Help with tricky family do.

[Imtoooldforallthis]

Just need some opinions on this situation and other similar ones. DM only has me, DH has extended family, DM is included in most events. However it is always me that has to pick up and take her home. Fine when it's lunch out etc. We have a day event coming up which is walking distance would love to walk have a few cocktails and relax. DM invited so I can't have a drink, taxis very difficult to get in our area. Other issue is a distant relative is visiting her who she would like to see but would preger to go to family do. This relative is not invited to family do, but would be very upset if thought she wasn't invited. So do I just tell her to rearrange relative visit and drive her around as usual or encourage relative to visit and not mention DH family party.

Firstly, can you possibly ask for an invitation for the distant relative?

Secondly, regarding driving...you may be able to pre-book an uber. Have you never used uber?

If the relative does visit and you don't mention DH family party, how will your Mum attend then? The relative is staying with your Mum right?

Relative is a bit hyper and would overtake the celebrations happening and spoil the event for the people involved. DM would not go to event if relative visits. I'm stuck in the middle as no one want him to go, but I feel I have to make an effort with thid person for DM sake, but he always wants to visit us but will never leave and always outstay their welcome.

I think it’s very kind that your DM is included but you should be able to go and have a drink occasionally. Leaving aside the issue of the other relative for a moment I think you should say to your DM from time to time that she’s welcome to join but you do want the odd drink and won’t drive. Unless you live very remotely taxis/ubers are available.

Maybe with the complication of your relative visiting, this time is a good opportunity for you to step back and not collect her and maybe you could attend this event without her.

Thank you, that is what I'm hoping to do, just feel very guilty as our side is just me and DM, DH side is large so always feels unbalanced. Also large group of teenagers do DMiL always has plenty of stories to share with DM when she sees her. I know I can't do anything about it but it makes me feel upset on her behalf. She has some dementia issues so can make her upset at not being included.

Are you the host?

If not I wouldn't get involved.

If DM wants to come, tell her that on this rare occasion you're having a drink so she will have to pre-order taxis.

If the uninvited guest is visiting then I assume she won't go. In which case I'd just leave it as it is.

If DM wants to come, tell her that on this rare occasion you're having a drink so she will have to pre-order taxis.

I'd do that as well. It's fine to be honest with them once in a while, just tell your DM that in this occasion you're not driving.

Is the event yours and DHs so hosting, or DHs family and DM comes along with you and DH?

DH family hosting not us