Paranoid MIL - what do we do?

[TonTonMacoute]

MIL is in her 80s.

We have suspected that she might be developing dementia for a few years now, but over the last few weeks she has suddenly become extremely paranoid.

DH is an only child, she lives close by and we do a lot for her, but now has suddenly started accusing DH of stealing or hiding her things. She is absolutely convinced that he sneaks into her house and moves or hides her things (often jewellery but letters too). Then, when they inevitably turn up again, he has sneaked in again and put them back.

DS and I are accused of helping him and covering for him. There is no way of reasoning with her about this.

We have spoken to her GP, and they did do some tests and have apparently told MIL that there is nothing wrong with her.

Has anyone else been through this?

Oops…. Of years earlier.
I also recall the surgeons having a pretty serious conversation with them about the surgery and the risks etc and I’m sure that they would have to be 100 sure about capacity before continuing

@Muchmorethan

Goodness, I would certainly hope it wouldn't come to that but that is very useful to know. Thank you.

I have been thinking about this issue of consent for the op. At times she is fine and clearly understands then implications. She had a meeting with a clinical practitioner last week which seemed to go fine.

There are definitely times when she would not be fit to give consent though.

I don't know which valve it is, but I don't think she is going to be able look after herself at home for some time afterwards, even with us being almost next door.

We have been making sure that she is eating better and that has improved things. But we really just have to take one day at a time

I do think the surgeons need to know about any cognitive concerns before the operation as she would be much higher risk for delirium after the operation. Is she due for a pre-operative assessment? You could write to or talk to the nurse who does that assessment.

A quick update.

We have just had a phone call out of the blue from a nurse with the local dementia care service. I assume that the GP had spotted problems with MIL's assessment and had referred her to them.

Apparently the nurse rang MIL this morning to offer any help she needed and to arrange for a visit to make an assessment. Obviously MIL has rejected all this but they are well used to that.

She had a long chat with us and she is going to try again and report back in a few days.

I know we still have a long road ahead but it is a relief to know that she is at least registered 'in the system' somewhere which should make it a bit easier to access help.

Oh that's good news.