 · 02/09/2021 20:57

Absolutely essential -it’s hell, especially for finances, if LPAs aren’t in place.
(My in-laws had the old EPA, which covers only finance, which was/is fine.)
Care homes of both (mil has died) took on board our views re health and welfare, but didn’t/don’t have to -having said that, probably only took notice because we were on the same page as them!
My parents have both LPAs.
If I had to choose to do only one (they’re quite pricey) I’d do the finance one.
Without the finance one life is very difficult; it’s hugely expensive and time consuming sorting this out with the Court of Protection after your parent can no longer manage their affairs.
We had other issues as my husband was the only attorney for both so had to employ another attorney, ie a solicitor, as he couldn’t represent both of them (they’d both nominated him and each other) and we needed to sell their house. We spent a fortune and many months trying to appoint a solicitor via the Court of Protection (they take forever); my mil died and so after seven months and a few thousand pounds the whole thing had to be abandoned!
My husband is an only child, but I’m not and my parents chose me and my sister as we live nearby, whereas my brother doesn’t.
It’s worth talking to Age UK before approaching a solicitor.

toomuchlaundry · 02/09/2021 20:58

Don't need a solicitor

Decide whether you want the finance one to be active now or only come into play if your DM loses capacity. Doesn't mean your DM doesn't have access to her finances but is useful if she needs help with anything or has to go into hospital for awhile etc

Make sure all the signatures are done in the right order, that is the trickiest bit!

Hoppinggreen · 02/09/2021 20:58

Contact Mumblechum on here aka Marlowe wills
She did my parents, she’s lovely and reasonably priced too

Bamski · 02/09/2021 20:59

Hi, I do this for a living so happy to help.

As above joint and severally with local brother is good idea. Unless overseas brother is likely to return there isn’t any point in your mum including him although if she would like him included it’s fine.

It’s really about your mum documenting what matters to her re care, medical treatment, finances etc with you and any other attorney understanding that you have to act in your mums best interests, however inconvenient, at all times.

Preferences are more workable than instructions unless it’s something that is non negotiable for your mum but these sections can be left blank.

Any other questions let me know and I’ll get back to you ASAP.

seanbeanmarryme · 02/09/2021 21:01

Look at the government website, www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney. I did poa's for both parents using this website and did not involve a solicitor. Family friends witnessed signatures and signed to confirm they weren't being forced into signing. When everything had been registered, I copied all the pages and we parents signed the copies to certify that they were true copies. You can get stamps from Amazon to save writing out the required wording on each individual page. Hope this helps.

Soontobe60 · 02/09/2021 21:03

You don’t need to pay anyone to complete these documents. We downloaded the application forms onto my laptop then sat down with MIL to complete them together. They’re actually very simple, but look complicated because there’s lots of duplication. Once you submit them online, they send you the documents to sign and have witnessed. We had my MILs best friend as witness. It doesn’t have to be anyone professional.

Bamski · 02/09/2021 21:05

Just to be clear re a couple of comments, The OP can’t decide anything other than if they will agree to be an attorney. It is entirely the OPs mother’s decision who she would like for what and when anything e.g. the P&F usage should kick in.

MrPanks · 02/09/2021 21:10

Act as swiftly as possible, as trying to convince my dad in the early/mid stages was a job and a half. Go for both finance and health if you can, finance being the priority (mum dad starting drawing out money every day and hid it in the house, I was worried sick as he had loads of workmen coming and going, and was also extremely vulnerable at cash points). I managed to stop his access to his bank account and ensure he had a regular but manageable amount of cash, and was also able to pay his bills, rent etc via his bank account). I didn't need to use the health, but felt reassured that I could act in my dad's best interests without worry (my dad passed away quite quickly after I got POA).

Good luck OP. Hope you get it sorted.

MrPanks · 02/09/2021 21:11

Mid stages of dementia, I mean!

