DM can't budget.

[PolytheneRam]

My DM (67) is in a bit of a state.

DF (84 at the time) passed away last year. Both my parents have always been dreadful with money. DF worked hard but had nothing to show for it - they were renting privately for many years prior to his death. They had their house repossessed in the 90s.

Earlier this year, DM was evicted from the home they had shared for 20 years due to her landlord wanting to sell. With help from the local authority she was able to find another privately rented home, although the rent is a little higher.

Historically my dad dealt with finances and as a result my mum has very few skills when it comes to life admin. She's presently struggling to make ends meet and to budget because her pension is paid weekly and her bills are paid monthly.

I'm helping where I can, but with a toddler, a teen, a job, and not a great deal of money myself, I'm at a loss as to how I can help her further.

I know it's a bit of an odd request, but I'm wondering if there are any organisations that can help her with this sort of thing? Is it too late for her to learn these life skills?

I've largely had to do all of the adulting for her since my dad's death, and I'm quite frankly exhausted.

I apologise if my post is a little garbled. I'm starting to crack under the strain of it all.

Thanks in advance.

Bump

Money saving expert offers a free finance course with the Open University on OpenLearn which might be right for her www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2020/05/mse-launches--academoney--financial-education-course-with-the-op/

That sounds stressful for you. I definitely don't think it's too late for your Mum to learn these skills if she's willing.

Have you heard of The Money Charity? They do various training and workshops about money and budgeting, could be worth dropping them a line?

themoneycharity.org.uk/work/

I know she’s not exactly in debt yet but I would have given budgeting/ financial capability advice when I was a debt advisor at Citizens Advice. This link should help you to see what’s available locally
www.stepchange.org/debt-info/pay-off-or-reduce-debt/free-and-face-to-face-debt-advice.aspx

I would look to see if there are any neighbourhood network schemes in the area. They will work with a range of charities and services that will be able to support your mum.

www.cap.org.uk
Money course

Try Age UK they offer help with budgeting

Just set up another account for her. Itll just be a bit of work to start off with, calculate all her incomings and outgoings and then any remainder goes into the new account, she has this to live on weekly. Destroy the card for old account as this will cover her bills. Only needs checking in on every 6 months or so

My late MIL worked for Age Concern, who are mow Age UK. They used to visit people and go through their bills and also see if they were entitled to any allowances. If your Mother needs help from you, she may be entitled to Independence Allowance. I virtually took over my late FIL’s finances, as he didn’t have a clue and was paying high utility bills, insurance etc.

I know it's a bit of an odd request, but I'm wondering if there are any organisations that can help her with this sort of thing? Is it too late for her to learn these life skills?

I don’t think it’s too late if you can set up a system for her. In essence, she just needs to know what she can afford to spend every week, and what is for bills.

So, one account that all the money goes into and the direct debits come out of monthly, and then a standing order per week into an account that she can spend from on groceries etc.

The trouble with financial help from outside agencies is they can’t set up a system for your mum, because it would be letting them have access to her accounts and that’s not wise. The most they could do is general advice on budgeting but it sounds like actually she needs someone to set up a system. And that’s you, unfortunately.

Have you and your mum discussed financial power of attorney, for the future?

In Canada the office of the pubic guardian takes over for people who can’t do it themselves. Does the UK public guardian do the same?

Your local authority should have a money advice unit. The one in our area is very supportive. Good luck

My local Credit Union has a money and budgeting service, although it appears to be limited to Council tenants. The local charity supporting old people (who have been superb during the pandemic) also had a 'Money Buddies' service, so I would get in touch with your nearest equivalent - it sounds like she could use their support more generally as she finds her feet after being widowed.

Weekly pension with monthly bills is going to be tricky until she builds up a surplus, does she have any savings she can use to stay on track?

Where do you live op? Just I'm slightly surprised (unless you're in London) that she couldn't get local authority housing. As although there's a shortage, there's a lot more for older people. I wonder if re looking at this and having lower housing costs could help.

With general life admin skills age UK might be able to help?

Thank you for all the suggestions.

We're in The Midlands. We were told council/housing associations weren't an option. The council did pay the first three months' rent for her, which makes it even more worrying that she's in a mess already, given that she only moved in March.

I'll look into the suggestions made. Thank you again.

I think its not too late for her to learn, but from what you say, I wonder whether she will really engage with learning tbh. As others have said, setting up a system for her where her bills are all on direct debit out of an account that she has no card for (and which her income goes into), and then money goes into her spends account every week which has no overdraft etc and depending on how it all stacks up that some money goes into a savings account for christmas or whatever. If she'll agree to you setting them up with online banking and you as a second person on the accounts so you can check everything then it will make your life easier.

Honestly? Unless she’s dead keen to learn, I would look into setting up the most foolproof system as possible and keeping an eye on it yourself.

Can she live within her means? Have you done a budget with her to check if she can? DH had to go through all his parents accounts when MIL was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. It turned out they had several unused credit cards they were paying a monthly fee on: FIL didn’t know they existed (MIL took them out then got dementia very rapidly - he was totally out of the loop as she’d always done it all). He also had two different phone / internet packages running concurrently, which he hadn’t realised. It turned out FIL had more than enough money coming in to cover his costs - he just didn’t know this as he’d never looked at his incomings / outgoings before 🙄. I’m almost certain he doesn’t check his statement every month but DH set things up to be a straightforward as possible and - touch wood - we think it’s ok.

It also turned out he and MIL had taken out a big loan just to have “peace of mind” … they had over £10k sitting in their current account while paying outrageous interest on the loan! We managed to persuade him to reduce it 🙄.

But that’s another thing to watch out for if your mum is short of money - getting into expensive loans etc.