How to help with moving?

[thefamilyness]

My ILs (mid 70s) are going to be moving soon (in a month or so). They're downsizing and moving to a new area. FIL has got early stage dementia, and although he's still largely 'with it', he's much less confident and capable than before, and MIL is feeling a bit out of her depth.

DH and I are keen to help, but we both work full time, have kids, and live a couple of hours away, so it's not that easy just to pop over for the day. Can anyone suggest ways we can help at a distance? It's so long since I've moved house, I've kind of forgotten what's involved. They're trying to clear out their stuff (their house is absolutely full to bursting), and they've booked removers to pack and move - but is there anything else we can do?

Help them with the decluttering at the weekends? You can take the stuff home and take it to a local charity shop or dump for them when you get time.

If there are things to sell you can take them away and put them in an auction or eBay/Vinted/Facebook Market place.

We've been taking stuff away each time we visit, but getting over there can be a challenge (DH works six days, so fitting everything else plus IL visits into a Sunday is tricky). At least they'll be a bit nearer once they've moved, so it will be easier to pop in for a few hours here and there.

If the removal guys are packing, don't worry so much.

My in-laws got in the way of the guys packing tho by packing & "helping".

Honestly? We flew in from overseas and stayed nearby for a week to help them declutter prior to moving - and it still wasn't enough. MIL was in the early stages of Parkinson's, FIL was just not organised. DH, SIL and I all spent days helping them sort out stuff for the tip / charity / give away. Even then, they still had far too much stuff to fit in their small flat (moving from a 3 bed house). It took several other visits, plus my SIL sneaking stuff out every time she visited. Even things like furniture - they took all the big furniture from their house, then had to sell it all and buy new, smaller stuff that would fit.

Can you take some time off work? And go with a car to help transport stuff? Have they got any measurements for the new place - will their furniture fit? We all wished afterwards that we had done more before they moved, it was much harder to declutter once they were in their new place.

Hmm, thank you, that's excellent food for thought - thanks for your honesty. Luckily (in some ways - a whole other area of discussion!) they're not moving to a much smaller house, so lots of the stuff should still fit. The main problem I think will be paintings, of which they must have well over a hundred. But they've also got endless ornaments, china/glass etc. They're trying to arrange to go for a recce in the next week or two to have a proper measure.

Unfortunately, DH and I both work in schools, so time off is not an option.

Maybe write a list of every organisation who needs to be informed of a change of address and the reference numbers etc that are needed to do this. So, council tax, electric, gas etc. In the same vein maybe get some change of address cards printed for their friends.

I've threatened to send my very elderly mother the "The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning". Beautifully written chapter on downsizing. 😁

@thefamilyness

DH is a teacher too, I feel your pain - plus we live in France and they are in the U.K. 🙄. We had to sacrifice most of a two week holiday to go and stay near them, leaving our kids with my parents for the duration. I also took a week off work (not teaching) and went over on my own once they’d moved - and spent the whole week emptying boxes, driving to the tip, buying and building furniture and shelves 🙄.

Bloody ornaments. MIL must have kept every holiday souvenir, Christmas cracker toy and gift they received for their entire lives 😂 .

My Mil brought everything down to the last lightbulb and old child's report. Luckily her new house had rooms and a garage to keep things in while she sorted. My parents had a rule that if either one of them didn't like something it would go. That did for almost all of the ephemera. They sold the rest in a local auction house or took it to the tip. They were never hoarders though.

Make sure the removers have actually seen the house and its contents. I know removals that have overrun by 24 hours or more because of the sheer volume of stuff in an elderly person's home. You could,long distance, help by handholding through the legal process if it's a purchase and sale;help notifying change of address,setting up new utility,council tax accounts,making sure they have insurance for the new address. The thing that helps the most,but may not be possible,is moving into the new house before the old one sells/the keys are handed back to landlord.

Make sure they remember to take meter readings before they move out.

Thank you so much everyone, lots of really useful ideas.

Consider whether you want to book cleaners for after the move. My mum was never the most houseproud, but would always previously have done at least a basic clean through after clearing a house - she's no longer capable of that even without the stress of moving. Add to that that she'd cancelled the regular cleaners my sister booked, and the place was really grimy. That might bother you or not. I certainly wasn't going to do it but it bothered my mum that it ought to be done.

I'd say that recovery time after a move is around a day per decade, doubled if they didn't want to move or there was a lot of chucking out. My mum was flat exhausted after the last one.