Georgie8 · 02/09/2021 22:03

We’re possibly over cautious as my husband is a solicitor -this is definitely not his area! However, I didn’t say you have to have a solicitor involved with setting up LPAs but, like many legal matters, spending a bit up front at the beginning can save you a lot of hassle and money further down the line.
If a solicitor is used it’s unlikely that another family member can successfully challenge whether the person was competent (eg mid stages of dementia), or whether they were coerced into choosing certain people as their attorney/s. It’s astonishing how many “happy families” fall out over these things.
I’d dm Bamski

Candleabra · 02/09/2021 22:41

I'd also second using a solicitor. I know you can do it yourself, and everyone says oh just fill out the forms etc. But appointing a solicitor will make things easier and it will actually happen, rather than everyone just talking about it.
Bit like wills...it can be dead easy to do, but you still need to do it!

mrshoho · 02/09/2021 23:26

We did finance and health for both my parents earlier this year. The forms are long winded and I was convinced we'd miss a signature somewhere but they were all accepted thankfully. I then set up an online account so if needed we can request a code to give to an organisation for them to access instead of having to send a certified copy.

Do it as soon as you can as it took 3 months in all. Me and one of my siblings are joint attorneys but can make decisions on our own if needed.

Bargebill19 · 02/09/2021 23:29

If you go ahead and get them done (both financial and health and welfare) get a dozen certified copies made. Everyone seems to want a copy and it’s easier to get them done when you aren’t under time pressure to get stuff done iyswim!

SusieSusieSoo · 02/09/2021 23:41

You don't need a lawyer it's all there for you on gov website. There are rebates on costs for those on low incomes. Do it and hope you never need to use it but so important

Original poster
h0rsewithn0name · 03/09/2021 07:23

So many helpful and useful replies, thank you everyone. Mum isn't known for spending money, so we will do it ourselves and if we get stuck I'll be back with more questions!

OP posts:
Spaceman1 · 03/09/2021 08:11

I have POA for my mother who has dementia. I was the second attorney as my stepfather passed away. I had long discussions with her before she became ill and know exactly what she wants in terms of care. I am so pleased I am able to help her after everything she did for me.

chipsandpeas · 03/09/2021 08:41

thanks for posting this, i need to do this, should have done it a long time ago but with my mum in hospital again with even more diminished capacity this is the top of my list to do

MMAMPWGHAP · 03/09/2021 15:15

Try to avoid putting the brother who is abroad on the POA. Companies may try to id him even if the POA is joint and several. Have ended up with money laundering blocks on various accounts due to this.
Also worth keeping up your mum’s passport as id.

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 04/09/2021 11:19

Just a wee note that the situation in Scotland is slightly different - one POA can cover both finance and health.

Willdoitlater · 04/09/2021 11:45

You don't need a solicitor, its an easy form. Register it straight away then the office of the public guardian will tell you if you got anything wrong on the form. You don't have to start using it straight away just because its registered. My friends' solicitor told them the H&W one is pointless as doctors don't take any notice of it. THIS IS VERY BAD ADVICE because the welfare part covers potentially deciding where and how a person lives (which is nothing to do with doctors!!).

Sundayscented · 04/09/2021 11:49

We've did both PoAs for ourselves for my Mum, us and PiLs. Had to activate Mums last year - no problems with any of the organisations who wanted to see them.
But TOP TIP - don't let MiL hold on to the original PoAs because she might lose them all and they might have to be re-done ......

DobbyTheHouseElk · 04/09/2021 11:52

I’m starting this process currently. Both parents and both financial and health POA.

Interesting to hear people saying not to involve a sibling abroad. My sibling lives abroad and has no intention to return to the UK. Would it be easier to leave him off the process and find a second local attorney?

I’ve already decided not to download the online forms. I’m going through a solicitor. My parents are very suspicious of anything online so won’t allow me to fill forms online.

mrshoho · 04/09/2021 15:31

You can print the blank forms and hand write them. That's what I did.

I agree to not have an attorney living abroad if possible.

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 04/09/2021 19:19

Those saying they managed fine without POA in place: you were lucky. Even with POA in place, DH had widely varying experiences with different organisations.

I'd recommend putting one in place if you can.