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Elderly parents

Carers

8 replies

NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 10/08/2021 15:57

My father who was a fulltime carer for my mother was taken ill five weeks ago and is still in hospital. After some investigations to see why he is so anaemic, he has had 3 units of blood, they have decided to do no further tests. He is 86 they have decided he should go home to spend time with family and get GP to keep an eye on him.

They are putting in a care package, mum is to stay in the care home, but he is still so weak he doesn't get out of hospital bed.
I have been told he will have carers three times a day.
Please can anyone say what they do apart from obvious personnal care?
It is a nightmare as i live a 3 hour round trip away, they have no relatives or friends in area.

OP posts:
maxelly · 10/08/2021 16:48

It can vary slightly from area to area and there should be an individual assessment for each client in line with their needs and preferences. In general though, if he's having 3 visits a day I would expect that to be one visit in the morning in which he'll be helped out of bed, helped to shower/wash, toilet and dress as needed, fetched breakfast (usually just cereal or whatever's quick), a drink and any meds he needs, then settled wherever he spends the day. The carer may perhaps do a quick wipe around the kitchen, stick a load of laundry on or spend a few minutes having a quick social chat, depending on how long the first part takes. The middle visit will probably be either lunchtime or tea time (or an unhelpful middling timing) and be very short, maybe as little as 10-15 mins and just enough time to make a cup of tea and a sandwich or stick a ready made hot meal in the microwave for his dinner (if they have a hot meal at lunchtime they can also prepare a sandwich for his dinner, or vice versa). Perhaps there will be time to put the morning laundry on to dry and/or wash his breakfast and lunch things up during the middle call. The 3rd call will usually be a 'put to bed' call and will be helping his undress and get ready for the evening. Again there may be time for some brief cleaning, washing up and tidying tasks at this call as well.

So you get the picture, main priorities are washing, dressing, toileting and meals, there may be time for them to do some household or cleaning tasks and general social chit chat, but often very limited depending on how able he is to do the first parts for himself - unfortunately with social care time and funding being so very limited keeping body and soul together in the most basic way has to take priority. Food usually has to take no longer than 5-10 mins to prepare so cereals, sandwiches, ready meals are the order of the day (carers often have quite varied cleaning skills IME, many will happily knock up quick things like scrambled eggs, omelettes, pasta and sauce etc others not at all!). The carers are unlikely to have time to do a full clean of the house, gardening, take him to the shops or for a walk or similar, anything that takes longer than 10 mins or so is usually off the table.

So if you have time and/or money to spend helping, I would focus on: sorting out food deliveries, ideally including lots of quick/easy cold options and some nice ready meals - companies like Wiltshire Farm Foods are very much set up for the elderly market and I think will even help unpack and put away if needed. If you/he can afford it a regular cleaner, gardener and laundry service are extremely helpful, or otherwise you and other family may have to do these things as and when you can make it to him and accept there may be some decline in standards. Do see if you can tap into local volunteer networks, there may be 'befrienders' who can come and keep him company occasionally or groups he can join or similar, and there may be people who are able to do errands like popping out to collect prescriptions (although these can usually be delivered), taking him to appointments (although patient transport may be available) or helping with deliveries which were the sort of things I found a nightmare when I was in a similar situation with my Mum as you couldn't get carers to do it but not really worth a trip all the way out there myself! Good luck

maxelly · 10/08/2021 16:52

Oh, the other things I would try and get in place, if you haven't already are a key-safe so carers and the emergency services can let themselves in and out (very important in an emergency), an alarm pendant for him to wear around his neck in case of falls or other emergencies and power of attorney (assuming he still has capacity) so you are able to deal with authorities, banks etc on his behalf...

BunnyRuddington · 11/08/2021 07:12

I was just going to suggest a key safe as well.

Have they given you a diagnosis @NK346f2849X127d8bca260? If it's cancer, we found the Hospice at Home service very useful as someone would sit with DF at night to watch over him.

MereDintofPandiculation · 11/08/2021 11:22

Be aware that carers seem to work between 9am and 9pm, so the getting dressed call will be somewhere between 9 and 11, and the putting to bed call will be about 8pm.

You could see if there is meals on wheels in your area - about 40% of LAs still have it - that gives another person dropping in in the middle of the day, and they will raise the alarm if anything is wrong.

You say your father is a full time carer for your mother, so your mother will need her set of carers too, depending on her needs.

scarybutnice · 11/08/2021 11:32

hi sorry to hear your dad is unwell
I work in this field so wanted to add a few things. some carers start as early as 7am as our service did and others too. however it maybe worth mentioning to your dad that for example a call time maybe given to your dad say 4pm(example only)but its only an approximate time as they may get held up with another user or traffic etc

with regards the laundry it depends on the care plan and the carer of course.unless its in the care plan a lot won't do laundry, so maybe worth asking the care company once set up to add to careplan
however some carers will do the laundry anyway even if not in careplan depends on carer.
I would second getting easy to make meals, Wiltshire farm foods are very good and very easy to prerpare

scarybutnice · 11/08/2021 11:33

also in the area where I live care companies work until 10pm.though I think it varies on the company

MereDintofPandiculation · 11/08/2021 12:06

@scarybutnice

also in the area where I live care companies work until 10pm.though I think it varies on the company
I suppose the real point I wanted to get through was that neither breakfast nor, particularly, bedtime are necessarily at the times the person being cared for is accustomed to.
NK346f2849X127d8bca260 · 15/08/2021 20:49

Thank you all for taking time to reply, it has really helped.

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