When hospital says 'come now'...

[baileyswoman]

... does this always mean he's near the end?

Honestly. Yes. I’m sorry

I'm so sorry. I'd get there as soon as you can.

Maybe, maybe not. But I wouldn't delay, just in case. Nurses are pretty good at 'knowing', in my experience.

Yes normally.

And yes, I'm sorry too.

Yes, sadly. They don't always get it right in either direction, though. Sometimes they leave it too late and other times the patient rallies.

Sorry, normally yes.

This has happened to me three times. Each time I was told that “they just passed”. I wonder if “come now” is a code so that they don’t tell you of a death over the phone.

I am so sorry.

Yes

Yes but not always if you are like my nan!

Sorry that's quite a flippant reply from me.

I'm sorry that you've had the phone call, unmumsnetty hugs from me

Almost always, I'm so sorry

Having said that, my Nan had a brain haemorrhage and we got the phone call, family all travelled to be at her bedside and say our goodbyes. She made a miraculous recovery and we were very lucky to have three more years with her.

Usually, but occasionally they think it’s going to happen soon and the patient rallies.

We had that with DMum, nurse rang and asked us to come in straight away. I asked for more details (was going in regardless but just wanted to be able to prepare DDad a bit), and nurse told us that DM had just died.

I had that phone call. My DF was long gone when we got there. On the other hand, my DD got the same call for my XH and was put in a relatives' room for hours. Eventually someone came and said he'd been successfully resuscitated. This was years ago and he's still around, full of energy despite now having lung cancer.

It's the worst kind of call - sorry you're going through this.

When my grandmother died the hospital rang and advised me to come today but sooner rather than later. It was all a bit vague and she actually had a few weeks of life left and was discharged back to her nursing home. When she actually did pass away I got a call from the nurse at the home with a very definite 'come now' at 3pm, got there around half 4 or 5 - prepared for a long night, but she passed away at about 6pm. Sorry OP

Yes, sadly. They don't always get it right in either direction, though. Sometimes they leave it too late and other times the patient rallies

Yes, I was called at 2am to travel 200 miles to see my mother who had a very bad chest condition and had suffered a severe asthma attack. She lived another several years.

Also called to see my brother who was 300 miles away, got there, and he died that night.

Yes it does.
However, they cannot always predict with certainty.
My dad and I drove 150 miles on a call from a hospital about seeing my grandpa. When we arrived we were put into a waiting room and told a doctor would come to talk to us. We assumed he had died during our journey and were resigned to it as he was 99.
After about 20 mins, a nurse popped her head round the door and asked who we were waiting for. When we said we had come to see grandad, she said 'Oh, yes, he's just finishing his breakfast'.
Which he was!
He had apparently been comatose the night before,not rousable even to pain stimulus, but had woken and requested breakfast the following morning.
He lived a further 2 months, and laughed a lot about us thinking he had died too soon.

Yes, I’m so sorry.
The staff will have assessed him before they called you, and decided it’s unlikely he’ll last long. He may rally and recover, but I’d rather be called and he’s fine, than not go and miss what could be a very special, if terribly sad moment.
I hope you’re in time, OP.💐

I'm afraid it very often does mean that, yes.

I am sorry you have had that call. We did too back in March this year when my Dad was very very ill and in hospital. I wish I could say otherwise, but he died well before we were able to get there. In fact, I think he went into crisis and died pretty much as they were making the call.

I'm sorry. I do hope you are in time.

Yes
So sorry 🥺😥😥

When we tell relatives to "come now" we mean they may not have long and you may not have time - we want you to be together. We do not want your relative to have their family with them if this is their last free hours or days.

That doesn't mean that they might not rally. Anything is what's possible as patients can rally (and do on occasion)

But it means that in our best medical judgement , we want you to be here as we are fearful that they may not have long. It is our best medical judgement and if you are ever told to "come now" then cancel everything and come now please x

Sorry that was such a mistype!

We do not want your relative to not have their family with them if this is their last few hours or days.

It did with my DF. Got the call when I in the supermarket doing my weekly shopping. Just about kept it together before I got into the car and then just howled. God knows what passers by thought.

I am sorry you are going through this @baileyswoman

We had that call last night and got to the hospital early hours. Yes, she is dying but it's been a long day and she is still going. She's on palliative care now, and she will likely die tonight or tomorrow xxxxx